tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post113348536122945361..comments2023-07-03T01:07:37.640-07:00Comments on Ignore the Crazy: Life is like a bag of monkeys.....Bekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1135396262075929242005-12-23T19:51:00.000-08:002005-12-23T19:51:00.000-08:00Carolyn--My sister works at a company here in SF t...Carolyn--<BR/><BR/>My sister works at a company here in SF that is VERY PC. They don't even have a year end party (b/c of the Chineese New Year thing..really). They call it an "end of the fiscal year" party. <BR/><BR/>Rock on.<BR/><BR/>Jen-Tell Waldo that if he was a bad boy for Christmas this year, Santa will bring him a bag of monkeys.Bekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1135396189533589172005-12-23T19:49:00.000-08:002005-12-23T19:49:00.000-08:00Jen G,You were able to clarify some of the things ...Jen G,<BR/><BR/>You were able to clarify some of the things that I was trying to say. I KNOW that there will be times when he be confronted with other peoples issues. That will be hard. I know that as a black man he will have some things worse then the things that my daughter will confront. I wish the world didn't have to be that way, but it is so I just need to give my kiddos a safe place at home and prepare them for the world. I do think that with this I can at least see it coming. I hope that I am able to prep ALL of my children for that day. None of us make it into adulthood w/out having these things happen to us. <BR/><BR/>One of the biggest reasons that I am sad that our adoption is now closed is that I really, really wanted to have his birth family available as a resource for him--especially his three older brothers. I am currently in the market for an "uncle". The birth father of the baby we didn't get has become a really good friend of ours and I hope that we can cultivate a relationship with him. He used to live with birthmom and knows Jacob's bio family very well. <BR/><BR/>I do appreciate everyone's input and opinions. I have been trying to break the habit of calling him a littl monkey (although today he clung to my leg and went "whoo, whoo, whoo" for hours...) and I catch my self. I say "you little mo........onster". Ironic huh, calling my son a monster is less offensive. I need to think of another good word that starts with Mo.Bekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1135387938578440412005-12-23T17:32:00.000-08:002005-12-23T17:32:00.000-08:00W is now referring to people as bags of monkeys.W is now referring to people as bags of monkeys.La Yenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15044092297673361855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1135291230208271422005-12-22T14:40:00.000-08:002005-12-22T14:40:00.000-08:00Hi Bek - Now I am the lurker (is that a word?). I...Hi Bek - Now I am the lurker (is that a word?). I loved this blog. Yes, the world is getting increasinly more sensitive and I for one bemoan the fact. My company can't have a holiday party and call it such. It's not a Christmas Party. It's not even a party. We could offend someone whose religious tenets might include no partying, after all. So we call it our "Year-End Gathering." But I'm really afraid one day it's going to offend one of our employees who lives off of the Chinese calendar or any other calendar in conflict with the more commonly used Gregorian/Christian calendar. God Bless America!Carolynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09072544299748008171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1135213200630496972005-12-21T17:00:00.000-08:002005-12-21T17:00:00.000-08:00I agree with almost everything that has been said,...I agree with almost everything that has been said, and I understand your frustration! I think that it is interesting that white people are the most sensitive about calling other people things, especially when other people don't seem to care at all. As far as being a black young man, you will have different challenges. There will probably come a day, maybe at a baseball game or something, where you will hear another parent refer to your son disparagingly, because he is black and they don't expect you to know him. (You should beat the crap out of them.) There will also come a day when your son gets accused of something he did not do, because he is black. There will also come a day when he gets treated differently because he is Mormon, or adopted, or black, or short, or tall. I think that our jobs as parents are many--and one of them is to teach our kids what to do in those situations. We all got the message from Barbie--we girls can do anything--and my feeling is that we need to be instilling those things into our children no matter what the color. The Jooj is going to get called a bi*ch simply because she is a girl who will attend public school. Do I tell her now that that is going to happen? No, but I prepare myself for when it does, and if it doesn't by sixth grade, we have a talk about it before jr. High. I'd do the same with Jacob about his issues. <BR/>As far as traditions, whatever. Make your own. We don't know a single person who celebrates Kwanza, but we do know a bunch who would rather be called black, than african-american. We also know friends who will say "My people are