Saturday, December 31, 2005

I always knew Tom Cruise and I had a date with destiny.....

This morning I was reading a post by my friend, The Jolly Porter. He talked about a website that will scan a picture of your face and tell you what celebrity you look like. This sounded like it would be LOTS of fun. Normally, I don't follow up on this stuff, but my husband took the kids on a long bike ride so I had the house to myself for a few hours. Of course, I had to do it! This was way more important then laundry or dishes. I scanned a fairly recent picture. I still had a puffy face from pregnancy weight, so I was prepared for the worst. The first name that came up was Guillermo Coria (60%). A guy. Does this count? I am not sure that I know who this is but he plays tennis. He kind of looks like Mark Wahlburg to me. The next person on the list was Juliet Binoche (55%). I was pretty happy with this because I looked like her glamour shot. It kind of goes downhill from there.

Next was Katie Holmes. That was kind of cool. It was a 52% match. The matching database had about 20 pictures of Katie. It was pretty interesting to see which one it thought that I resembled most.

It wasn't sexy Katie...

or fresh faced "Dawson's Creek" Katie...

nope, not "Angelina Jolie" Katie...

heck, it wasn't even "Brittney Spears" Katie...

Yes folks, apparently I look like "who needs individuality? I'll just get date an older man, get knocked up, have a silent child birth and join a cult" Katie. In this picture she looks just as glassy eyed as her crazy (and I have been saying this since 1989) boyfriend/cult leader. I am just glad that he proved me right over the summer. This is the same look I saw on a deer that I once hit with my car, seconds before its life ended. I feel creepy. That isn't very promising...

Not to be turned back--I kept scrolling to see who else I looked like. There was a tie for a 51 % match. JK Rawling. Ok, I will take it! She does look a little bit English and I suspect that there are some English teeth behind that smile. It is flattering to look like the richest woman in the UK and the only person to have a book on the NY Times Best Seller list for WEEKS before it was even published--not to mention the woman who may have single handedly gotten 10 years olds excited about reading again. Wicked.

WHAAAAAAAA? The tie for third place is Nicole Kidman? ANOTHER ONE OF TOM CRUISES WIVES? Ewwww, yuck, gag. What is this trying to say? I am offended at this. Again, I got "pre-nose job, I just met my husband and haven't gotten the Hollywood cynicism and polished looks" Nicole. This is "Days or Thunder" Nicole. The one that Crazy Tom fell in love with. Again, ewwwwww.

I am not a match to "Alicia Silverstone" Nicole...

or "Liz Phair" Nicole....

or even "Daryl Hannah" Nicole.


At least I didn't get matched with "too much botox/skull cap" Nicole, or...

"Orange- poodle- curls- and- you- probably- didn't- need-to- double- the- collagen- injections" Nicole.


Next came Andie McDowell. If I have to look 48% like any talentless, monotone, model turned actress with the most annoying accent EVER, I am glad it is this gal. I am especially glad that this is the picture I matched

and not this one,

this one,

or this one. (how did I miss a movie with Ms. McD as a nun?)

At the risk of this post taking too much space. I will just show you the pictures of the others that came just a few percentage points behind.

47%

46% (I KID YOU NOT), how can they be so close of the scale? This lady is scary!!

Finally, my last match is to Miss Joni Mitchell.

I think it is the nostrils. I actually think that it is because I have a pointy chin and most of these people do too. I hope it isn't the noses, because that is not a pretty bunch, collectively. Derek suggested that I try a picture of myself when I was really skinny, just to see if I got different matches. I did. The first picture that came up AND had the highest percentage match (almost 75%) is this fine lady..........

I have just seen a glimpse into my future and it scared me a little. I will stick with the Mrs. Cruise's.......

25 comments:

Bek said...

By the way...I scanned my friend Suzi's face in and she got matched with (in this order): some tennis player, Marion Jones, Condeleeza Rice, Martina Hingis, Jim Carrey, Ronald Regan and Drew Barrymore. So, my tiny white friend resembles tennis players, black women, older men and Drew Barrymore--that is the only one that actually has some weight. Silly.

I scanned her husband and got TOM CRUISE!!!!!!! Ewwwwwww.

more caffeine, please said...

I'm so glad to find another Tom hater. He's the worst.
And he uses the word "glib" far too often. I (ooooh I'm evil) hope the Mrs. gets post partum and he'll think glib after she bawls for 6 months straight. :-)

Bek said...

Do you think that she would even DARE to let him know about the PPD? I have had a theory for awhile that he is a glassy eyed freak and there is crazy lurking behind those eyes. I was mocked for YEARS!!!! :-)

How was the bowl game? Did you take the little man?

R

~j. said...

Down, down with Tom Cruise! I love watching The Soup when they play the "Much Love" quote and always, always ask Katie a question so that they can play her answer: "Sure."

(*If you don't know what I'm talking about, then the previous paragraph was not in the least bit amusing, and you should ti-vo The Soup to get what I'm talking about.)

I wanted to scream with anger and frustration this past summer about what a complete renob he is. Honestly. The nerve.

