Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Have mercy........

No one told me that having a two year old boy would be so hard or that they could be SO destructive. If he makes it to age three, we will all be lucky. I spend half my waking time trying to KEEP HIM ALIVE. He is like (as my friend Suzi puts it) a truffle pig, but for danger. He can enter a room and immediately find the most dangerous thing. I spend the rest of the time trying trying to keep my cool. I count to 10 a lot these days, 20 actually. I leave the room to take minute to calm down a lot. Sadly, when I leave the room is when the REALLY good stuff happens.

Remember when I told the story about how Lauren was so sad that Jacob had big eyelashes and I said he would need them one day to get him out of trouble? That day has come......and gone.

Which story do you want first?

The one where we flew out to Utah on the tiny plane (two seats on each aisle) and there were only extra oxygen masks on one side, meaning that Derek had to hold the baby while sitting next to Jacob AND we forgot the carseat? Highlights include Jacob coloring on the wall of the plane with crayon, ME being confronted about it by two angry stewardesses (and I am a few aisles away...), Jacob throwing the mother of all tantrums on descent and me finding out that at the tender age of two he is now stronger than I am and Derek going berserker on the stewardess ....... That is just the highlights, there is more...

Or, the one where I left the room for 5 minutes and Jacob managed to find a tube of Desitin and cover himself, two lazy boys chairs, my mom's NEW couch, the Christmas tree, the DVD player AND the baby in it. And by the way, it DOESN'T come out. Ever.

I know, I can tell the one about where I put him down for a nap at Oh Judy's and he got out of the crib, found some Christmas presents, unwrapped and OPENED them and played happily until I found him...

Why did I think that coming out here for 10 days was a good idea? How can I keep him from destroying this house? It has been suggested that I tether him to something heavy. That might work, but he is freakishly strong and we might just end up giving him a giant, heavy weapon instead of an anchor. Lately he is really hard at home and I have really been struggling with him. The thing is that he isn't trying to be bad, he is just curious. At home we have a room that is totally empty and he can't really destroy anything in there and can't get hurt. That is how I make it through the day. I have a crib tent for him in his bed because I need to have one place for him where I know he is safe. His room is on the second floor and there are sliding doors that go out to a balcony. He knows how to unlock the doors. Last week he was so fed up with the tent, he chewed a hole in it and stuck his hand through the hole and unzipped it. So, now we tie up the hold and pin the zipper down. It is just a matter of time before he figures that one out too. He is very mechanical. He can take a part pens (all the way down to the springs) and flashlights (did you know a flashlight could be broken down into about 25 pieces?) and radios. He figured out how to take the lid off the baby Tylenol at about 18 months. He took the childproof cap off the children's vitamins last week (that whole push and twist thing is nothing for him......).

What am I supposed to do with this child that is both stronger and smarter that I am? What keeps me going is that Oh Judy's son was very similar (her stories are WAY better than mine, so far...) and he is now the happiest and easiest child. I just have to hang in there for a few more years..........

Mercy.

26 comments:

Julie P said...

Seriously. Seriously. LAUGHING SO HARD. Because today we had to shave Jake's head (to the scalp) after a run in with an entire thing of vaseline. Would getting our Jacob's together be the worst idea ever?

Bek said...

Well, we called the plane incident the Perfect Storm of Evil...sadly, getting our two JJ's would be wild...... but a worth experiment...

Amanda/Mayhem Mama said...

Oh, that is SO funny! I hear you, though-- I know how frustrating it can be.

My son got into a tube of Desitin too, and you're right, it does NOT come out! There are stains on the furniture and carpet from that Desitin to this day.

Traveling with little ones can be so hard because everything is different, everything is disrupted, and it seems the kids can be at their worst just when you most need them to be at their best. And it's hard to be consistent with discipline when you're at someone else's house too.

Last summer when we visited family I could tell that the boys were annoying my brother a little, and that was hard. Somehow I feel like a worse parent when my kids don't behave around family than when they don't behave around strangers.

Cubby definitely sounds like a clever, sweet boy. Hang in there!

tracy m said...

Oh Mercy. Oh Mercy... I am soooo not laughing... because I KNOW how you feel. I am sorry!!!

Hang in there for Christmas- there is a reason we are not in CA for Christmas- and mostly it was the idea of a plane trip with three kids...

Oh, man.

Suzie Petunia said...

Remember how angelic our boys were when they played together? I don't believe a word you are saying.

Ok, but really I am amazed at how smart, curious and clever your little boy is! It must be so frustrating, and really I am sorry. Just remember he is destined for greatness. I'm really going to email you some adorable pictures of him now to remind you how sweet he really is.

Leisha said...

I don't know you (I clicked over from C Jane's blog), but I wanted to thank you for actually making me laugh out loud at the computer screen (it was the chewing the hole in the crib tent that did it). I have a Jacob just like yours (coincidentally also adopted) and have similar stories to tell (including the Desitin). If I had the solutions I'd give them to you, but more than anything you made me feel better knowing someone shares the same plight. My son is now 5 and things are calmer, but it's still a joyful challenge to keep my cool on a daily basis. Hang in there kid! Thanks for making my night!

