My newest employee

"Mom, I'm your new upstairs maid"

I don't know if it is all the Cinderella we have been watching, but Lauren has become DETERMINED to be a servant in our house. She puts on her "working" clothes (a Juicy tube dress and kerchief? It must be Paris Hilton working clothes......) and asks me for jobs all day long. One day she begged to wash the car, the day I took these pictures she wanted to wash the cabinets and stairs. I forgot to remind her to wring out the wash cloth and as a result we had water sloshed all over the house. Now we just "clean" with baby wipes. The up side of this is that she really is doing a good job keeping her room clean and is getting pretty good with the man cub. She bosses him around better then I could. She is the best little Gestapo informant ever. "Mom, Jacob is eating garbage again" "Mom, JJ is drinking out of the toilet!" "MOM, Cubby is stuck in the fireplace and I can't get him out!". It's like I don't even have to be in the room anymore. Sweet.

Please don't tell me this is going to end. I didn't realize how much I NEEDED an upstairs maid until she showed up!!!

To all who come to this happy place....welcome!

Hello Blogworld!!

Did you notice that I was gone? We took another trip to Disneyland (yup, that is twice a year for the last two years....) because some family members were going and we wanted to see them.

My kids were shockingly good. Lauren is pretty much over the princess worship that has dominated the last few years and has moved on to being a dare devil. She rode ALL THE RIDES! 6 months ago she refused to go on Pirates of the Caribbean because it was too scary and this year she went on Matterhorn 12 times.

The person who had the most fun was Jacob. Here, see?

This picture was taken after Chip and Dale had the NERVE to come over and see us at the character breakfast. :-) Have you ever seen such terror in someone's eyes outside of an Al Jazera hostage video? Seriously, we may have traumatized him. We have similar pictures of the same face w/ many other characters. This one is my favorite. We are clearly sympathetic to his concerns.

Actually, he was dreamy. He just stayed snuggled in his stroller with his Lamby and his snacks. He sucked his thumb and slept. I wish he would do that at church!!!! He also spent a fair amount of time keeping up with his latest hobbies (the ones besides picking his nose that is ) "squeezing into small spaces" and "poking his head through things". Good times.

Lauren loved Minnie and was such a trooper. She figured out the whole pin trading thing and loved doing that. She also was able to go on more rides and really understand more of the shows. I only lost her twice and only cried once. That is doing pretty good for 4 days in Disneyland. She got to hang out with her Aunt Kate and do big kid things and that was the best part of all. She also got to boss around her cousin Sam and be spoiled by Aunt Cyndi and Aunt Kate. It was 5 year old heaven.

We also went whale watching. My poor child had NO IDEA what she was looking for. Much to the chagrin of the non English speaking Japanese tourists that were by us on the boat, every time a wave crashed on the rocks or the light sparkled on the water she could gasp and shout "look!! a whale". Poor Japanese tourists. Oh well, she had fun while she THOUGHT she was seeing whales so who cares. She got more out of it then the rest of us did.

We all had a ball and had plenty of Churro's. Enough to last us for at least another 6 months. More pictures tomorrow (for the grandparents).

Things that are better then flowers......

I want to start this out by saying that my husband is fabulous. He is really great at taking care of me and the kids. I don't want people to think that the topic of this post is a passive/aggressive way of complaining about him. He will do dishes, throw the kids in the tub, gets the diaper bag ready for church, take Lauren for bike rides and do the bedtime routine. All the things that help me get a break when I need it. He works really hard. He works in finance and drives to the city every day. He is on a daily call by 4:00 a.m. and doesn't get home until 6:00 or 7:00 pm. Because he works so early, bedtime is at 8:00' ish. When you only have one free hour at home and you spend it giving your wife a break, that is love. This has nothing to do with him.

Oh Valentines Day, you crazy holiday. We all know that it is a holiday that was made up by the greeting card industry. Who cares? I will always take an excuse to share the love (don't forget to vote....hint, hint). One of my dearest friends was lucky enough to have the last name of Valentine. How cool is that? When people would hear her name and say "Valentine?" she would answer "yes, like the holiday/saint/massacre" depending on her mood. Having a name like Valentine could create a little pressure for the significant other though. You CANNOT drop the ball when that is your wife's maiden name!! So far, he hasn't. Whew.

Speaking of dropping the ball (or not dropping the ball actually), the traditional Valentines gift is usually flowers (or those weird stuffed animal things that are holding hearts, does anyone older then 13 want one of those?), we all know that. In fact, I saw flowers for sale at Walmart yesterday. I know that we all appreciate flowers whenever we can get them, right? No argument there. I just thought it would be fun to make a list of all the things that would be better then (or I should say, as good as) flowers OR things that someone has done (Valentine's Day or not) that are the equivalent of "flowers for no reason".

Send me your list.....I will add them to this as I get them. Happy Valentines Day! (the person who contributed them is in brackets).


-- Some one to put away all the laundry.

-- The dollar equivalent of flowers at Baja Fresh.

--New jeans (and if they can shave off about 20 lbs, all the better).

--Someone to clean out all the Cherrio's and goo that is in the back seat of my car.

-- Those pesky last boxes to be finally unpacked and taken away.

-- Cheese. Any cheese.

--A sunny day at the beach.

-- A really good book and a bathtub........all the Dora bath toy's already removed.

--I big bowl of peanut satay

-- A pile of people magazines, and maybe a Vanity Fair and US Weekly thrown in.

-- A Costco churro. Or seven.

-- A Law and Order marathon

-- Peanuts and M&M's mixed together.

--a pre-packed diaper bag that has everything that I need

--a good soccer game, whether I'm playing or someone else is, it doesn't matter. It just has to be a good game (Kate)

--when my husband makes the bed in the morning...it just makes my day (~J~)

--Someone detailing the baby's high chair (Oh, Judy)

--Someone detailing my carSomeone organizing the storage room (with pretty labels and bins) (Oh, Judy)

--Someone writing me original poetry and/or music (Oh, Judy)

--Someone sending me out the door with a wad of cash to spend on something frivilous (Oh, Judy)

--Someone scraping the cottage cheese off the ceiling in my family room (Oh Judy)

--Two hours at a day spa. (More Caffine Please)

--Two hours asleep in my bed. At 2:00 in the afternoon. (More Caffine Please)

--A Diet Pepsi, bag of Twizzlers and the newspaper. (More Caffine Please)

--9:00 p.m. dinner reservations at Ichiban with my girlfriends. (More Caffine Please)

--A no-spending limit session at Target to buy a bunch of crap I don't need. (More Caffine Please)

--clean the toilet (Wendy Sue)

--decide what's for dinner (Wendy Sue)

--bring me pudding pops (Wendy Sue)

--I second Judy's wad of cash. (Wendy Sue)

--a bouquet of Reeses peanut butter cups (Wendy Sue)

--Giving me a gift certificate and making me spend it on MYSELF!! (Wendy Sue)

--accidentally getting your neighbors Elle magazine, and reading it before you give it back!