from the islands, not Africa" or "We changed my name to distinguish it from our slave-owners." None of them would have a single problem with you and your son. They would correct you, and then move on. My advice, as he gets older, is to maybe find a black man who can help him figure things out about his race and society that he can't figure out from you. It is never bad to have an extra "uncle" when they are growing up, anyway. <BR/>You rule.La Yenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15044092297673361855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1135050214398870932005-12-19T19:43:00.000-08:002005-12-19T19:43:00.000-08:00Short of stopping a parent from physically damagin...Short of stopping a parent from physically damaging their child, I don't believe that any unsolicited advice from ladies at the grocery stores, church (and bloggers on a soapboxes should have to be tolerated. It seems that as parents, we receive this advice under the assumption that we don't know what in the world we are doing. What's wrong with assuming that the parent in question knows how to deal with their child better than a random stranger, no matter how old they are or how many children they have raised. Not long ago in Wal-Mart, Jay couldn't keep quiet after we watched an older lady scream at a young mother (who was wrestling a baby and a toddler) to pick up her crying baby. The mother was shocked at being acosted, but she did it and the last view we saw of her was trying to simultaneously push the cart, hold her baby, and keep her two year old from diving over the edge, while blinking back tears. The woman's defense was that she is a nurse and knows what babies need. Please. My point is that we all may have to smile at and be nice to opinionated people who think they can parent the world, but the bottom line is that it is rude and offensive and no, we don't have to "deal". We don't have to be rude, but we also don't need to have implications that we are doing things wrong. If anonymous, crazy old lady at the store can keep my kid from shrieking through the store better than I can, please give it a shot!<BR/>That being said I will now get down off MY soapbox...<BR/>Good post, bek!CKWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07753715981940316495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134969383150157812005-12-18T21:16:00.000-08:002005-12-18T21:16:00.000-08:00Great post! I would love to get over the PC thing ...Great post! I would love to get over the PC thing because while I applaud being sensitive to people, I think being overboard on the PC train just accentuates the differences I wish we would all get over. <BR/><BR/>One example: I hated it when Condi Rice was applauded so pointedly for being the first black woman to be appointed to such a high position in the US government. It seemed to actually detract from her personal achievement and from the value inherent in her race and her gender. I long for the day when one would even notice or care that Condi Rice is a woman and/or black but just applaud her for being who she is--this amazing person full of poise, grace and intellect who worked hard to get where she is and who is doing a great job at her job. <BR/><BR/>There's a fine line between embracing differences and acknowledging commonalities. Ideally, we should all be able to accept people and whatever they might say at face value: What is is what is. Being synthetically hypersensitive will not compensate for the evils of past and present bigotry. Truth, honesty and love are the only ways to overcome bigotry, ignorance and hatefulness.<BR/><BR/>The best advice I ever got was that it is a complete waste of energy to be offended when no offense is intended. Let's teach our children to be sensitive and kind to others. But let's also teach them not to take themselves so seriously they can't laugh at themselves or at the absurdity that sometimes surrounds us all.dalenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13414972890937798371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134944743778689412005-12-18T14:25:00.000-08:002005-12-18T14:25:00.000-08:00Bek, just a thought for you to share with those PC...Bek, just a thought for you to share with those PC's that drive you crazy. . . This whole thing reminds me of a framed quote I saw in a friends house. . . all it said was "Build a bridge". . . It took me a second, I thought it was all lovey-dovey, like build a bridge of friendship and love, but really she said, oh, no, it means. . "Build a bridge. . . and GET OVER IT!!!"wendysuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06972358449380700170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134857065132776042005-12-17T14:04:00.000-08:002005-12-17T14:04:00.000-08:00reteif--good point. I had thought about that too. ...reteif--good point. I had thought about that too. Thanks for you opinion.Bekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134852989428844462005-12-17T12:56:00.000-08:002005-12-17T12:56:00.000-08:00or is the world getting extra sensitive ... nope, ...<I>or is the world getting extra sensitive</I> ... nope, people just are feeling more and more free to but in with advice. Sigh.