Story #1

Have you ever wondered what it would smell like if you walked into a room that had a dead person under the bed that had been there awhile, then it rained and flooded the building but nobody bothered to clean up or remove the carpet, then another person died under the bed, then someone cooked garlic and curry in the room and served it to a dog that puked it all up and then peed all over the entire room? If you have, go to the Cadillac Motel in Lovelock, Nevada. Ask for room 6.

The kids and I headed out of SF on Thursday afternoon and made pretty good time. We didn't even stop for meals...we just kept on going. The kids were troopers (the DVD player helped) and we didn't have to make 8,000 stops for the bathroom. I knew we wanted to get farther then Reno (where we usually stay the night at Circus Circus) but wasn't sure if we could make it all the way to Elko. We got just outside of Reno and the kids started to loose it. I decided we would stay at the next big town, Lovelock. I called ahead and found that almost every room in town was booked (huh? there is nothing there.....) but a place called the Cadillac Inn had a room for $35. That should have been my first clue.

We pulled into the motel parking lot and saw 8 small buildings that were surrounding a small plot of land (more about that later). In the lobby, a 1,000 year old man checked us in. No computer, just filled out a piece of paper that had my license plate number on it. Names aren't important in a small town like Lovelock (whose theme is incidentally "lock your love in Lovelock".....does that make sense to anyone?). We walked toward the little room across the parking lot. On the way the owner pointed to the plot of land in the middle and informed me that it was the town's Chinese cemetery. He also told me that they had just celebrated "Ching Ming" (I'm not making fun, I swear that is exactly what he said) or Chinese Memorial Day. He also invited me to visit the Frank M. Chang museum of Chinese History, open 24 hours a day, in Room 2. (this intrigued me on so many levels...were people staying in Room 2 and you just said "excuse me, I wanted to see the museum" or did he sacrifice 1/8 of his income to dedicate the room to Mr. Chang? Intrigued, I tell you). I asked him why there were so many Chinese people in the town; had they come when the railroad was built?" Remember, this town is TINY and in the middle of nowhere. They have exactly one McDonald's, one bar and one gas station. TINY. It was hard to imagine anyone living there, let alone any kind of minority ethnic group. He told me that no, they hadn't come with the railroad, they were just always there. Hmmm. I am pretty sure that they weren't "always" there, what with it being in the middle of nowhere and all, but I can't imagine what else would have brought them to this town. In fact, I can't imagine what brought ANYONE to this town. I will need to do some more research on that one.

He handed me the key and by the time I had opened the door to the car, he was gone, the lights were off in the lobby and the sign on the door said closed. I pulled the kids out of the car and opened the door. That is when the special smell I described above hit me. I dry heaved, just a little bit. Well, a lot. I looked at Lauren and she looked at me and we bravely went in. I figured that the room had been closed up for awhile, so I opened all the windows and the door, I lit a few matches and sprayed perfume. I figured it would air out in a few minutes while I unloaded the car. I sniffed around the room and didn't find any wet patch of carpet or a place that was stronger then others (like, for instance, under the bed where there could be a decomposing body). I was hoping it was just a room that hadn't been opened for a few months.

I dropped the kids on the bed and unloaded. After 10 minutes, the smell was not getting much better. The only thing that had changed was that the room was much colder and there was a top note of smoke and a bottom note of perfume. By this time it was 11:00 pm, I was beat and the kids were zombies. I figured I would just put them to bed and we would all go to sleep--you can't smell in your sleep, right? If I sprayed enough perfume and lit enough matches, eventually the smell of perfumy smoke would overpower it, right? We all jumped into bed and turned the lights off. It got WORSE...is that possible? If you were very, very still it was tolerable, but if you moved your head at all you got a little bit of a whiff and the dry heaving started again. (Let me take a minute to tell you that I have been accused of having bat senses by my husband. I am what is called a "super smeller". I smell EVERYTHING even when others can't. Pregnancy was a treat). I was kind of hoping that it was just me that was so bothered. The kids didn't seem to be too bugged by it. I just tried to go to sleep.

After about 15 minutes Lauren poked me in the arm and said "mom, if you just put your nose under your shirt and smell your breath it isn't as bad". That was when I decided that we needed to go. Then next town was over an hour away and I was tired. What to do? I decided that instead of ending up like the last 12 minute of every horror movie ever made (surely there was a dead body in there somewhere) I decided to split. I dumped everything in the car and headed over to the office. The guy eventually opened (believe me...I was NOT leaving until I had talked to him). He acted like I had told him there was a three headed monkey living under the bed. "Smell? what? I didn't smell anything? No one else has complained." End result--he wouldn't give me my money back. Honestly. Rather then fight and possibly kill someone over 35$ (wouldn't THAT be a good Dateline?) I just left. We peeled out of town and left Lovelock in our rear view mirror. I truly hope people do more then lock their love in Lovelock. I hope they lock their smelly, disgusting motels with their history museums and dead people under the bed. Lets leave all that stuff in Lovelock, shall we?

Since it was over 100 miles to the next town I stopped at the gas station and bought a six pack of Coke (I needed the sugar AND the caffeine to keep me awake), a dozen Krispy Kreme's and headed across the desert. The good news is that you can drive as fast as you want in the desert at night (I didn't even let those crosses on the side of the road marking where previous drivers had died bother me). The kids were covered in donut glaze and crumbs by the time we got to Winnemucca and crawled into the first motel (a Holiday Inn Express, very nice--good breakfast). The lady on the desk felt so bad for me she gave me the government rate without me even asking for it. I tell you, show up at a hotel in the middle of the night with sticky, crying children and looking like hell warmed over and it can really save you some money! :-)

We eventually got to sleep; but not before Jacob fell off the bed twice, the people in the next room watched Letterman so loud they could hear it in Lovelock and Lauren cracked her head on the dresser. I was looking forward to a long sleep and felt certain that the kids would sleep in. I gave up on that notion at exactly 5:47 am the next day. How do my children live on such little sleep? We ate the free breakfast and headed out the door again.........

Stay tuned for part 2 (AKA "Just because you leave at the crack of dawn does NOT mean that you will arrive at your destination early")

We are home!!!

Whew,

We spent 10 days in Utah. I drove the kids out by myself (an adventure...but not because of the kids). I met lots of blog friends and took TONS of pictures. Thanks to all who helped out. I am editing like crazy and should have them all up in the next few days.

In the grand tradition of having drama come to us in spades...here is a quick recap of the last week. We got stuck in a blizzard coming over Donner's (yes, in April) and rushed straight to the ER, where Lulu was diagnosed with pneumonia. We had a birth mother on deck that was planning on placing her baby with us, the baby was due today and she had it yesterday, at the last minute she decided to parent (such a familiar story now). This was one more "sure thing" (the birthmom was 12, birthdad 13..the state was going to take the baby away..at the last minute her step parents decided to take custody). That was sad. At least this time we found out she decided to parent BEFORE we flew out.