--My sister (aka..the live in slave) taking my girl out to dinner once a week for "girl time"

--A new book every time my husband comes home from a business trip. You know, the chic lit kind that they sell in airports.

--A new bathroom floor (mom)

--brushing the kids teeth every night

--taking the kiddo's to the dentist and appointments when they need shots because I just can't stand it

-- cleaning out the laundry room while I was away so I could move my quilting mess down there (Compulsive Writer)

--bringing me home leftover lettuce wraps from PF Changs (Compulsive Writer)

--brought my 5th grader a rose in the middle of class on Valentines Day (Compulsive Writer)

-a trip to Italy in the late summerwith just me and the hubby (Dandelion Mama)

--someone painting the baby's room anything but pink (Dandelion Mama)

--a pedicure, oh heaven...(Dandelion Mama)

--someone I trust unexpectedly taking my kids for the day, leaving me all ALONE... oh, joy! (Dandelion Mama)

--still, even though Im past thirty, the smell of a box of 64 new crayons. Happy....(Dandelion Mama)

--A box of cheese trumps a box of chocolate ANY day; why don't they make Godiva-like heart shaped boxes of specialty cheese?? (Dandelion Mama)

--the smell of night jasmine in Northern California; if you are there, go outside at night and take a deep breath, and know that I cry sometimes because I miss it so much. (Dandelion Mama)

..............more coming all the time...............

Share the Love....

As you can see from the little banner on the side, I have been nominated for a "Share the Love" blog award. Thank you to the person that nominated me! If you want to vote for me, I will post the link to the blog at the bottom of this entry and you can check it out. There are lots of other interesting blogs there too. Our very own "Oh Judy" has been nominated for Humor. I have been nominated for Learn Something New Every Day (no kidding) and Makes Me Want to Have Kids (huh? I thought that my story would have people running for the hills....well for adopting anyway) . I am suspiciously absent from the Happiest category. Hmmmm. I think that you can nominate a blog that you like until midnight tonight. :-)

It seems that there is a link to my blog from the nominee list so I am trying to come up with something really clever and witty to have the next blog entry be about. If people are going to visit and they haven't read the back posts, I don't want the amazing swan table to be the first thing they see!

I will have an excellent post up soon, I am sure......


Here is the nominee list. I think that the voting starts tomorrow!
http://onewomansworld.blogsome.com/2006/02/11/blog-awards-nominees/

For all you procrastinators...

Hello everybody,

I am going to put up a post really soon about Lulu, with funny stories and pictures and everything. I have been accused of having a Jacob-centric blog lately. It isn't that, it is just that currently we pretty much get only whining, crying and sassy talk from Lulu and that just doesn't make good blog fodder. It is MUCH more entertaining to take pictures of a human origami project.

Anyway, Valentines Day is creeping up on us and I know that a few of you are still out there looking for gifts for your special someone. I found something that just might fit the bill. I already tried to get Derek to buy it for me, but he said that he already has it covered. I just want to share the love. You don't have to thank me..............

Seriously. Who doesn't want a beautiful swan table? The description says that this was COMMISSIONED by someone that wanted to create the effect of "peace and serenity". Have these people ever SEEN swans? They are the ones that are always chasing my kids at the duck pond. Nothing says serenity to me more then a glass table top. Not only does this require that I keep all the mac and cheese covered fingers, markers and general children generated goo away from it, but I have to keep it clean UNDERNEATH? Isn't that the one place that it is socially acceptable to have food on the floor for more then a day? :-)

Don't forget the etching. That is a great detail, just in case you didn't get the whole "swan effect" the first time. All this can be yours for the low, low price of $3,000. That is right, 3 grand. :-)

An open letter...

Dear Bono and Mary J. Blige,

I know that you are both amazingly talented people that have sold more records and made more money then I can ever hope to see in my lifetime. I know that you, Bono, are busy saving the lives of African children and making the US forgive loans to small third world countries. Bravo. Mary, I don't exactly know what you do, but I do know that Elton John once gave you a white piano on the Rosie O Donnell show, so you must be doing something right.

I just want to address the TINY issue of the performance at the Grammy's last night. I am still trying to understand how two people who are such good singers and such seasoned performers can turn out a version of the song "One Love" that makes the O Town performance of "Liquid Dreams" at the Miss American pageant look like La Triviata. I am sure that it was supposed to be a match of two different "worlds"; like Eminem and Elton or Gwen Steffani and Moby or Gwen Steffani and Lil Kim. The difference is that theirs worked and yours SO SO SO didn't. I haven't been that uncomfortable at a musical performance since Jennifer Lopez tried to sing that Spanish song with Marc Anthony. It might be because they actually tried it out BEFORE they were on stage.

Bono, sure you were just trying to sing the song as it normally goes and get on with it. That I didn't object to. It was all the flat notes, not being in tempo w/ the music and the general off key performance that I objected to. I think that I saw The Edge wince, TWICE. There is just no excuse for that since you WROTE the song and also have been performing it for the last 20 years. Maybe that was the problem. You figured that you knew it so well there was no need to practice. You might try to justify it by saying "it is hard to hear the music when you are ont he stage" Well, the rest of the bands managed to do it and isn't what those little ear thingy's are for? Maybe it is like when I was a missionary and I had to give so many impromptu talks that I didn't think I needed to prepare. Then I got up on the stand once and totally blanked. That happens, sure, but I am not being paid 30 kajillion dollars for doing it. NO EXCUSE.

And Mary. Mary, Mary, Mary. I am a huge fan of all the scat and improv, gospel-y additional stuff you were trying to do, but again, NOT ON KEY, NOT IN RHYTHM and NOT GOOD. I get the distinct impression that you all didn't practice before this performance. If I didn't know better, I would say that Mary had never actually heard the song before. You had your heart into it though. You were just off in the corner w/ your capri's and Heidi braids just singing and scatting your little heart out. I wanted to like it, but you just gave me NOTHING to work with.