And I have devoted too much of my life to Tom Cruise, right here on this blog.

Rebecca, what a fun post! I tried to submit a photo but my computer has an error each time and doesn't allow me to retrieve my results. *sigh* I am curious, however, if that site is sponsored by tennis players.

Bek said...

It is funny that you say that because I have YET to meet someone that wasn't matched with a tennis player. You are so FUNNY!!!

AzĂșcar said...

Me, I wasn't. Post to follow.

lisa v. clark said...

Topher believes that Tom is shape-shifter. You know, an alien not unlike the lizard people in the 80's tv sensation "V." (If you don't know what I"m talking about, Netflix the series. The episode where Robin gives birth to the twins is worth your money, BELIEVE ME!) So of course he's creepy. . .

Lyle said...

I think your results were more favorable than what Chris ended up with.

cyndi k. wren said...

What's the website?

wendysue said...

Bek, so funny. I checked out the website with our family picture and my sweet little Whitney ended up matching some old nasty guy. I think it's all about the positioning of your face, etc. I have the post the picture, it was so funny. Matt had some pretty good matches too, I think one was Nicole Kidman. . . wierd!! She's everywhere!

Kate said...

Cyndi, the link is here:

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php?s=1&u=g0&lang=EN

Its pretty funny. I got Katherine Hepburn and Kate Winslet. I guess it's the name. I also got Drew Barrymore (as a five year old) and Clark Gable...

Hmmm

cyndi k. wren said...

I just did us and Jay ended up with Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, John Ashcroft and Mother Theresa! I got Katie Holmes, Lucy Liu, Shirly Temple and Hillary Clinton, and my sweet faced little boy got Johnny Depp (the picture in his Jack Sparrow get up) and the snarly picture of Muhammed Ali. I may just waste my entire afternoon scanning in everyone I know!

Bek said...

It is a deadly game. At least I didn't match any Nazi composers or mass murderers!!!!

Emily said...

I was also inspired by Christopher's blog to write about it...but I couldn't figure out how to drag the pictures to anywhere where I could link to them. Any tips?

Also, we must look alike, because I also got some Juliette Binoches, Katie Holmeses and Andie McDowells. Very interesting!

Tablogger said...

I can't believe you think Andie McDowell has no talent. Haven't you seen Groundhog Day?!

~j. said...

Thank you, Bek, for sending my results to me (since my dinosaur of a computer won't allow me to view my results). Just so you know...they won't hold your results for too long. I just went back to remind myself who I looked like and the photo has been deleted from their files.

MAK said...

Apparently i'm a dead ringer for John Belushi. I think I will go kill myself now...

Although Zhan Ziyi was my 3rd match, and she's pretty (and skinny and female).

BTW the company producing the site is based in Israel, so maybe tennis is really hot there (and that would explian the obscure world leaders that I keep getting matched up with...)

MAK said...

Oh- I did Dave and guess what - no Matthew Broderick (my husband gets told he looks like ferris buler all the time...)

Funny thing is, he matched Brad Pitt- not just any old picture of Brad Pitt, but long blond hair, legends of the fall Brad Pitt... Hmmm...

Bek said...

Tablogger (I know who you are!!!) I guess I should ammend that and not say that she is talentless. She is an aquired taste.....for people who like monotone, model/actresses who have really annoying accents. :-)

Her best work is the hair coloring commercials. Why? Because we don't EXPECT her to be good. Also, I way the pinnacle of her acting talent is Green Card!!!!

I am pretty sure you were being sarcastic....but we never know....

Rachel said...

i love who your "skinny you" look-alike. it would make me want to stay cushy forever! i think i'm a little too scared to try mine...

nie nie said...

dear bek.

who do you call 'cubby'??

Bek said...

Hi nie nie,

We call my son Jacob Cubby (kind of like your nick name....jaCUB = CUBby). I am really trying to break the habit of calling him my little monkey (see posts below). Altough, he still insists on climbing every thing and can pick things up with his toes.......

Of course the nick names that still get used in our house include..mancub, J.J., Webby, crabapple and occasionally Mr. Cranky Pants. Poor child.

BTW....have you seem my posts elsewhere saying how much I love your blog? :-) I do!

nie nie said...

dear bek,
the nickname cubby ROCKS! my family STILL calls me that. once my dad was giving me a back to school blessing and referred me to cubby. i suposse the Lord knows who i am.
i am so glad you like my blog. i died laughing at your face blog! still laughing!

compulsive writer said...

Loved your post. And you nailed the celebs looking like celebs!

I don't really want to play the game, because they'll probably pair me up with Rosie O'Donnell (or worse--John Belushi). But in my younger (pre pregnancy) days someone once thought I looked like Reba McEntire, only with brown hair. In my husband's younger days he was told he looked like Mel Gibson. I've always thought he looked more like Mark Harmon myself. I'm just going to hang on those memories...

Bek said...

Compulsive...don't ruin the dream. Unless you want to know what Bulgarian tennis player you look like.....

R