I will fill in the details in a few days--after the pneumonia goes away.

Soon, soon, soon.....

Happy Anniversary..

This is a big week in our family.

Lots of things happen to us in the first week of April (we got engaged, we closed on our house...) but there are two new very important dates for us this time. One is a big day for Jacob.....we finalized his adoption one year ago. That is the special anniversary of his legal day. He had already be ours for 6 months, but it was nice to have it all legal (I hate this picture of me...my gut......BUT, to be fair, I had just lost an almost second trimester pregnancy two days earlier...my body still thought it was pregnant....I am going to have to airbrush that......) . This is us with the judge that finalized the adoption. Jacob just wanted to rip his glasses off his face the whole time we were taking this picture.

The other date is special for our whole family. We were all sealed together as a family one year ago too. This is our new family anniversary that we will celebrate every year. It works because my daughter had the nerve to be born on our ACTUAL anniversary so that day is all about her birthday. It was pretty powerful to mark the new addition to our life by being sealed together. For those of you reading that that don't know what having a child sealed to you is...it is basically like another wedding ceremony but it is for the whole family, it is the religious ceremony that seals the new (adopted) child to your family. It was in the temple (our highest house of religious worship) and all our family and friends were there. Many of the same people that had been there when Derek and I were sealed (married). I remember looking at the faces of my two little kids and thinking how blessed we were to be their parents.

So Happy Anniversary to us. I told the kids that THEY were in charge of planning the party this year.....I hope they take us to a fancy dinner..................

I hate to say it....

but the show on VH1 called So NoTORIous is hi-freaking-larious. Really.

And I am not even embarassed to say it.

A few samples...

These are a few of the pictures

I have taken so far from people

who signed up for the fundraiser

photoshoots. I love shooting kids!

I did 4 sessions at the beach today

so I will have some good ones from that, too.

How much do I owe? Part II

The long awaited PART TWO....

At the end of part one I was pondering the question "how much do I owe?" I decided that it was time for me to be proactive about my feelings. I was directed to the charity called Stay Alive by my father (who helps them out). Boy howdy did they need help and I jumped right in. I even recruited a fellow blogger. I found out that at that exact time I was pondering what to do with myself, they had been praying (literally) for someone to magically appear who had the skill, or at least desire and willingness, to help them start fundraising in ernest. I can do that. I will be writing grants, soliciting funds from rich people and encouraging business to become a part of this program. Good times. I got lots of practice begging people for money as a teenager and all those years of waitressing. I knew it would come in handy (now if I can just make that useless History degree work for me).

A little bit more info on the Stay Alive program. We focus on children aged 8-10. That makes it unique. The other unique thing about Stay Alive is that we don't say "use a condom when you have sex" but we say "DON'T HAVE SEX". We actually explain how the immune system works, teach the children to possibilities that are out there and how great their life can be if they stay alive long enough. Many of these kids have lost either parents or family members to disease. They get it. They just don't know how to make things different. The program has a workbook that the students take home to their families who are required to do exercises with them and have discussion questions. The parents play a huge role in this program. In many cases the "parent" is the oldest living child. Some are only 12 or 13. This can help us understand why there are so many misconceptions out there. In the poor and/or rural parts of Africa surprisingly little is understood about the disease that is killing so many of them. There are still many misconceptions about how it is contracted and misconceptions about how it can be cured (that it CAN be cured is the biggest one). Parents who haven't been taught cannot teach their children. Children who are empowered with the right information at a time in their life when they aren't sexually active are able to make better choices. Studies have been done and statistics have been gathered. It is working. It is working as good as, or better then, any other HIV prevention program out there. Knowlege is power. We have all heard that, right? So very, very true. As a matter of fact, the results have been so good and Stay Alive is able to do this for such a small amount of money, governments are asking for us to bring the program to their country ASAP. All that is holding us back is the funding. We are working on getting UN funding and grants from our government, but politics are a long and complicated process. It will take years. These children don't have years. So, we fundraise.

I will be going to Africa in June to do some administration work. I will be involved in teaching new schools/health officials the program. We have a big convention planned in Nairobi. We will also be going to rural Kenya where the program has been the longest and taking some statistics (and pictures...I am also the unofficial photographer), then it is off to Mozambique where were will meet with the charity that helps us implement the program on the ground there. More training, more statistics gathering, more pictures. A few side trips to Uganda and Swaziland to meet w/ education officials to get the program started there. There is a lot to do in just a few weeks.

I am very excited and very scared. It is scary to spend time and money doing something new. It is scary to think about getting on a small plane in Africa (I HATE flying...). It is scary to decide to open my life and my emotions to an area of the world that has more sad stories then happy ones. I am afraid of shots and have to get about 8 million of them to go. It is scary meet and get to know and love people who will die, soon. I am terrified that I will come out of this with more more damage to my heart and soul then I have going into it. Mostly I am afraid that what I have to offer won't be right or won't be enough. One tiny drop in the bucket of such enormous need. Is there a point? Before I pull out the story about the kid walking along the beach throwing starfish back into the water (email me if you haven't heard this delightful Mormon talk filler......ahhh, Mormon urban legends) but it has a certain point. It makes a difference to someone. If nothing else, it makes a difference to me and to my kids to be a part of something bigger then ourselves. It is still scary.

P.S. As part of my fundraising effort, I sent the following letter to everyone I know. Take a read and see if you can think of anyone that might want to help out. I have enough appointments right now to reach half of my fundraising goal. That is very exciting.

Get family pictures, help a great cause...

Greetings blog world,

Have you been dying to get family photos taken but it is too expensive? Do I have a deal for you!! I have spent many years taking pictures of friends and family as a hobby and have enjoyed it very much. I am trying to reach a fund raising goal by offering to take family portraits for a small donation (25$) to a really wonderful and important cause. This way you can get some fun pictures of your family and make a big difference in the life of many children at the same time. Win-win.

This summer I will be traveling to East Africa with Stay Alive, a great non-profit that teaches abstinence and HIV prevention to 8-12 year olds (http://www.stayalive.org/). This program has proven to be highly effective in helping reduce the contact rate of HIV among young people. We are reaching the children at a critical age through the school systems and various youth programs. At just 25 cents per child for the cost of materials and training teachers, we have the opportunity to make an enormous difference in many lives for just a small amount of money. Stay Alive has been asked by several governments to come and teach this program to their school children. We have more requests then we can handle right now and hope to be able to accommodate all of them. This is why volunteers, like me, are going over to train new teachers, meet with new governments and distribute new materials.