The most disturbing part is that I read a ton of reviews today and it seemed that everyone else LOVED it. Huh? Did any of them actually hear it? Was it so loud in the auditorium that no one could actually hear it and they just assumed that it was good? I don't understand. I guess this really doesn't deserve the attention that I am giving it, but it just makes me so mad. There are so many bands that are trying SO HARD to make it and it is unforgivable to me when such veterans turn out crap on the biggest night of music. It is kind of like giving the finger to your fans. I just wanted to get that out of my system. Now I can focus on more important things like WHAT THE HECK was Charlie doing on Lost last night and if Brittany is going to get arrested for driving down the road w/ her baby on her lap. You know what they say...they can take the girl out of the trailer park.......don't get me started, don't even get me started.

Oh, and Bono, most women don't like being touched on the tummy when they are pregnant. I am not sure how Gwen felt about you bending down and basically LICKING her stomach in front of the entire world. You might save African Children and raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, but you need to remember one word.....BOUNDARIES!

One Love,
R


I realize that in the grand scheme of things this topic is not very important, but it sure made me laugh and then cry. :-) Did anyone else see that last night? I only turned it on during the crapola and didn't watch the rest. How did Uncle James do? Are we HAPPY that Kelly Clarkson won for best female performance, and gasp, didn't thank American Idol? What about Mariah being shut out? Has anyone actually heard her album? Just checking.......I love the Grammy's for the great fashion choices that come out of it too...

My son, the contortionist

My son has an amazing talent, well two really, but I am only going to address one here. He can fit into the SMALLEST spaces and sit perfectly still. Fun, huh? He also will sit silent and still just long enough for me to think that he has somehow gotten out the door, out the gate and is on his way to Safeway. Unfortunately, that has happened more then once. I swear that I am a very attentive mother, but he is FAST and CUNNING. He actually ripped a hole in my screen door to escape once. We have 6 screen doors on the bottom floor and I really can't watch them all at the same time. Luckily, Lauren broke me in on all this stuff. Our old house was across the street from a Walgreens. We would walk over and get ice cream sometimes or play with the toys. The SECOND Lulu could get the door open she was off to Walgreens. Once I was sitting in my front room while she played on our back porch. I glanced out the window to see my 20 month old child running across the parking lot as fast as she could. She had wiggled under the fence to freedom. That was when the "30 second rule" was instituted in our home. More then 30 seconds of silence always meant trouble so I would call out "Lauren, what are you doing?". Even now she will just announce to me out of nowhere "I am ok mom!". Old habits die hard.

In the last 48 hours I have found my son in the following places:

1. Under my mother in law's sink--behind the boxes of detergent--with the door closed.

2. Behind my mother in law's big family room drapes.

3. Under MY sink, with the door closed

4. Under the wing chair in the kitchen. There is approximately 4 inches of space. I still don't know how he got in there.

5. Under my keyboard tray in the computer armoire, again with the door closed. There is so little space in there that I have to move the CPU just to get the door closed.

6. Between the back of the toilet and the wall. You know the little space between the floor and the tank. Perfect.

7. Under my bed. Again, 4 inches of space and in between all the dust bunnies and old clothes that I store under there.

8. In my chimney, sitting on the fake logs with the chain mail curtain thingy pulled shut, oh--he also had his little cow tricycle with him, on his lap.

9. In the refrigerator of the toy kitchen.

10. In the hall closet behind the shoe basket, with the door closed and the light off.

11. In Derek's closet. We have lots of boxes stored in his closet (the kind with the sliding doors). Jacob loves to wedge himself between the boxes and the door and pull the door closed. There is so little space that he has to turn his head sideways.

I am amazed that he can get into these places and has enough awareness to be still and quiet-- until he can't stand it any more and starts to laugh. I am also learning that he isn't afraid of the dark. It is clear that this is a fabulous game to him and he is winning. He has also figured out how to get out of his Britax 5 point harness car seat..arms AND legs. He has been escaping from his high chair since the age of 8 months old. I still can't figure out how he can get the doors closed. The very best part of all though is that he does it all with his Batman mask on. I know that at 16 months old he can't possibly understand what he is doing, can he?

The thing that makes me feel better is that I have a friend that has been through all this before. Oh Judy has a son that makes JJ look like Pollyanna. I can't remember all the things that he has done (there is another blog for you Judy--or did you already do that?) but I know that some of his greatest hits include; hacking at a newly painted wall with the claw side of the hammer and climbing up a pole onto the roof (at 2) both scaring and impressing the neighbor kids. I guess this is just par for the course with little ones. More Caffeine also has quite a list of things that her wee man does, so I know that this is nothing yet. Elpasorepresent's daughter seems to be right on track too. All too soon we will move from funny things to destructive things. As long as no one tells me this is a sign of some rare and terrible disease, I can live with it. If you wanna make me feel better you can tell me about your kids greatest hits.

P.S. The second talent that he has is that he can whistle. Honest to goodness whistling, both sucking in and blowing out. And he does it ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a dream..

Last week for school, Lauren brought home some interesting homework. In preparation for Black History Month, we were to talk to our children about Martin Luther King, Jr. It wasn't hard to guess where this topic was headed. This is another one of those times that as a parent, we have to teach our children, and try to explain, about the terrible things that people do to one another. LDS kids (and other children of Christian faiths) get a little bit of practice, because, lets face it..the scriptures are FULL of people doing bad things. The Christmas story alone is enough to send my Sunbeams quaking in their loafers and patent leather Mary Jane's.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.

Ouch. It is amazing to me that my mom was a teenager when this speech was given and how right he was. Not drinking from the same fountain? Not going to the same schools? Not eating in the same restaurants? Can you even IMAGINE that? I have felt tiny little licks of prejudice as a mother by people who don't like children or choose to understand the difficulties that come with taking a child on a plane or to a restaurant. But, I have a group of people to back me up and say that I am right and valid. Did the people who were involved in the Civil Rights movement have ANYONE that told them that what society said wasn't true? I am thinking not. For the past several hundreds years, society told these folks in every possible way that they were NOT equal. They were NOT to mix. What kind of bravery and courage did it take to decide that it was time the world realized that was just not true? I get huffy when I have to confront someone about my children, I can't imagine doing what they did. I would like to believe that I would have been one of the ones who would have stood up but I am not sure what I would have done.

Black history has taken a new meaning in our house for obvious reasons, but also because Lauren is in school now and is being taught things that it never occurred to me to explain to her. In our family, we had already had a few discussions in this vein.

"Mom, were there black pilgrims?"

"No, the pilgrims were all white".

"Why?"

"Because they came from a place called Europe, and all the people there were white".

"Then how did black people get here?"

"They came on a different kind of boat sweetie".

GULP.

Does my 5 year old need to understand the complexities of the slave trade? Right now, no. Is it important that she understand how and why black people came here. Absolutely........when she is 6 or 8 or 12 or whenever we feel like she can have a discussion about it. I have bought a few children's books about slavery and we will crack them out when the time comes. They even come with discussion questions in the back. Bless those authors!

