Monday, November 07, 2005

Thank you for the music....

That title has nothing to do with this post--I am just obsessed with ABBA. My child has caught the obsession and now we must listen to it ALL DAY EVERY DAY, unless of course we are listening to Annie. I digress...

This is just a quick post to say thank you. I have a long list of people to thank lately. Many of them I have a "face to face" relationship and some I have become acquainted with on a blog/chat forum basis. Either way, I appreciate all of you for the times you have made me laugh and for the support you have shown. I should especially thank the ones that have to talk to me on the phone and listen to me try and figure my silly life out. I know it is tedious and I know you must use patience, but stick with me because I am slowly, slowly feeling like myself. I have been given encouragement, support and even food by people who have no obligation to make sure that I am ok. It has really helped.

This weekend one of my best friends in the whole world came to visit me. We mostly sat around and ate (French food--yummy), drank Diet Coke, played with our babies (her 7 month old is bigger then my 13 month old.......but only because my little cub is tiny) and talked. I realized that it felt a little bit like being my old self. It made me realize that even though it is tiny baby steps ("baby steps doc, I am doin' the work"....name the movie?), I am moving away from the trauma of the last 6 months and getting some perspective and distance that only time can give. Whew. Finally. My other best friend S has made me appear in public at places like baby showers, church and other fun things. Many times I don't go, but sometimes I do and when I do I am always glad. She has saved me too. She listens to me, encourages me in disciplining my increasingly disobedient 5 year old and pretty much makes sure that I am ok every day. She does this every day.

This week is kind of brutal. My husband is gone so I have the "my children are making me crazy" factor. Today is Grandma Thora's birthday (she is the one that died in August, my daughter and I were both very close to her). Mine is next week and we always celebrated it together. I miss her. A lot. Tomorrow is the day that I would have been due had I not lost the pregnancy. I thought that by this time I would have two babies in my life with my big new house with the matching big mortgage payment. To be in the house (and a slave to the mortgage) and not have any babies kind of sucks. Another good friend who got pregnant the same time I did just had her baby. I feel like it is passing a milestone. I can put that part in the past now too. I know that it will all be ok because I can tell that I am doing better now then I was one month ago. I still have a long way to go and a lot of things to sort out, but it will happen. All in good time. I know that the right children will find me, no matter how they get here.

So thanks to all the faces out there that have helped make this better. I needed you and I hope that you know it is appreciated. I have learned more about service and compassion then I ever thought I would. I have a new respect for many of the people in my life and I will offer service in a different way now then I would have before. Live and learn, huh?

On a lighter note-the kids were awesome for Halloween. Lauren decided to be a leopard the actual night of Halloween (despite having an Annie costume all ready). She looked really cute. She just wanted to hand out candy so we didn't have too many doors. Jacob was the worlds cutest Yoda. He is so small and walks so fast that from behind, he kind of looked like the real Yoda. It was a little disconcerting, but sweet. My sister in law got married a few weeks ago and the whole family got to dress up. We might actually have a Christmas card picture this year!! It has been nice to have some fun family events. We have taken the Halloween decorations down and the Christmas ones are up. The Binghams have officially opened the holiday season at our home.

Cheers.


10 comments:

Stephen said...

Bless your heart. Grief is really hard, always, because love is so strong.

wendysue said...

Bek, I'm so happy things are looking up. I had one of those "stuck in the mud" moments a few years ago this time of year, it's still hard, but somehow (thanks to good family and friends) I got my boots out of the nasty mud so I could keep walking. So, happy holidays to you, love the pictures of the kiddos (Jacob looks way too big in that little tie, I love the pics of 'Annie' and the yoda ears are priceless!) I'm sending much love your way over the next week!! Wendy

wendysue said...

Oh, I forgot to name one of my favorite movies. . .
"Good morning Gill, I said GOOD MORNING GILL!!"
"I'm SAILING!!!"
"MMMMMMMM. . . is this corn hand shucked???"

Love it.

compulsive writer said...

"What About Bob?" One of my favorites.

You know, reading your post, I remember something my Dad used to tell me when I was a kid (he died of cancer at age 44--my first experience learning that the grief is only worth going through because of the love). When we were feeling down about something he'd always say, "The sun will come out tomorrow." Not being familiar with "Annie" at that tender age, I thought the saying was kind of silly, till I grew up and had some of those days when you really rather it would just all be over and done with. But I guess knowing that tomorrow is always another day does help encourage you keep on taking those baby steps.

Blessings to you and yours...

~j. said...

What a wonderful weekend you two must have had. I'm so glad things are looking up for you. The holiday roller-coaster always helps. You know what wouldn't help? Death therapy. ("I'll be quiet." "I'll be peace.")

Bek said...

No matter how you look at it "What about Bob" is a movie that transcends time. It will be the "Casablanca" or "Wonderful Life" for our generation....

Suzie Petunia said...

HOLY COW! Your kids are beautiful!

I have loved getting to know you through your blog. Your struggles in helping your children make it to your family have shed so much light and perspective on my own life. I really can't comprehend what it has been like for you, but I am so happy to hear you are starting to feel better.

It's funny... My husband and I watched What About Bob a few nights ago because there was nothing good on tv. It had been years, and I kept marveling at the dozens of quotable quotes from the movie. I kept saying, "I say that ALL the time! I had forgotten it was from this movie!" Some people reading this may not understand what I'm talking about, but that's because "...there are two kinds of people in this world: those who LIKE Neil Diamond and those who don't."

janemk said...

Help! am I finally a blogger commentator?

Bek said...

MOM? Is that you? Are you actually commenting?

YIPPPEEEE. It is kind of embarassing that none of my family memebers ever comment, even though they all READ them.

How are you? You need a blog.....

R

lisa v. clark said...

I second that. I'd read that blog!

Thanks to YOU, Bek, for a weekend away from my house, my routine, the phone. . . it's amazing what a couple days of talking and eating A LOT of cheese can do for your soul. It gave me some much needed perspective. (Topher too, he he)

Now when can we do that again without the cute kids. . .