This is a very "mom" driven volunteer program. Everyone involved, from the conception, to the writing of the curriculum, fund raising to administration has kids at home and donates their time and energy. We feel so blessed to be able to have this opportunity to make a positive change and especially grateful to our families that support us. This year I have a goal to raise enough money to teach 10,000 children by the time I leave for Africa. I know that between my friends and family and THEIR friends and family, there are enough people that will want family portraits to help me reach my goal. That is just 100 appointments. I really feel that this is an attainable goal. Come on blogworld...you can help me. I can do appointments in the Bay Area or Northern Utah. If you know of anyone that want pictures...this might be just the deal for them......

Here is how it will work. You can make an appointment with me and we will do the photo shoot. I will upload all your photos to KodakGallery so you can view them. You can order directly from there or use the CD that I will send you with all of your proofs. For an additional small fee, I can also do Photoshop touch ups and edits. It is preferable that the payments be made directly to me in cash or check and I will make the large lump donation. The reason for this is that the law states that a donation to a charity (you send the check directly to the charity) that is claimed for the tax deduction cannot be made in exchange for something else. Basically, if you want to deduct this, I can't offer you pictures. But, if you really want to make the check out to the charity and not me (which is fine), you need to either not plan on deducting it or you send the check to them and someday I just might bump into you and we just might take pictures, but it will out of the goodness of my heart, not for a donation. You decide what you are most comfortable with. Oh, and I will also take donations that require me to do absolutely no work! I will even let you give me more than $25! :-)

If you would like to see a portfolio please email me and I can send you the link. I am including everything from weddings to candids to give you a feel for my style and ability. I specialize in children, but have done pretty much everything. I don't claim to be the best photographer in the world, but I am $25 good, FOR SURE! Also, if you are able to recruit 4 appointments for me I will do yours for FREE. So forward this to anyone who might be interested in getting pictures taken. You just have to make sure the person mentions your name when they contact me.

I will be in Utah April 8-16 and will do as many appointments as I can then. I will also be out at the end of May for a week (dates TBD...depending on demand). In the Bay Area I can do it anytime. I will even go to the beach at Half Moon Bay, as long as I have at least three appointments there for the same day. I already have one appointment at the beach for April 1st...so hurry and book if you want beach shots.

If you are interested, please send me an email at rebeccakbingham@yahoo.com I can answer additional questions there. Also, feel free to check out the Stay Alive website (http://www.stayalive.org/stay_alive/) to learn more about what we are doing. It is pretty amazing.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Rebecca

Proud Mamma Moment...

There are many first's in a child's life. First steps, first word,

but nothing touched my heart quite as much as capturing THIS

first on film. My heart is practically bursting with pride right now.

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I call this one "Baby's First Diet Coke"

or, I just upgraded my ticket to FIRST CLASS bad parent jail.

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I am not sure which is worse, the fact that he drank it or the fact that I wasn't too bothered by it. Lauren could say "brown juice" by this age. In fact, the way we realized that she could drink out of a straw was when I found her squatting over my Baja Fresh cup (the same black and white checked cup that had mezmerized her as a baby...she had no chance, really). She was sucking up that "brown juice" as fast as her little cheeks would let her. To be fair, Jacob is much more obsessed with ice (not unlike his mamma) then he is with the soda. The soda is an added, sugar filled, caffeine loaded, sodium fortified bonus. Notice how he there is no hesitation or tentative sips..it is like Diet Coke shots for him. Once I left a cup of soda in reaching distance and he had that thing back so fast......it took a few seconds for him to realize that he covered in Diet Coke. His clothes, his hair, my couch...everywhere but his mouth. Poor novice. He will learn.

Before my mom has a heart attack, this was at Disneyland while the kids were running in the sprinklers. I don't regularly feed my child soda. Just at Disneyland, and the grocery store, in the car and occasionally in church........Breathe Mom. I am kidding.

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Or am I?

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Can't you almost see him thinking..."whaaaaa?"

"There must be more in here...there has to be....."

Welcome to my world, little addict!

The trauma of the green....

Am I the only mom that had NO IDEA it was St. Patrick's Day last Friday until about 10 minutes before school? Gulp. My mom and dad always did fun things on the holidays and I remember more then one green meal on St. Patrick's day. I decided to make a green dinner and start the tradition in our home. I have seen other blogs where the moms serve actual green food....broccoli, grapes, peas and the like. I just did it the lazy way and used food coloring.

Lauren fell asleep during the afternoon (my first clue) and didn't wake up until I had our dinner on the table. She came up to the table to see her green macaroni and cheese with peas, toast w/ green butter and of course, shamrock milk. There was even a note from O'Malley, the classroom leprechaun, telling her that he had sprinkled lucky leprechaun dust on her food. Cool mom, right? I ran upstairs to get the baby up (what can I say...he naps until 5:30....) and by the time I got downstairs she was quietly sobbing at the table. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong but kept crying. Her cheeks were bright red and she was clearly not well. I plopped Jacob in his high chair (but didn't do the straps....) and went to figure out what was wrong with Lulu. It seems that she didn't want to eat her green food because LAST time she ate green food, she threw up. She has eaten green food before? I may not be the most observant mom, but I am pretty sure that I haven't served green bread or cheese anytime recently, had I?

It turns out that Lauren had experience with green food. Last year, Derek and I went to NYC for a long weekend and Lulu stayed with my good friend Suzi. Suzi and Gordon have the cool parent thing down. Last year they made green waffles for the kids for dinner. Apparently, Lauren threw up all night. I tried to explain to Lauren that she threw up because she was sick, not because the waffles were green, but she wasn't buying it. She was not going to be eating that green meal (but she was mildly concerned that she would offend the leprechaun). Back to the drawing board. I went to the kitchen to make something new and realized that it was too quiet. I hadn't said "SIT DOWN JACOB" for at least 30 seconds.

Sure enough, the high chair was empty. This was not a surprise at all, because Houdini can escape from anything. More then once I have been driving down the road only to feel a small hand on my shoulder and "hiiiiii" in my ear. The boy can escape from his 5 point Britax carseat with the straps so tight they almost cut off circulation. A high chair is nothing. I have posted before about Cubby's propensity to hide in small spaces. Finding him usually involves some aggressive searching. An impromptu game of hide and seek wasn't exactly in my schedule. The good news is that it didn't take me long to find him. This is the perfect small space for him. He still feels like he is squished in somewhere AND he is in plain view. Oh, and the fact that he hadn't been fed before the great escape was no problem. By the time I found him, he was chewing on an old banana peel and some cold french fries FROM THE GARBAGE. Whatever, at least it was food.

The boy was returned to the high chair, tied down this time, and I gave HIM the green dinner. He wouldn't eat it either. This is a child that I have actually caught gnawing candy off the bottom of my shoe. This is the child that not 5 minutes before was foraging in the trash for tasty tidbits. Green macaroni was not edible to him?

Two very important lessons were learned on St. Paddy's Day at this year. The first, that we will never be having green food at our house again. The second is that toddlerhood has officially begun at our house. Excuse me while I hide all the remotes, the car keys, my wallet, the plunger...

Africa...

Part two is coming I promise....