The combination of February (all the lovey dovey stuff in the air) and the fact that I am an insomniac and tend to get pretty cheesy when I am up late has gotten me thinking. As I get older and pass in and out of various stages in my life I am increasingly grateful for those that have come before me. It is finally sinking in that our entire generation is the recipient of many, many privileges that the people who came before us had to work very hard to achieve. I am so grateful to be a woman, in this country and in this decade. I am grateful for the women who stood up so that I could vote and own property. I am grateful for the women who insisted on attending university, law school and medical school when it wasn't an acceptable thing. I am grateful for them and for the people who hired them; they paved the way to give me so many options when deciding what I wanted to do with myself. I am grateful for all the women who worked so hard to ensure that women could be treated equally in the workplace, that we could have things like maternity leave and company daycare. I am also grateful for all the women who stayed home and raised their children and showed me and the rest of the world that educated, capable and intelligent women really DO have a choice and that choice is not always the workplace. I am thankful for the doctors that took the time and the companies that took the money to research cancer and it's treatments. I am grateful for the people who took experimental drugs that allowed us to figure out how this disease works. It is one of these drugs that is saving the life of my mother-in-law right now. I have realized that I am actually living the end result of what most of these early crusaders hoped that their actions would lead to. We all are.

In honor of Black History month, I am also thankful for the people that decided 40 years ago that enough was enough. That they decided to "cash the check" that America wrote them when they emancipated the slaves that told them they were entitled to the same rights and liberties. The direct impact it had in my life was that I was able to grow up and know that it didn't matter if my kids were black, white or green. When it came time to decide how my husband and I would create our family we didn't have to worry if we would be ostracized by our family for adopting our son or worry that our life or his life would be endangered. What a gift.

"I have a dream that one day...little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. "

When I was telling Lauren about how brown people couldn't sit at the front of the bus or go to school with white kids or eat at the same restaurants she was having a hard time believing it. "just because their skin is different, mom? That is it?" How amazing that the thought of these things are viewed as so outlandish today that even a 5 year old is incredulous. She followed up with "does that mean white people couldn't adopt brown people?" When I told her yes, that was true too, she got really teary eyed. She walked over to Jacob and kissed his head and said "that is just not fair! What would we do without our Jacob?" That is the literal fulfillment of Dr. King's vision. Not only do they walk together as brothers and sisters, but the fight together, tease each other and cause trouble together as brothers and sisters too.

I know that the world is not perfect, that there are still many forms of racism today. I know that even though the message MLK preached was a worthy one, the man himself struggled with his own demons. I know all this, but I still believe that the world is a better place today then it was. I still believe that my children are benefiting from all the people that came before them and saw a need for change and weren't afraid to stand up and do it. I hope that I am able to teach them to be those kinds of people too. I hope that if I see an opportunity to do the same, I will not be afraid to stand up and lend my time and energy to a cause that I believe in. Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I still really do believe that one person can make a difference. I believe that the world in 40 years will be a better place for my grandkids then it is today. I have faith in human beings and their ability to do the right thing. History is full of times when humankind has back stepped a little bit. My own life is full of time when individuals have made me question if humans really are much better then animals. As far as the big picture goes, I am still a believer.

So, thank you to all that came before, and thank you to all that are trying right now to make a difference in this world. I may not agree with what you are fighting for, but I think that as long as our world has people in it that care enough to fight for something, we will end up leaving this place better then we found it. Today, that is an encouraging thought.

Human again...

We are finally over the evil sickness. I see from other blogs that we have passed it along.

Oooops.

Not much has happened lately so I am going to take this opportunity to show you how cute my son's room is. I just so happen to have a very talented friend (well, I have many talented friends, but this one is at the top of the list). Her name is Oh, Judy and OOOHHH JJJUUUDDDYY did she set me up. This is the blanket that my son has recently decided is his security blanket. Thank goodness because the walls match it. :-)

I showed Oh, Judy what I had in mind and she made it happen in just a few hours. Here are a few pictures of the room.

About 10 minutes ago I went into Cubby's room to take this picture. This is how spoiled I am with him, he stood up, smiled for the camera and then I just tuned of the light and left him and he went right back to sleep. Sadly, this isn't the first time we have done this to him (wake him up--not take pictures. I use his closet to store my sewing stuff....)

I normally have toys on the shelves...I just finished painting them...

they were hot pink in their previous life in Lauren's room.

Thanks Judy......

P.S. She is available for other mural work, and she her prices are reasonable.......come on, you know you wanna..........

I need a sick day....

Greetings,

It has been a slow blog week (well for writing anyway, not for reading). We are sick. It seems like everyone we knew got sick over the holidays. A horrible, never ending, flu/cold, "take me in the back yard and just shoot me" sick. I was very smug as my family celebrated, opened presents and skied.

I consider myself chastised.

This thing will NOT go away. It is only violent for about 6 hours at a time and then it eases up. Just enough for you to think that you might be getting better. Then it is back in its full fury. The symptoms are not the same either. We have a rotating panel of illnesses here. Between the four of us we have had everything you can think of, but none at the same time.

Before I beg someone to take me in the backyard and shoot me, I better go and try to put some type of nourishment into my children's bodies. Those frozen waffles aren't going to make themselves.

See you soon!

Dear Jacob,

HOW, HOW, HOW in the name of all that is holy did you become a child that has a security blanket? How did this happen? I know that other kids have them. I am assuming that it is because their parents gave them the same blanket all the time. We did not do this. We didn't have the luxury. The first criteria for any blanket that came near you was if it was absorbent. I also liked them to match, but this was not always possible. You were a "super spitter" and no blanket lasted longer then 10 minutes in your clutches before it was off to the washer. You still spit and I still have to carry 3 blankets everywhere I go. I am so grateful for Carter's brand waffle weave blankets I could cry. They can hold GALLONS of spit up. They are cheap too, so occasionally when I don't have the heart to wash a full load of them, they go in the garbage. (readers....this is wasteful, I know, but don't try and pretend that you haven't once thrown away a onsie after an explosion when you are, say, at the mall or driving across country....) That is not the reason your middle name is Carter, but it is better then the real reason!!

Back to the point....you have to be patient with me. I am not a mom that is used to her children having "special" things that can't be replaced. I am a bit absent minded and not terribly organized. Just keeping track of the children is a victory in my book. When you were born, you started sucking your thumb and you have not stopped. I was so glad...I hate having to track down Dummy's (or Nuk's, or Binkies or whatever you call them). I figure you will always have your thumb, so less work for me. Thank you. I might have been tipped off by the fact that every time you put your thumb in your mouth, you start reaching for something to hold. Laundry (dirty or clean, you don't discriminate), washcloths, mom's shirt, Lauren's hair (your favorite in the car...she can't escape). But, you didn't care WHAT it was, as long as it was something. As of today, you care. Well, actually it was more like a few days ago, but you care.