~j. said...

Balmex.

You're welcomed to come over to my house and he can bounce off the walls in the room that is now The Last Resort.

Of course, there's no door to that room...

Bek said...

Leisha... thanks for giving me hope. Please tell me more stories and lets compare notes...shall we?

Jen!! No door? How did it go? Did I send that e mail? I wrote it for a long time but sometimes I forget to send them and just save them thinking I will "work on it later". :-)

Tell!!!

Haley said...

Let's start a "mothers of two year old rocket scientists club" because my 2 year old is WAY smarter than me... and I don't know how to deal with that fact. Oh Judy told me about the unwrapping xmas present story and she laughed and laughed. We really have all been in your shoes (and still are)... It's true, the eyelashes thing.. so true.

Emily said...

Oh, man, I'm sorry. I hope he sleeps as hard as he plays.

I want to hear more details about the plane trip.

Syd said...

Oh Bek, I feel for ya honey!! What a little smartie. That's crazy. Mady did the balmex, but only in her hair and on a mirror. Yeah, her hair looked grey for a while - lol!! I hope that you make it through the holidays. I know how hard that is to spend it in someone elses home. We spent a month two years ago in Utah. We split it up between two houses, but it was rough. Dave's mom's house is sooooooo not kid proof it makes it hard. Wish I had some answers for ya, but I've just got a jolly 'hang in there'!!

Hugs and Happy Holidays.
Love Syd

AzĂșcar said...

I want to hear everything about Derek losing it with the stewardesses. They usually deserve it, so I can't wait.

Boys! They're awesome! And I'm having another one...
I am SO lucky to be married to a master of strategic thought. J is much better than I am at thinking up creative solutions to thwart El Guille's attempts to wreck havoc.

Bek said...

I have hope. You other mom's of boys.... I am so glad that you have been down this road before me and it doesn't mean I have a future criminal on my hands....

Queen Scarlett said...

...nothing but WOW - WOW - HOLY COW. That boy better get you a freakin' medal when he grows up. I swear the reason why kids come cute - is so we won't destroy them. ;-) It's always the cute ones isn't it... hoping you survive... WOW! ;-)

La Yen said...

That's why I don't read to the Jooj--I am keeping her ignorant of new ideas by which to thwart me.

Betina said...

If Desidin is anything like Vicks Vapour rub it will come out with that orange gritty stuff mechanics use to wash the grease off their hands.

Poor Jacob. He needs an engineering school for toddlers or something.

Betina said...

"Permatex Fast Orange Hand Cleaner" original citrus formula with glycerin.

Carrotjello said...

My 2 1/2 year old knows how to use an electric drill with a screwdriver attachment. We found him unscrewing the hinges on our basement door the other day. He already had 3 screws out. Luckily, he isn't tall enough to reach the top 3 screws, or we'd have a falling door incident.

Bek said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! That sounds like Oh Judy's son. He took off all the handles and knobs on her kitchen cupboards/drawers when he was three WITHOUT the drill.

:-)

Lyle said...

Ya know, this is not the first traveling with kids horror story. I hope you are keeping a journal so that in twenty years you can write a book about it. I smell New York Best seller's list.

Mandy said...

You just brought back a whole lot of memories and reminded me why I am enjoying having my little girl sooooooo much!! Dakota was a handful, a smart handful just like Cubby. Asha is so different, easier, than Dakota was. I think it's just that girls want to play and boys want to explore. Exploring is what gets them in trouble. I did ALOT of the counting to 10, 20, sometimes even 30 when Dakota was little.

Good luck with that little guy because it sounds like you'll be on your toes for a while with him.

Merry Christmas!!

Miriam said...

Haha. Ha.... oh, man, am I in trouble 12 months from now.

I wonder if those flight attendants were relatives of the one who kicked a family off for breastfeeding.

I mean really, crayons? So what! They don't even do the cleaning in between flights, and those crews must have industrial toddler mark-removers, no? Crayon is probably the least offensive possibility when it comes to passenger messes...

Britmum said...

Well alls I can say is oh bloody dear!!! You need Nanny 911 and I am not available till the end of next year. LOL

He will be a baby genius and make you rich.

Take care xx

compulsive writer said...

If you get really desperate you are welcome to come stay with us. Our home has survived three WMDs and we haven't done a thing to it, specifically because we've just resolved ourselves to the fact it's going to be destroyed. And we're mostly fine with that. So come on over--

Jenni said...

i left you a comment the other day and it has mysteriously disappeared...

to sum up:

-sorry i've been out of touch. a nice long email is in the making once things settle down.

and

-i feel your pain (times three). wait until you decide to move and have to pack with one (three) toddlers out for a good pillage.

hope all else is well!

more caffeine, please said...

Scene:

Last night, 12:45 a.m. I hear noises. We're at my mom's for the holidays. In very large house with lots of different floors and lots of different rooms. I search. I find C.J. 10,000 square feet away from his bed here playing with trucks and an entire roll of Scotch tape he'd unravled. He simply looks at me and says, "Sorry mom, I just woke up. Sorry, I need to play for a minute." Your post made me feel better. :-)