I have been working on a project about African adoption and it has been keeping me up late every night and taking every spare minute of the day!! Part two is on its way.

In the meantime...if you want to read a few really amazing stories about the people who started the programs that I work with and why they did it, here are a few links. Very interesting and moving stuff.

Loosing Rogerio. This is the story of a young man in Africa that was supporting his family after his parents died of AIDS. He served a mission and helped the program start. He was the reason that the Packard's started the charity Care for Life.
http://www.meridianmagazine.com/exstories/040126losing.html

Some of the interesting things that Care for Life is doing. Plus the story of Linda Packard..a 6 year old adoptee from Mozambique--the first ever from the country. It is reading these kinds of articles that fuel the question...should I do more?

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/exstories/031106road.html

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/exstories/031212road.html

I'll be back in a few days.....
R

How much do I owe? Part 1

I wrote this a month ago.....so many things have happened since then, but that is the next post.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how good the world is to me and how lucky I am to have the life that I do. I didn't think that I would ever think that again. It was exactly one year ago that I got pregnant. That was the first event in a long series of events that would challenge my sanity, my testimony and my faith in humans. If you don't know what I am talking about, go to the first few entries, it is all in there. I still have my hard days (don't we all?) but I really didn't believe that I would get to a place where I could think that world was good again. I didn't think that I would ever have a day when the first sensation that greeted me every morning was something other then despair and grief. I have come a long way. I still have a long way to go, but at least now I know that I am on the right path. But, that is not the point.

Sometimes when bad things happen or our life gets really hard, it can be a window into other things. Yeah, yeah, I know that there is a proverb that says something to that effect. It feels like I just heard it for the very first time. I feel like I am suddenly aware of things that I didn't notice before. Like my eyes have been literally opened. Now I know why that phrase is used too. I feel like the cocoon of safety and obliviousness that I got to experience has been stripped away a little bit. In the grand scheme of things, what I have had this year is nothing compared to what others deal with. I know that and I don't pretend that it is better or worse then anyone else's life. But it's mine. So I can only talk for myself.

I am glad that I got to have those oblivious years. I can only liken it to how I relate to my body. I don't think about it until it is sick or something hurts. Then I think about it all the time. The absence of "thinking about it" is a wonderful thing. I had a great childhood, wonderful friends and family and a divine husband. I had a few ups and downs, but mostly I just got to enjoy my life and didn't have to think about it too much. I was kind of aware of how lucky I was, but didn't even think about that too much either. Now, I feel like I owe something to the cosmos to justify and acknowledge the good things in my life. Maybe I always felt this way deep down, but now I am more motivated to do something about it. Who knows?

I had a good talk with my dad about a month ago. He is a social activist and always has his fingers in lots of different things. Most of those things are important issues to him. They are issues that he feels so strongly about, he spends his time and energy working towards a resolution that is acceptable to him. He believes that he can make an impact on the world that he leaves for his kids and grandkids and he works very hard to support these numerous causes. One project that he is working on is called "Save Lives". In a nutshell , it is an educational system that was developed to teach young kids in Africa about HIV and abstinence . There have been studies done on this particular program and they have proven that the rates of HIV in young people in the areas where it is taught, dropped. It is actually saving lives in a very literal and tangible way.

In Zimbabwe, the president's wife has just asked that it be taught to every 10 year old in the country. Congress has praised it and it is growing each year. We are starting to get grants and funding and pretty soon this tiny organization will be so big we won't even recognize it! It costs 25 cents per child to implement this program. Less then the cost of the stamp to mail my utilities check. The amount of money that, at any given time, is in my couch, the bottom of my purse or the floor of my car. My dad was discussing the possibility of me helping raise funds for this program (by doing more then just cleaning out my purse or couch). The weird thing is...I kind of liked the idea. He caught me at the right time.


For the last month or so I have been feeling the desire to help out with something bigger then myself. We call make our impact in different ways and I was ready to find out how to make mine (beyond the relationships that I have and mothering my children, those are a given). I wanted a cause or platform to throw myself into. But, fundraising? Going to Africa? Is this really something that I can do? I have always been interested in Africa. I remember as a child watching the coverage of the Ethiopian famine on TV. That is actually the first time I thought to myself that I wanted to adopt. I was probably 8. I have always been interested in the different cultures and have many, many African friends. As the result of exhaustive research our family has decided that we are going to adopt our next child from Africa (probably Ethiopia) hopefully by this time next year (no, not because of Angelina Jolie...but if you really want to know the reasons, e mail me). Learning more about that country has lead me to do things like sponsor a child (Children of Ethiopia Educational Fund) and become involved in a few programs that offer micro-loans to women (The Gemini Trust). These are just a few of the many worthy programs out there, but this is just money. I am itching to do something more. Is this realistic? I have two small children at home, church callings and a fairly active social life, do I really want to complicate things? Do I have a choice?

And this brings me to the point of all this. What do I owe? Have you ever thought about this question? Has anyone else ever felt this way? And when I say "I", I really do just mean "I" and not "everyone". We are all different and I don't expect anyone's answer to this question to be the same. What do I, Rebecca, owe the world for being lucky enough to be who I am right now? Is this some sort of post traumatic stress disorder, or a savior complex? What is going on? Is it not enough to sit back and raise my children, be a good example and member of my community? I really do believe that parenting is such a big job that if we devoted every waking hour to it, we still wouldn't be doing enough. I also think that raising a family is a huge accomplishment. So, I am not diminishing the importance of the role I currently have or trying to suggest that it isn't enough. It isn't that I am looking for something else to fulfill my life. I have plenty of that. I am talking about a very real sense of obligation, or even compulsion, to do something more. Do I need to do more to make the world a better place for my kiddo's? I wish I had the answer to this question. I feel like it has come to the point where I need to swim or get out of the water. I need to take action and be proactive and do something. We all have different situations, some are married, some are single, some have kids, others don't, most of us have careers and very few are independently wealthy. We all have other times and places for our time a money to go. How did you decide what the right amount was, what the right timing was and what things to support?


I think a lot about things like "where much is given, much is expected" and "knowledge is power". I think about the words to my favorite hymn.

"Because I have been given much, I too must give;
Because of thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live.
I shall divide my gifts from thee, with every brother that I see
who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord.
I'll share thy love again, according to Thy word.
I shall give love to those in need;
I'll show that love by word and deed:
Thus shall my thanks be thanks in deed."

Churchy, churchy I know. But the words still make an important point. I feel they capture exactly how I feel. It is up to me to decide what I will "give" and that remains the big question. I love the phrase "divide my gifts from thee". Doesn't it feel like that sometimes? I am afraid that if I divide my gifts too many times there will only be a tiny sliver for everyone. How do I decide who gets what part?