Right now, you are screaming in your crib because apparently, you don't have the right blanket. It is in your father's car. I forgot to bring it in. From here on out I can look forward to one more thing to keep track of, one more thing to freak out about if it is lost, and one more step at bedtime. That is ok, because you are a pretty great kid. I just want to say THANK YOU that the blanket you chose just so happens to match the newly "muralized" nursery. For that, I forgive the rest.

Love,
Mom

P.S. We need a "name" for the blanket. Lauren calls it Lamby, Jacob calls it "gup gup" (but I think that is how he says his name right now). Any suggestions?

To my blogging public.....

Dear Readers,

I have noticed that many of you have cool templates for your blogs. The colors are hip and cool and change often (Caffeine, Nie Nie, to name just a few) and they are very streamlined and minimal (C Jane, Carina, Jolly Porter, Elpaso, Jet, to name just a few more). How did you do it? Will someone help me? I also have been inspired to use more pictures.....lots of you do that. I have the camera, so why not.

I think it is time to move past the pastel polka dots and crank it up a notch.......

Help??????????

Rebecca

P.S. I also want someone to sew a slipcover for my couch that needs to last us a few more years, but I don't really expect to find someone that can do THAT for me. I can upholster, but I need something that a) I don't have to tuck in and b) I can wash. I will pay cash money........I just want to throw that out there too.

P.P.S. Matias, this is not your official "shout out" (that would be more like...."yo, yo, Matias n the HOOOUUUUSSSSEEEEEE!!!!" Soon, soon my friend) but aren't you some kind of computer genius? :-) Any one who can pimp out a TIVO has GOT to be able to help me.......Also, I don't know if I spelled your name right......

Worship Jams

I don't know if I am thrilled or disturbed that my 5 year old daughter knows every word and every song to the commercial for "Worship Jams"...Oh sorry, Worship JAMZZZZZZZ. According to the website (whose web address I found after listening to Lulu repeat the entire commercial while playing w/ her new My Little Pony's), Worship Jamz is a compilation of "30 of the most popular praise and worship songs performed by kids for kids. Worship Jams is currently one of the best-selling CD collections on TV. Your children will enjoy hours of singing along with the best praise and worship songs featured on the Worship Jams CD"

Great. First item of business--she is watching WAY TOO MUCH TV, especially Nick Jr. I wish school would start again already. That is major points off for me. It could be really great that she is singing songs that have a positive message (to a rock 'n roll beat). I might actually get this for her. It beats listening to the Dora the Explora' theme song one million times in a row. I am betting that these songs are more then 30 seconds long...thus extending the time I can listen to the album in the car before wanting to slit my wrists. Points for Worship Jamz. Also, anything that she can sing to give us a little break from Annie (still going strong in our house) is a good thing. On the down side, she doesn't even know all the Primary songs and I can just see her belting out some Worship Jamz at church. That isn't even that bad though. Here is my main problem with this collection....it is spelled with a "z". That is minus many, many points. I am surprised they didn't market it as EXTREME Worship Jamz..because we all know that the only thing kids like more then things spelled with a Z is having the word "extreme" in front of it. I just don't think I can pull the trigger....it's that darn Z!!

Jury is still out on this one.............anyone else seen this album or is mine the only 5 year old obsessed with Christian rock compilations?

I always knew Tom Cruise and I had a date with destiny.....

This morning I was reading a post by my friend, The Jolly Porter. He talked about a website that will scan a picture of your face and tell you what celebrity you look like. This sounded like it would be LOTS of fun. Normally, I don't follow up on this stuff, but my husband took the kids on a long bike ride so I had the house to myself for a few hours. Of course, I had to do it! This was way more important then laundry or dishes. I scanned a fairly recent picture. I still had a puffy face from pregnancy weight, so I was prepared for the worst. The first name that came up was Guillermo Coria (60%). A guy. Does this count? I am not sure that I know who this is but he plays tennis. He kind of looks like Mark Wahlburg to me. The next person on the list was Juliet Binoche (55%). I was pretty happy with this because I looked like her glamour shot. It kind of goes downhill from there.

Next was Katie Holmes. That was kind of cool. It was a 52% match. The matching database had about 20 pictures of Katie. It was pretty interesting to see which one it thought that I resembled most.

It wasn't sexy Katie...

or fresh faced "Dawson's Creek" Katie...

nope, not "Angelina Jolie" Katie...

heck, it wasn't even "Brittney Spears" Katie...

Yes folks, apparently I look like "who needs individuality? I'll just get date an older man, get knocked up, have a silent child birth and join a cult" Katie. In this picture she looks just as glassy eyed as her crazy (and I have been saying this since 1989) boyfriend/cult leader. I am just glad that he proved me right over the summer. This is the same look I saw on a deer that I once hit with my car, seconds before its life ended. I feel creepy. That isn't very promising...

Not to be turned back--I kept scrolling to see who else I looked like. There was a tie for a 51 % match. JK Rawling. Ok, I will take it! She does look a little bit English and I suspect that there are some English teeth behind that smile. It is flattering to look like the richest woman in the UK and the only person to have a book on the NY Times Best Seller list for WEEKS before it was even published--not to mention the woman who may have single handedly gotten 10 years olds excited about reading again. Wicked.

WHAAAAAAAA? The tie for third place is Nicole Kidman? ANOTHER ONE OF TOM CRUISES WIVES? Ewwww, yuck, gag. What is this trying to say? I am offended at this. Again, I got "pre-nose job, I just met my husband and haven't gotten the Hollywood cynicism and polished looks" Nicole. This is "Days or Thunder" Nicole. The one that Crazy Tom fell in love with. Again, ewwwwww.

I am not a match to "Alicia Silverstone" Nicole...

or "Liz Phair" Nicole....

or even "Daryl Hannah" Nicole.

At least I didn't get matched with "too much botox/skull cap" Nicole, or...

"Orange- poodle- curls- and- you- probably- didn't- need-to- double- the- collagen- injections" Nicole.

Next came Andie McDowell. If I have to look 48% like any talentless, monotone, model turned actress with the most annoying accent EVER, I am glad it is this gal. I am especially glad that this is the picture I matched

and not this one,

this one,

or this one. (how did I miss a movie with Ms. McD as a nun?)

At the risk of this post taking too much space. I will just show you the pictures of the others that came just a few percentage points behind.