<BR/><BR/>At least you know what they are thinking. ;)Stephenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00219023897626648057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134848800012503522005-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:002005-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:00Yeah...a girl slammed me into the lockers and star...Yeah...a girl slammed me into the lockers and started hitting me but I wouldn't do anything about it. Then a teacher was drawn to the crowd and broke it up. It's a story I'll have to tell you sometime. <BR/><BR/>Yes, I've got a bit of Cherokee (or, as Brad Wilcox said to me with his huge teeth, "Lamanite Blood!"), but only a few of my cousins and I "look" the part - Dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes, tan easily, etc. It was something I was very aware of since my brother & sister, who are only 16 months apart, were often mistaken for twins: blond-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned twins. And...who's that other girl with them? She's certainly not RELATED...<BR/><BR/>That is very interesting, what those books say. I blame Oprah.~j.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02959570365515658547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134843380623294612005-12-17T10:16:00.000-08:002005-12-17T10:16:00.000-08:00Oh yeah, I also have been reading books that were ...Oh yeah, I also have been reading books that were recomended by our social worker and the a local organization that deals with trans racial families. All of those books say "don't try and teach your children that the world is colorblind. It isn't. Black adult (especially men) will be treated differently by people who don't know them. It is a fact. Teach them how to deal with that."<BR/><BR/>Interesting, right?Bekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134842138823558022005-12-17T09:55:00.000-08:002005-12-17T09:55:00.000-08:00Jen--you got beat up? Yikes....Are you part Indian...Jen--you got beat up? Yikes....<BR/><BR/>Are you part Indian? Hmmmmm, very interesting.....Bekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134842090964697252005-12-17T09:54:00.000-08:002005-12-17T09:54:00.000-08:00See Jen, that is just the issue I am dealing with....See Jen, that is just the issue I am dealing with. It is a fine line we walk between being sentive and treating those issues with the respect they deserve and not going too far over the pc fence.<BR/><BR/>BTW, that episode of Will and Grace had many people upset. It is kind of an example of how people still view adoption. I know that I would never refer to an adopted child as not being real, but I also laughed at it because so many people do. There were many discussions on the adoption boards about how it was terrible, start a letter writing campaign, etc. That is true, but come on, it is also WILL AND GRACE. Sitcoms often sterotype and those characters aren't exactly pillars of the community. They are flawed, etc. I can see how people want to take away bad examples on TV, but I didn't get that upset about it. <BR/><BR/>Once Jacob can talk, my whole philosophy might change, but for now I am going to keep straddling the fence........<BR/><BR/>My word today was: drugybit<BR/>Is it me or did these use to be nonsense words and now they are kind of real? Weird.Bekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421106490759593190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134832622876238072005-12-17T07:17:00.000-08:002005-12-17T07:17:00.000-08:00Bravo, Rebecca! I've been waiting for you to publ...Bravo, Rebecca! I've been waiting for you to publish this, and I'm glad to finally read it. I thought of you a few days ago when I was watching a DVR'd episode of Will & Grace - Will's mom explains Will's neice: "She's adopted, but I like her like she's real." <BR/><BR/>This reminded me of my friend Michael who used to call me Poca (as in, Pocahontas) in reference to my Cherokee coloring. He'd offer to trade me for wampum, etc. His grandfather was from the Philipines, and so he'd make some Filipino jokes about himself that I didn't always get. We laughed so much about it. We could have called my brother and sister Adolf & Eva due to their blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. <BR/><BR/>When you refered to Jacob as monkey, I knew what YOU meant, and I also anticipated what those around you would say. I am so sensitive to this subject...I was accused of being a racist in the seventh or eighth grade and got beat up about it. It was ridiculous. On the one hand, I'm not racist because I see it as a non-issue. On the other hand...does that make me not sensitive enough, and therefore racist by default? I know that prejudices exist, I just don't buy into them.~j.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02959570365515658547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12830417.post-1134830276799515302005-12-17T06:37:00.000-08:002005-12-17T06:37:00.000-08:00This was awesome! I hope Eva doesn't think we lov...This was awesome! I hope Eva doesn't think we love her less because she's not as black as Caleb. We don't have hardly any pictures of her (in comparison to Caleb). :)<BR/><BR/>my word is somewhat ironic today: pmonkcywChristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12327187018339417265noreply@blogger.com