Part of my motivation is that I worry about my kids. I worry about teaching my children about the real world. I once heard someone say "it is easier to raise a child poor then rich...many of the lessons we work to instill in our children (hard work, sacrifice, gratitude) are not optional when money is tight." Sounds kind of true, eh? Want to go to college? Work hard and get a scholarship or no dice (and we have a lesson in hard work). There isn't enough money to send all the kids to summer camp, so each year one child gets a turn (enter sacrifice). You get the idea. My little family lives in a very affluent area and they are exposed to things that are not really normal. We live in a world where people have drivers and limo's that take them to the airport, they socialize at "the club" and private schools and nannies are a given. Vacations are luxurious and "things" are plentiful. We live here because this is where our job is, but we love it here. We are not smack in the center of this lifestyle, but it is all around us every day. People are mostly the same ethnic, educational and financial bracket. Not a ton of diversity (except Jacob...my boy represents). I know that my children will have an education, a loving family, security and all the best that we can give them. How do I teach them to understand how lucky they are? Shouldn't I allow them to live in the cocoon of obliviousness that I enjoyed? Or is it better to expose them to the worst of it and let them make the comparison for themselves? I want to be a good example to them and show them that it is important to work for things besides ourselves...but my involvement in church and local community issues could do that.

Maybe I just need to face it that I am a wanderer. I like my soft bed, western medicine and Diet Coke as much as the next gal, but in my soul I think I could have been a Peace Corp volunteer or something like that. I am pretty sure that I could never get my husband on board at this point, but this could be my chance to fill that part of me. I did move to Russia all by myself when I was 18 to teach English. It sounded fun (duh) . It changed my life but I was too young and stupid to understand how it could have changed my life in a BAD way too.

Decisions, decisions....

If you aren't a Project Runway fan then you will not need to keep reading. I (like the rest of America) thought that Daniel would win and that if he didn't, Santino would. Hmmm. All season they punish Santino for being too thematic or artsy but let him stay on because he is good TV. Then, when he creates a collection that is beautiful and soft and thoughtful, they boot him because he is too SAFE? Come on Nina...stand up for the guy!

Chloe??? Really?

All of them did a good job and all deserved to win, but I still would have loved to see Daniel instead of Chole win. I did think that her pieces were the best in terms of color and construction. I also like that she could translate it into serious business opportunity. She knows that no matter how great the clothes are, if you don't know how to market them and keep your doors open, it is no use. Also, I loved her stuff all season. She is very nononsense. This was my favorite.

This outfit you will see at Bananna next season. Oh wait? Maybe we already saw it THIS season. This guy knows his market and he has such clean lines. I love that there is not much extra stuff on his things (besides that strange patch on the brown dress). It is timeless. All of his pieces could have been in several stores this season. Very impressive. This coat is my favorite.


This is the dress that Naomi Watts SHOULD have worn to the Oscars. I actually loved his stuff. I have a feeling we will be seeing Santino on Survior next and on Access Hollywood for the next few months. He is the new reality star we love to hate. Chloe markets her clothes. Santino marketed HIMSELF. Not bad.

A most unusual question...

Lauren's questions are getting better and better. It seems like just yesterday we were dealing with Worship Jamz and which princess was better. That is SO YESTERDAY! We have moved on to far more complex questions.

Today, Lauren came into the kitchen while I was doing the dishes and said "Mom, I have a very unusual question." I was prepared for her to ask "why are you doing the dishes before they smell really bad?" because, lets face it, that is what often gives me that extra push. Instead I got "how do mermaids and mermen go to the bathroom?" She has apparently been thinking about it for awhile because she had a few theory's. Her favorite was that the #1 and #2 get trapped in the tail and stay there till they empty it, but she was perplexed as to how they pull their tail down. Serious 5 year old stuff.

After a few minutes of stumbling around an answer, I told her I would look it up on the computer and tell her later. She has asked me 32 times if I have found the answer yet. I am not sure if I should make up something and risk the "you lied to me" conversation later or if I should just be honest and tell her the truth. That mermaids sit on the potty and mermen, stand up, but they often miss.

P.S. This is Ariel at the Disney Princess lunch a few year ago. Doesn't her costume look totally chintzy? Seriously Disney...make a better Ariel tail then I could buy at a craft store!! Sheesh.

My newest employee

"Mom, I'm your new upstairs maid"

I don't know if it is all the Cinderella we have been watching, but Lauren has become DETERMINED to be a servant in our house. She puts on her "working" clothes (a Juicy tube dress and kerchief? It must be Paris Hilton working clothes......) and asks me for jobs all day long. One day she begged to wash the car, the day I took these pictures she wanted to wash the cabinets and stairs. I forgot to remind her to wring out the wash cloth and as a result we had water sloshed all over the house. Now we just "clean" with baby wipes. The up side of this is that she really is doing a good job keeping her room clean and is getting pretty good with the man cub. She bosses him around better then I could. She is the best little Gestapo informant ever. "Mom, Jacob is eating garbage again" "Mom, JJ is drinking out of the toilet!" "MOM, Cubby is stuck in the fireplace and I can't get him out!". It's like I don't even have to be in the room anymore. Sweet.

Please don't tell me this is going to end. I didn't realize how much I NEEDED an upstairs maid until she showed up!!!

To all who come to this happy place....welcome!

Hello Blogworld!!

Did you notice that I was gone? We took another trip to Disneyland (yup, that is twice a year for the last two years....) because some family members were going and we wanted to see them.

My kids were shockingly good. Lauren is pretty much over the princess worship that has dominated the last few years and has moved on to being a dare devil. She rode ALL THE RIDES! 6 months ago she refused to go on Pirates of the Caribbean because it was too scary and this year she went on Matterhorn 12 times.

The person who had the most fun was Jacob. Here, see?

This picture was taken after Chip and Dale had the NERVE to come over and see us at the character breakfast. :-) Have you ever seen such terror in someone's eyes outside of an Al Jazera hostage video? Seriously, we may have traumatized him. We have similar pictures of the same face w/ many other characters. This one is my favorite. We are clearly sympathetic to his concerns.

Actually, he was dreamy. He just stayed snuggled in his stroller with his Lamby and his snacks. He sucked his thumb and slept. I wish he would do that at church!!!! He also spent a fair amount of time keeping up with his latest hobbies (the ones besides picking his nose that is ) "squeezing into small spaces" and "poking his head through things". Good times.

Lauren loved Minnie and was such a trooper. She figured out the whole pin trading thing and loved doing that. She also was able to go on more rides and really understand more of the shows. I only lost her twice and only cried once. That is doing pretty good for 4 days in Disneyland. She got to hang out with her Aunt Kate and do big kid things and that was the best part of all. She also got to boss around her cousin Sam and be spoiled by Aunt Cyndi and Aunt Kate. It was 5 year old heaven.