47%

46% (I KID YOU NOT), how can they be so close of the scale? This lady is scary!!

Finally, my last match is to Miss Joni Mitchell.

I think it is the nostrils. I actually think that it is because I have a pointy chin and most of these people do too. I hope it isn't the noses, because that is not a pretty bunch, collectively. Derek suggested that I try a picture of myself when I was really skinny, just to see if I got different matches. I did. The first picture that came up AND had the highest percentage match (almost 75%) is this fine lady..........

I have just seen a glimpse into my future and it scared me a little. I will stick with the Mrs. Cruise's.......

Merry Christmas...

All I want for Christmas this year is for BOTH of my children to smile at the same time!!!
I realize that when I put up pictures they always look something like this:

Everyone is smiling...clothes are mostly in order....
The reality is that most of our time is spent with them doing this:

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! We are going skiing for a few days so I will not be back until the New Year. I wish everyone happiness, health and joy in 2006!!

I give up....

I got tagged by one of those special internet thingy's where you have to write things about yourself. On the one hand, I am feeling kind of popular right now because someone tagged me. ME!!! Although, that is sort of like feeling "popular" after someone gives you mono. On the other hand, I am not the kind of person who passes along chain letters. I don't even feel guilty. Heck, I don't even read them--I just delete them. I am pretty sure that by now I am personally responsible for thousands of people not getting dishtowels, recipes, dollars, blessings or treats. Do you know how bad I am? I don't even GET the special treats left by Thanksgiving ghosts or Halloween Turkeys that you are supposed to then pass along to other families. Sigh.

I am supposed to share 5 things that people don't know about me. Here is the problem. For the people who know me, they know pretty much all about me. I tend to talk. A lot. I am also pretty open about most of my life. I am a transparent eyeball (anyone get this reference? Lisa?). Not about yukky things like hygiene and other subjects that have NO place in society no matter how close of friends you are, but things like how occasionally I want to sell my children to the gypsies, I like to read magazines like People and Us Weekly, I feed my kids refined sugar and let them watch TV and that I hate Renee Zelewiger. That kind of stuff. People who know me will already know this about me. I have been trying to think of things that most people won't know about me--and I am coming up empty. The very few things that aren't public knowledge really need to stay that way. Those that only know me via the blog world won't know enough about me to know the difference. See the problem? After much thought and contemplation, here is the list I managed to come up with.

1) My mom is the secret love child of Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. We had to keep it a secret for a long time but since both actors are dead now, it's OK to tell. Also, since the only celebrity gossip that gets printed nowadays has to be about Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, no one cares anymore.

2) In high school I was offered the chance to be a runway model at Fashion Week in Milan, but turned it down because I really wanted to go to BYU instead. Then, I auditioned for- and got- the part of the girlfriend (Sloane) in Ferris Buelers Day Off, but turned it down because I really wanted to serve a mission. Finally, I had the chance to marry Steve Young when he was in law school at BYU. He begged me. Seriously. But, I turned him down because I just really don't like football and we all know that a life with Steve Young would have involved A LOT of football.

3) I won the lottery when I was on my mission. A HUGE one, but since we aren't supposed to gamble and most definitely aren't supposed to gamble when we are missionaries, I never told anyone. I gave the ticket to one of my investigators and we agreed to secretly split it--after we paid tithing of course. I live like a normal/poor person so no one will suspect.

4) I dated Carly Simon's son Ben Taylor in college (oh, the stories I could tell about being at his house for Thanksgiving one year...James Taylor got SO drunk......good times). He told me who the song "You're so Vain" is about. And he told me how she keeps her curly hair so shiny.

5) W. Mark Felt is a big fat liar. I am Deep Throat and Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein know it. They just let this Felt guy take the credit so people would QUIT ASKING THEM ABOUT IT ALREADY. He is kind of senile and really old so they didn't have to worry about him ruining the plan.

There is is. Now you all know everything that there is to know about me. It just occurred to me that any time I read one of these post where someone has been tagged, it always starts with "I really don't like these things but....". If no one likes them, then WHY do we all feel compelled to do them? I guess I will stay true to form and not tag anyone else. If I can be but a small part of stopping this madness I will have made a difference in the world. Well, the blog world anyway.

Cheers,
Rebecca

Overheard...

This morning I heard Lauren singing in the bathroom. Here is what she said:

"today is the beeeeeeeeesssssssssstttttttttt day ever. I love Saturday so much. I can wear whatever I want. My mom can't tell me what to wear, even if my sssshhhhhooooeeessss don't match....."

;-)

Life is like a bag of monkeys.....

At the rest of sounding OBSESSED with my adoption situation, I am posting this anyway. I wrote this over two weeks ago (BEFORE the need to put the "Disclaimer" up on the blog). I thought it was pretty funny and am going to post it anyway. Life is funny....

I gave a talk in church this week. It was a pretty good talk, spiritual and had an actual point--unlike most of the talking I tend to do. During the course of the talk I made a comment that I missed holding my son when he was a baby because now it is like holding "a bag of wild monkeys". I got several "reminders" not to call my black son a monkey. The reminder was specifically because he is black--and it was from white people.

Uhhhhh, OK. Beyond the fact that I didn't call him a monkey (I called him a bag of monkeys), BACK OFF PEOPLE!!! I have since learned that the term monkey used to be a disparaging term in the past and so I can see why there is a tiny, tiny shred of weight to that one. Ironically, his appearance had nothing to do with why I made the comment....it was in reference to an animal that it would be difficult to hold a bag of. In retrospect, maybe I should have said "bag of wild cougars" I forgot to do the racial sensitivity checklist before I spoke. Is cougar ok? Will that make the BYU Alumni upset? Is there any Native American custom I might be mocking? The racial aspect of the comment has to do w/ the facial feature of some African American's. The comment about my son was personality based. But even if it wasn't...so what? I will address this in another paragraph. My son is called a monkey because he can climb ANYTHING. He has been known to take a running leap at my legs and grab on and wrap his skinny little arms and legs around mine and STAY THERE. He is freakishly strong. He can wrap his legs around my waist and make it very difficult to dislodge him. If I grab him by his hands and pull him up, he will bring his legs up and fold himself in half so that his feet are by his ears--all while hanging in the air. FREAK. ISH. LY. STRONG. I see now that I really should have said a "bag of Chinese contortionists". Wait, am I allowed to say Chinese? See, I did it again. He also has the cutest little bowed legs and when he was first leaning to walk, he held his hands straight above his head. We called it his "gorilla walk". It was adorable and I STILL watch the video of it. SO WHAT!!

I also have been "reminded" to take "lots of pictures of my son so that when he is older and compares his pictures with his sisters, he won't think we love him less". Oooookkkaaaay. Clearly this advice giver had given this some thought, and that part is touching and appreciated. But honestly, I defy you to find ANY second child that has as many pictures as the first. Lady, that is not just for adopted kids. Just ask my sister Melissa (the 5th girl) or my brother Jeff (the 7th child). If it was left to photographic evidence, the world wouldn't be totally sure that these children even existed. Her advice was given in the context of us being a transracial family and the fact that he is adopted. I am hoping that when my son is older, he won't think we love him less then his sister because of all the time and effort and parenting we will do with/for him. Of course, if he is like any other child (not just adopted ones) at some point he WILL think we love him less then his sister. I am pretty sure that I wouldn't be doing my job if that wasn't the case at least once or twice.

Is it just me or is the world getting extra sensitive? Am I just naive? I am not saying that we shouldn't be sensitive to the differences around us. I am also not denying that there won't be issues that will come up because of the fact that my son is who he is. I know that there will be. How do I prepare for my daughter? Do I prepare for her to be not good in school? Not popular? Too tall? At least with Jacob there are a few I can anticipate. As a family, are we sensitive to my son's racial and cultural heritage? Of course we are. We embrace his identity. But that is it--I am just not allowed to talk about it, or I have to be very, very careful if I do. I have been chastised for saying my son is back, I was told to say African American. When I have said African American, I was told to say Black American. Who can keep track? I have been told that a white woman couldn't possibly know how to raise a black child. It is true that as a white woman, I don't know what it is like to be a black child. I don't know what it is like to be a boy either, but no one questions my ability to raise a son, just a BLACK son. Yes, there are people in the world that use color as a basis for poor treatment. There are also those that are disparaging towards women, or Mormons, or Democrats. I plan on defending ALL of my children from ALL of these things. I wish that none of it existed, but it does.

But is it as big of a deal as I am being forced to think it is? In our home, Jacob being black is such a small part of what he adds to this family. I think of him as cheerful, charming, funny and clever before I think black. Am I doing my family a disservice for not being extra, extra PC? My children ARE different. Lauren wouldn't put her face underwater for a million dollars. Jacob sits under the faucet in the tub. Lauren loves to play alone, Jacob is proving to be more attached to me and wants me much closer the Lulu did as a one year old. I take my kids differences and similarities in stride. Their skin color is one of those many, many differences. Am I not allowed to acknowldege it? The reality is that my son is black and my daughter is white. Doesn't not addressing that issue make THEM think it is a bigger deal then it is, or a subject that shouldn't be talked about? I want them both to be comfortable with who they are and what the world might throw at them. This is one thing that I am pretty sure that both of them are going to have to address to strangers and friends as some point. Maybe we don't celebrate Kwanza or eat African food in my house, but we don't eat Tripe or Haggas or German Food either. I am pretty sure that Jacob will know much more about HIS racial heritage then Lauren will. No one cares if white people know about the culture they came from--but wouldn't that be the same thing?

My daughter has a nickname, we call her Birdy. The day she was born, she looked so much like a little baby bird that it just stuck. My son has been called "the Monkey Man" since he was born. When Jacob was born--he did resemble a baby chimpanzee. Look at the picture for yourself and try to deny it. We also said that he looked like an 80 year old grandmother w/ a bad perm and Don King. When we got new white carpet and the fuzz stuck to his hair, we thought he looked like Morgan Freeman. He was also the hairiest baby EVER. The still has more of a mustache then many 16 year olds. I can see how in many ways people would think that is a terrible thing to say. I need to point out that it was his BIRTH MOTHER who first pointed it out. Her oldest son she named Cornelius because she thought he looked like that character in Planet of the Apes. She was clearly comfortable w/ the comparison. Newborn Jacob had an afro of frizzy black hair and a scrunchy little face. He was so skinny, there wasn't much fat under his skin and it was loose and had folds in it. His flat little nose and enormous eyes made him the most monkey-like baby I have ever seen. He would sit on my hip and just hang on w/ his little fists.......it was adorable. Some babies look like turtles when they are born. Others look like shriveled old men. One of my good friends had a baby (white) that looked so much like a monkey it was kind of scary to think about her future. She is now one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. Lets not forget the "monkey twins" aka Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. (seriously--they did look like monkeys when they were little). Does that mean they weren't cute? The entire NATION tuned in to see those simian featured children say "thanks DUDE" on Full House for many years. It might not be the nicest thing to say, but it isn't just black babies that bring on the comparison. Besides, what is cuter then a baby monkey? Seriously. Why is it ok to call my WHITE daughter a bird because of her resemblance, but NOT ok to call my son a monkey because of his on the basis that someone MIGHT be offended. It's not like I was calling him a serial killer or a pedophile. Isn't that a kind of racism too? Where is the line between respecting the difference between them and not making something a bigger deal then it really is? Or, am I like the people who are really racist but don't think they are? I don't think I am, but I wouldn't then, would I?

That is all I have to say about that. When I really think about it, I would rather live in a world that is extra cautious because that might mean that people are more likely to err on the side of kindness. I will teach my children that we should value the world's opinion as far as it will influence how we are perceived, but that what we DO is always going to be more important then what we look like. I will also teach them that while some people may hurt our feelings, the only opinions that REALLY matter are the ones offered by the people who know and love, or at least respect, us. I will also try harder to accept advice, if not for the actual content, but in the spirit in which it was meant. All I DO know is that I love my kids. I have many talents and goals for my life, but for right now I am going to invest all my time and energy into preparing them to go into the world as good, honest, fun and kind humans. And I wasn't offended by the "help" from our friends. I thought it was funny, and then it just got me thinking...

**Don't even get me started on the all the holiday PC. It is too much for me to even process right now. Let me just get this out in the open. I am going to spend the CHRISTMAS season in front of my CHRISTMAS tree w/ my Birdie and my Monkey Man eating refined sugar, milk that is NOT organic and counting my blessings. Whatever you may call this upcoming week, I wish you a happy and safe holiday.

Not her first time being a flower girl,
but this IS the first time she got gold sequined shoes!
His first tie. What a BIG boy! This is just after his first birthday......

My little social butterfly..

My daughter is pretty much a replica of my husband. Except for the blue eyes and the ability to talk a stone wall to death--she doesn't get much from me. Today I found another trait.

I am not what you would call shy. In fact, I am what most people would call overbearing and overly friendly. I am the lady that will actually respond to the grocery store checkers questions about my day. That might be why I know all the employees at Walgreens and Safeway. I know their names and have exchanged Christmas cards w/ many of them. I know which one is being a surrogate for her brother and his wife, but no one else at work knows it. I know which one works at the Walgreens AND the Safeway (which is totally against the rules and would get her fired), etc. They talk, I listen, I talk, they listen. Cheaper then therapy.