We also went whale watching. My poor child had NO IDEA what she was looking for. Much to the chagrin of the non English speaking Japanese tourists that were by us on the boat, every time a wave crashed on the rocks or the light sparkled on the water she could gasp and shout "look!! a whale". Poor Japanese tourists. Oh well, she had fun while she THOUGHT she was seeing whales so who cares. She got more out of it then the rest of us did.

We all had a ball and had plenty of Churro's. Enough to last us for at least another 6 months. More pictures tomorrow (for the grandparents).

Things that are better then flowers......

I want to start this out by saying that my husband is fabulous. He is really great at taking care of me and the kids. I don't want people to think that the topic of this post is a passive/aggressive way of complaining about him. He will do dishes, throw the kids in the tub, gets the diaper bag ready for church, take Lauren for bike rides and do the bedtime routine. All the things that help me get a break when I need it. He works really hard. He works in finance and drives to the city every day. He is on a daily call by 4:00 a.m. and doesn't get home until 6:00 or 7:00 pm. Because he works so early, bedtime is at 8:00' ish. When you only have one free hour at home and you spend it giving your wife a break, that is love. This has nothing to do with him.

Oh Valentines Day, you crazy holiday. We all know that it is a holiday that was made up by the greeting card industry. Who cares? I will always take an excuse to share the love (don't forget to vote....hint, hint). One of my dearest friends was lucky enough to have the last name of Valentine. How cool is that? When people would hear her name and say "Valentine?" she would answer "yes, like the holiday/saint/massacre" depending on her mood. Having a name like Valentine could create a little pressure for the significant other though. You CANNOT drop the ball when that is your wife's maiden name!! So far, he hasn't. Whew.

Speaking of dropping the ball (or not dropping the ball actually), the traditional Valentines gift is usually flowers (or those weird stuffed animal things that are holding hearts, does anyone older then 13 want one of those?), we all know that. In fact, I saw flowers for sale at Walmart yesterday. I know that we all appreciate flowers whenever we can get them, right? No argument there. I just thought it would be fun to make a list of all the things that would be better then (or I should say, as good as) flowers OR things that someone has done (Valentine's Day or not) that are the equivalent of "flowers for no reason".

Send me your list.....I will add them to this as I get them. Happy Valentines Day! (the person who contributed them is in brackets).


-- Some one to put away all the laundry.

-- The dollar equivalent of flowers at Baja Fresh.

--New jeans (and if they can shave off about 20 lbs, all the better).

--Someone to clean out all the Cherrio's and goo that is in the back seat of my car.

-- Those pesky last boxes to be finally unpacked and taken away.

-- Cheese. Any cheese.

--A sunny day at the beach.

-- A really good book and a bathtub........all the Dora bath toy's already removed.

--I big bowl of peanut satay

-- A pile of people magazines, and maybe a Vanity Fair and US Weekly thrown in.

-- A Costco churro. Or seven.

-- A Law and Order marathon

-- Peanuts and M&M's mixed together.

--a pre-packed diaper bag that has everything that I need

--a good soccer game, whether I'm playing or someone else is, it doesn't matter. It just has to be a good game (Kate)

--when my husband makes the bed in the morning...it just makes my day (~J~)

--Someone detailing the baby's high chair (Oh, Judy)

--Someone detailing my carSomeone organizing the storage room (with pretty labels and bins) (Oh, Judy)

--Someone writing me original poetry and/or music (Oh, Judy)

--Someone sending me out the door with a wad of cash to spend on something frivilous (Oh, Judy)

--Someone scraping the cottage cheese off the ceiling in my family room (Oh Judy)

--Two hours at a day spa. (More Caffine Please)

--Two hours asleep in my bed. At 2:00 in the afternoon. (More Caffine Please)

--A Diet Pepsi, bag of Twizzlers and the newspaper. (More Caffine Please)

--9:00 p.m. dinner reservations at Ichiban with my girlfriends. (More Caffine Please)

--A no-spending limit session at Target to buy a bunch of crap I don't need. (More Caffine Please)

--clean the toilet (Wendy Sue)

--decide what's for dinner (Wendy Sue)

--bring me pudding pops (Wendy Sue)

--I second Judy's wad of cash. (Wendy Sue)

--a bouquet of Reeses peanut butter cups (Wendy Sue)

--Giving me a gift certificate and making me spend it on MYSELF!! (Wendy Sue)

--accidentally getting your neighbors Elle magazine, and reading it before you give it back!

--My sister (aka..the live in slave) taking my girl out to dinner once a week for "girl time"

--A new book every time my husband comes home from a business trip. You know, the chic lit kind that they sell in airports.

--A new bathroom floor (mom)

--brushing the kids teeth every night

--taking the kiddo's to the dentist and appointments when they need shots because I just can't stand it

-- cleaning out the laundry room while I was away so I could move my quilting mess down there (Compulsive Writer)

--bringing me home leftover lettuce wraps from PF Changs (Compulsive Writer)

--brought my 5th grader a rose in the middle of class on Valentines Day (Compulsive Writer)

-a trip to Italy in the late summerwith just me and the hubby (Dandelion Mama)

--someone painting the baby's room anything but pink (Dandelion Mama)

--a pedicure, oh heaven...(Dandelion Mama)

--someone I trust unexpectedly taking my kids for the day, leaving me all ALONE... oh, joy! (Dandelion Mama)

--still, even though Im past thirty, the smell of a box of 64 new crayons. Happy....(Dandelion Mama)

--A box of cheese trumps a box of chocolate ANY day; why don't they make Godiva-like heart shaped boxes of specialty cheese?? (Dandelion Mama)

--the smell of night jasmine in Northern California; if you are there, go outside at night and take a deep breath, and know that I cry sometimes because I miss it so much. (Dandelion Mama)

..............more coming all the time...............

Share the Love....

As you can see from the little banner on the side, I have been nominated for a "Share the Love" blog award. Thank you to the person that nominated me! If you want to vote for me, I will post the link to the blog at the bottom of this entry and you can check it out. There are lots of other interesting blogs there too. Our very own "Oh Judy" has been nominated for Humor. I have been nominated for Learn Something New Every Day (no kidding) and Makes Me Want to Have Kids (huh? I thought that my story would have people running for the hills....well for adopting anyway) . I am suspiciously absent from the Happiest category. Hmmmm. I think that you can nominate a blog that you like until midnight tonight. :-)

It seems that there is a link to my blog from the nominee list so I am trying to come up with something really clever and witty to have the next blog entry be about. If people are going to visit and they haven't read the back posts, I don't want the amazing swan table to be the first thing they see!

I will have an excellent post up soon, I am sure......


Here is the nominee list. I think that the voting starts tomorrow!
http://onewomansworld.blogsome.com/2006/02/11/blog-awards-nominees/

For all you procrastinators...

Hello everybody,

I am going to put up a post really soon about Lulu, with funny stories and pictures and everything. I have been accused of having a Jacob-centric blog lately. It isn't that, it is just that currently we pretty much get only whining, crying and sassy talk from Lulu and that just doesn't make good blog fodder. It is MUCH more entertaining to take pictures of a human origami project.