Anyway, a few nights ago Lauren came home asking if she could have a playdate with Fred. I don't know who Fred is, but told her that I would try and follow up. I assumed it was someone from school. Last night Fred came over to return Lauren's sunglasses that she left at the pool. Fred is 90 if he is a day. Seriously. She has asked me 12 times if I will call him and set up a play date. I am not exactly going to send my daughter over to the home of a strange adult man. I don't think he is any danger--in fact, I would be worried more about Fred then I do about Lauren. She could actually talk him to death. BUT, it is not something I would do. She also bugs me about going over to our neighbor Alice's house. Alice also just turned 90. I wish this was the end of the list, but it goes on and on. She knows ALL the old people around here and half of them don't even like kids. I gotta hand it to her, being able to make friends with people who actually turn around when they see you coming is a social skill I am still working on.

After the millionth time of her asking me and me saying no she asked me "Mom, why don't any of those kids want to play with me?"

Ha!

Disclaimer to Birth mothers and Adoptive Families....

I have recently commented on a few blogs that are adoption related. I was a little bit concerned about leaving comments because people can find my blog. If you read the archive, you will see that we have had a really hard time w/ our birth mother. I don't go into much detail (because it isn't necessary) but I think that at one point I call her crazy and say that I am glad we don't have to deal with her anymore. I would never want to add to the fears of any birth mother that an adoptive family would distance themselves from her or just decide to stop contact. This was not the case with us, and because all the details aren't public, it is hard for you to know that our decision was based on many, many issues that stretched over the space of many months. I am not talking about things like "birth mother wants to spend time alone w/ the child" or "she wants more visits then I do." I am talking about dangerous, disrespectful, illegal, and hurtful things done on the part of our birth mother. Most people would NEVER dream of treating others the way we were treated, let alone the family that they chose to raise their child. This decision was a last resort for us and was not made lightly. Please believe this.

I have been "called out" by several members of the adoption community (birth mothers and adoptive families) for having this story public. I am aware that this is the thing that most birth mothers fear the most. Open adoptions are not legally binding in most states and it is a good faith agreement. Remember that phrase--GOOD FAITH. In our case, the good faith totally broke down. For an open adoption to work, both sides must be very clear about what their expectation is. It is my opinion that a family that actively seeks to enter into an open adoption is usually interested in keeping the the birth family in the picture. The birth parent may not have the physical care of the child, but in an open adoption the birth family plays a part in the emotional and spiritual development of the child and the the whole family. Most people who seek open adoption are looking to add you to the circle of their family. They know that things won't always be perfect. They know that there may be painful things in the future, but they are convinced that openness in the relationships between all parties is the healthiest thing for the child and family. They are willing to talk things out and work through any issues that may come up because they believe in their choice. Those that aren't willing to do this usually choose semi-open. Ask questions and be honest with your families about what you expect. However, as a mother it is my duty to protect my children. Any person who causes my family harm is no longer welcome in our circle. PERIOD. If these things had been done by my own mother, my siblings or husband the action would have been the same. There are consequences for all of our actions. If you hurt my children, steal from me and cause severe emotional trauma, you are not welcome in my life. Birth mother or not.

I am sorry if this story is upsetting for others to read or adds to the fears of those of you considering open adoption. You should try living it. In many ways, we are experiencing the worst fears of an adoptive family. Our lives have been changed in more ways that I could have ever imagined and the hurt goes very deep. It will be many, many years before we are able to recover financially, emotionally and legally. Believe it or not, for me the worst part of this is the loss of the open relationship. I grieve for the fact that my son will no longer have contact w/ his brothers. I miss speaking with his birth mother. If I had a question about him or just wanted to share a funny thing he did, I could call her. I don't have that now. I am angry that someday I will have to share this part of the story with him. I am frustrated that the open relationship that we really, really wanted has been taken from us. It cuts both ways. We still love her and will always respect her choice to place Jacob with us. She will still get pictures and a letter once a year (that was the original agreement, we had been getting along so well it progressed from there to weekly calls, visits, etc). She will always be a special person to us for the reason that she brought our son to us. We are hoping that distance and time can heal the other stuff.

If you are a birth mother reading this, please feel free to contact me if you have concerns about the things I have written. I am happy to give details on an individual basis. Please let me be the first to reassure you that our situation is the exception, not the rule and it this was the absolute last resort. If you plan on treating your adoptive family with respect and love and honor the relationship that all of you share, you will have nothing to worry about. If you jeopardize the safety and happiness of the adoptive family, I would imagine that you would be cut off as well. That is just the way it is.

No one else's story will be the same as mine. I am sure that there are birth mothers out there that have been cut off from their adoptive families and didn't do any thing wrong. There are no guarantees in any of this. I am sorry that this has to be an aspect of it. I choose to embrace what has happened to us and not pretend it didn't happen. When we adopt again, we plan on having an open adoption again. We might be a bit more guarded, but we don't plan on punishing the next birth mother for the actions of the previous one. In fact, we are even MORE hopeful for an open relationship next time.

As I reread this I am afraid that it seems like this is something I am defensive about or dwell on. It isn't really. I don't really think about it as much as I used to. If you notice, my blog does not center mostly on adoption. It is about my life and my family. Adoption is a part of that, but a very small part. My days are spent enjoying my children (or not enjoying them so much on some days), spending time w/ my friends and their children and trying to keep the house picked up and the laundry done. It is the same with my son. The adoption aspect of it only really comes up when someone makes a comment or I get a comment about this blog. Adoption is not a part of our daily conversation. Jacob is my son first. He is charming, funny and sweet. He is all of these things to me before he is my adopted child. My daughter is beautiful, sweet, smart and a little bit of a pill these days before she is my biological child. I am responding to the comments and requests that I have gotten as a result of this blog. I also want to be fair to those that come to this blog and may not understand the whole story. Almost everyone who reads this blog is someone I know, but lately there have been visitors that I don't know and I want to present an accurate picture. If you are unhappy with the way I choose to do things, that is fine. Live your own life differently. If you feel the need to comment, I guess that is OK too because we are all entitled to our own opinion. I only ask that you be respectful of my decisions and I will be respectful of yours. Discussion is fine, opinions are fine, asking questions is fine--hurtful words, inflammatory comments and disrespect is not. I am always happy to answer questions or offer help. I am a huge fan of open adoptions and feel that our story on how it didn't work out can be as helpful as the ones where it is a roaring success.

Thank you for taking to time to understand where I am coming from.