Anyway, Valentines Day is creeping up on us and I know that a few of you are still out there looking for gifts for your special someone. I found something that just might fit the bill. I already tried to get Derek to buy it for me, but he said that he already has it covered. I just want to share the love. You don't have to thank me..............

Seriously. Who doesn't want a beautiful swan table? The description says that this was COMMISSIONED by someone that wanted to create the effect of "peace and serenity". Have these people ever SEEN swans? They are the ones that are always chasing my kids at the duck pond. Nothing says serenity to me more then a glass table top. Not only does this require that I keep all the mac and cheese covered fingers, markers and general children generated goo away from it, but I have to keep it clean UNDERNEATH? Isn't that the one place that it is socially acceptable to have food on the floor for more then a day? :-)

Don't forget the etching. That is a great detail, just in case you didn't get the whole "swan effect" the first time. All this can be yours for the low, low price of $3,000. That is right, 3 grand. :-)

An open letter...

Dear Bono and Mary J. Blige,

I know that you are both amazingly talented people that have sold more records and made more money then I can ever hope to see in my lifetime. I know that you, Bono, are busy saving the lives of African children and making the US forgive loans to small third world countries. Bravo. Mary, I don't exactly know what you do, but I do know that Elton John once gave you a white piano on the Rosie O Donnell show, so you must be doing something right.

I just want to address the TINY issue of the performance at the Grammy's last night. I am still trying to understand how two people who are such good singers and such seasoned performers can turn out a version of the song "One Love" that makes the O Town performance of "Liquid Dreams" at the Miss American pageant look like La Triviata. I am sure that it was supposed to be a match of two different "worlds"; like Eminem and Elton or Gwen Steffani and Moby or Gwen Steffani and Lil Kim. The difference is that theirs worked and yours SO SO SO didn't. I haven't been that uncomfortable at a musical performance since Jennifer Lopez tried to sing that Spanish song with Marc Anthony. It might be because they actually tried it out BEFORE they were on stage.

Bono, sure you were just trying to sing the song as it normally goes and get on with it. That I didn't object to. It was all the flat notes, not being in tempo w/ the music and the general off key performance that I objected to. I think that I saw The Edge wince, TWICE. There is just no excuse for that since you WROTE the song and also have been performing it for the last 20 years. Maybe that was the problem. You figured that you knew it so well there was no need to practice. You might try to justify it by saying "it is hard to hear the music when you are ont he stage" Well, the rest of the bands managed to do it and isn't what those little ear thingy's are for? Maybe it is like when I was a missionary and I had to give so many impromptu talks that I didn't think I needed to prepare. Then I got up on the stand once and totally blanked. That happens, sure, but I am not being paid 30 kajillion dollars for doing it. NO EXCUSE.

And Mary. Mary, Mary, Mary. I am a huge fan of all the scat and improv, gospel-y additional stuff you were trying to do, but again, NOT ON KEY, NOT IN RHYTHM and NOT GOOD. I get the distinct impression that you all didn't practice before this performance. If I didn't know better, I would say that Mary had never actually heard the song before. You had your heart into it though. You were just off in the corner w/ your capri's and Heidi braids just singing and scatting your little heart out. I wanted to like it, but you just gave me NOTHING to work with.

The most disturbing part is that I read a ton of reviews today and it seemed that everyone else LOVED it. Huh? Did any of them actually hear it? Was it so loud in the auditorium that no one could actually hear it and they just assumed that it was good? I don't understand. I guess this really doesn't deserve the attention that I am giving it, but it just makes me so mad. There are so many bands that are trying SO HARD to make it and it is unforgivable to me when such veterans turn out crap on the biggest night of music. It is kind of like giving the finger to your fans. I just wanted to get that out of my system. Now I can focus on more important things like WHAT THE HECK was Charlie doing on Lost last night and if Brittany is going to get arrested for driving down the road w/ her baby on her lap. You know what they say...they can take the girl out of the trailer park.......don't get me started, don't even get me started.

Oh, and Bono, most women don't like being touched on the tummy when they are pregnant. I am not sure how Gwen felt about you bending down and basically LICKING her stomach in front of the entire world. You might save African Children and raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, but you need to remember one word.....BOUNDARIES!

One Love,
R


I realize that in the grand scheme of things this topic is not very important, but it sure made me laugh and then cry. :-) Did anyone else see that last night? I only turned it on during the crapola and didn't watch the rest. How did Uncle James do? Are we HAPPY that Kelly Clarkson won for best female performance, and gasp, didn't thank American Idol? What about Mariah being shut out? Has anyone actually heard her album? Just checking.......I love the Grammy's for the great fashion choices that come out of it too...

My son, the contortionist

My son has an amazing talent, well two really, but I am only going to address one here. He can fit into the SMALLEST spaces and sit perfectly still. Fun, huh? He also will sit silent and still just long enough for me to think that he has somehow gotten out the door, out the gate and is on his way to Safeway. Unfortunately, that has happened more then once. I swear that I am a very attentive mother, but he is FAST and CUNNING. He actually ripped a hole in my screen door to escape once. We have 6 screen doors on the bottom floor and I really can't watch them all at the same time. Luckily, Lauren broke me in on all this stuff. Our old house was across the street from a Walgreens. We would walk over and get ice cream sometimes or play with the toys. The SECOND Lulu could get the door open she was off to Walgreens. Once I was sitting in my front room while she played on our back porch. I glanced out the window to see my 20 month old child running across the parking lot as fast as she could. She had wiggled under the fence to freedom. That was when the "30 second rule" was instituted in our home. More then 30 seconds of silence always meant trouble so I would call out "Lauren, what are you doing?". Even now she will just announce to me out of nowhere "I am ok mom!". Old habits die hard.

In the last 48 hours I have found my son in the following places:

1. Under my mother in law's sink--behind the boxes of detergent--with the door closed.

2. Behind my mother in law's big family room drapes.

3. Under MY sink, with the door closed

4. Under the wing chair in the kitchen. There is approximately 4 inches of space. I still don't know how he got in there.

5. Under my keyboard tray in the computer armoire, again with the door closed. There is so little space in there that I have to move the CPU just to get the door closed.

6. Between the back of the toilet and the wall. You know the little space between the floor and the tank. Perfect.

7. Under my bed. Again, 4 inches of space and in between all the dust bunnies and old clothes that I store under there.

8. In my chimney, sitting on the fake logs with the chain mail curtain thingy pulled shut, oh--he also had his little cow tricycle with him, on his lap.

9. In the refrigerator of the toy kitchen.

10. In the hall closet behind the shoe basket, with the door closed and the light off.

11. In Derek's closet. We have lots of boxes stored in his closet (the kind with the sliding doors). Jacob loves to wedge himself between the boxes and the door and pull the door closed. There is so little space that he has to turn his head sideways.

I am amazed that he can get into these places and has enough awareness to be still and quiet-- until he can't stand it any more and starts to laugh. I am also learning that he isn't afraid of the dark. It is clear that this is a fabulous game to him and he is winning. He has also figured out how to get out of his Britax 5 point harness car seat..arms AND legs. He has been escaping from his high chair since the age of 8 months old. I still can't figure out how he can get the doors closed. The very best part of all though is that he does it all with his Batman mask on. I know that at 16 months old he can't possibly understand what he is doing, can he?

The thing that makes me feel better is that I have a friend that has been through all this before. Oh Judy has a son that makes JJ look like Pollyanna. I can't remember all the things that he has done (there is another blog for you Judy--or did you already do that?) but I know that some of his greatest hits include; hacking at a newly painted wall with the claw side of the hammer and climbing up a pole onto the roof (at 2) both scaring and impressing the neighbor kids. I guess this is just par for the course with little ones. More Caffeine also has quite a list of things that her wee man does, so I know that this is nothing yet. Elpasorepresent's daughter seems to be right on track too. All too soon we will move from funny things to destructive things. As long as no one tells me this is a sign of some rare and terrible disease, I can live with it. If you wanna make me feel better you can tell me about your kids greatest hits.

P.S. The second talent that he has is that he can whistle. Honest to goodness whistling, both sucking in and blowing out. And he does it ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a dream..

Last week for school, Lauren brought home some interesting homework. In preparation for Black History Month, we were to talk to our children about Martin Luther King, Jr. It wasn't hard to guess where this topic was headed. This is another one of those times that as a parent, we have to teach our children, and try to explain, about the terrible things that people do to one another. LDS kids (and other children of Christian faiths) get a little bit of practice, because, lets face it..the scriptures are FULL of people doing bad things. The Christmas story alone is enough to send my Sunbeams quaking in their loafers and patent leather Mary Jane's.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.

Ouch. It is amazing to me that my mom was a teenager when this speech was given and how right he was. Not drinking from the same fountain? Not going to the same schools? Not eating in the same restaurants? Can you even IMAGINE that? I have felt tiny little licks of prejudice as a mother by people who don't like children or choose to understand the difficulties that come with taking a child on a plane or to a restaurant. But, I have a group of people to back me up and say that I am right and valid. Did the people who were involved in the Civil Rights movement have ANYONE that told them that what society said wasn't true? I am thinking not. For the past several hundreds years, society told these folks in every possible way that they were NOT equal. They were NOT to mix. What kind of bravery and courage did it take to decide that it was time the world realized that was just not true? I get huffy when I have to confront someone about my children, I can't imagine doing what they did. I would like to believe that I would have been one of the ones who would have stood up but I am not sure what I would have done.

Black history has taken a new meaning in our house for obvious reasons, but also because Lauren is in school now and is being taught things that it never occurred to me to explain to her. In our family, we had already had a few discussions in this vein.

"Mom, were there black pilgrims?"

"No, the pilgrims were all white".

"Why?"

"Because they came from a place called Europe, and all the people there were white".

"Then how did black people get here?"

"They came on a different kind of boat sweetie".

GULP.

Does my 5 year old need to understand the complexities of the slave trade? Right now, no. Is it important that she understand how and why black people came here. Absolutely........when she is 6 or 8 or 12 or whenever we feel like she can have a discussion about it. I have bought a few children's books about slavery and we will crack them out when the time comes. They even come with discussion questions in the back. Bless those authors!

The combination of February (all the lovey dovey stuff in the air) and the fact that I am an insomniac and tend to get pretty cheesy when I am up late has gotten me thinking. As I get older and pass in and out of various stages in my life I am increasingly grateful for those that have come before me. It is finally sinking in that our entire generation is the recipient of many, many privileges that the people who came before us had to work very hard to achieve. I am so grateful to be a woman, in this country and in this decade. I am grateful for the women who stood up so that I could vote and own property. I am grateful for the women who insisted on attending university, law school and medical school when it wasn't an acceptable thing. I am grateful for them and for the people who hired them; they paved the way to give me so many options when deciding what I wanted to do with myself. I am grateful for all the women who worked so hard to ensure that women could be treated equally in the workplace, that we could have things like maternity leave and company daycare. I am also grateful for all the women who stayed home and raised their children and showed me and the rest of the world that educated, capable and intelligent women really DO have a choice and that choice is not always the workplace. I am thankful for the doctors that took the time and the companies that took the money to research cancer and it's treatments. I am grateful for the people who took experimental drugs that allowed us to figure out how this disease works. It is one of these drugs that is saving the life of my mother-in-law right now. I have realized that I am actually living the end result of what most of these early crusaders hoped that their actions would lead to. We all are.

In honor of Black History month, I am also thankful for the people that decided 40 years ago that enough was enough. That they decided to "cash the check" that America wrote them when they emancipated the slaves that told them they were entitled to the same rights and liberties. The direct impact it had in my life was that I was able to grow up and know that it didn't matter if my kids were black, white or green. When it came time to decide how my husband and I would create our family we didn't have to worry if we would be ostracized by our family for adopting our son or worry that our life or his life would be endangered. What a gift.

"I have a dream that one day...little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. "

When I was telling Lauren about how brown people couldn't sit at the front of the bus or go to school with white kids or eat at the same restaurants she was having a hard time believing it. "just because their skin is different, mom? That is it?" How amazing that the thought of these things are viewed as so outlandish today that even a 5 year old is incredulous. She followed up with "does that mean white people couldn't adopt brown people?" When I told her yes, that was true too, she got really teary eyed. She walked over to Jacob and kissed his head and said "that is just not fair! What would we do without our Jacob?" That is the literal fulfillment of Dr. King's vision. Not only do they walk together as brothers and sisters, but the fight together, tease each other and cause trouble together as brothers and sisters too.

I know that the world is not perfect, that there are still many forms of racism today. I know that even though the message MLK preached was a worthy one, the man himself struggled with his own demons. I know all this, but I still believe that the world is a better place today then it was. I still believe that my children are benefiting from all the people that came before them and saw a need for change and weren't afraid to stand up and do it. I hope that I am able to teach them to be those kinds of people too. I hope that if I see an opportunity to do the same, I will not be afraid to stand up and lend my time and energy to a cause that I believe in. Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I still really do believe that one person can make a difference. I believe that the world in 40 years will be a better place for my grandkids then it is today. I have faith in human beings and their ability to do the right thing. History is full of times when humankind has back stepped a little bit. My own life is full of time when individuals have made me question if humans really are much better then animals. As far as the big picture goes, I am still a believer.

So, thank you to all that came before, and thank you to all that are trying right now to make a difference in this world. I may not agree with what you are fighting for, but I think that as long as our world has people in it that care enough to fight for something, we will end up leaving this place better then we found it. Today, that is an encouraging thought.