A few posts ago I wrote about how College Roommate and I loved Sting back in the day. Sting, Shawn Colvin, David Grey, Indigo Girls and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were the soundtrack to my college life. All music influenced by College Roommate and her way cooler friends.
One day, Rock Star Brother met the man himself before a show and Sting was all "I love your stuff, you guys are brilliant! I know brilliant because I used to teach English and be a waiter, so I am intellectual AND down to earth. I mean brilliant in the British way and the smart way, that is called a homonym (I don't know if you heard, but I used to teach English)." I'd like to believe that Sting takes advantage of learning opportunities like this.
Rock Star Brother was like "Thanks Dude!! I had no idea we had fans that had receding hairlines, I thought it was soccer moms and 14 year old girls"
At this point the publicist had to intervene "Um, this is Sting........of Police fame. No? Lets see, he plays the lute and wears tight pants, has typical blond male pattern baldness and writes lyrics that are studied in 12th grade English (he WAS an English teacher you know....). Still nothing? He was the previous incarnation of you guys.... tight pants, screaming girls, but instead of the Jesus-esqe facial hair you seem to be sporting, he went for the skinny, close cropped anemic look, same soulful lyrics, and he gets LOTS of press about his sex life.....still nothing? Did you see the Disney cartoon Tarzan? How about LiveAid? Every Breath You Take? ANYTHING?"
Rock Star Brother and crew were all "Have we seen you on MTV? I don't think we have. If you are actually a rock star we would have seen you on endless rotation on VHI, MTV or on YouTube. Even Sanjaya is getting airtime and his is most certainly NOT a rock star. Come to think of it, I know that we have never seen you with Jessica Simpson, Kirsten Dunst or passed out in Lindsay Lohan's VIP booth at Bungalow 8 . Seriously, I am not sure that you aren't just some weird dad that wandered backstage.... WHO LET THIS GUY BACKSTAGE?" Scuffle ensues.
One day, Rock Star Brother met the man himself before a show and Sting was all "I love your stuff, you guys are brilliant! I know brilliant because I used to teach English and be a waiter, so I am intellectual AND down to earth. I mean brilliant in the British way and the smart way, that is called a homonym (I don't know if you heard, but I used to teach English)." I'd like to believe that Sting takes advantage of learning opportunities like this.
Rock Star Brother was like "Thanks Dude!! I had no idea we had fans that had receding hairlines, I thought it was soccer moms and 14 year old girls"
At this point the publicist had to intervene "Um, this is Sting........of Police fame. No? Lets see, he plays the lute and wears tight pants, has typical blond male pattern baldness and writes lyrics that are studied in 12th grade English (he WAS an English teacher you know....). Still nothing? He was the previous incarnation of you guys.... tight pants, screaming girls, but instead of the Jesus-esqe facial hair you seem to be sporting, he went for the skinny, close cropped anemic look, same soulful lyrics, and he gets LOTS of press about his sex life.....still nothing? Did you see the Disney cartoon Tarzan? How about LiveAid? Every Breath You Take? ANYTHING?"
Rock Star Brother and crew were all "Have we seen you on MTV? I don't think we have. If you are actually a rock star we would have seen you on endless rotation on VHI, MTV or on YouTube. Even Sanjaya is getting airtime and his is most certainly NOT a rock star. Come to think of it, I know that we have never seen you with Jessica Simpson, Kirsten Dunst or passed out in Lindsay Lohan's VIP booth at Bungalow 8 . Seriously, I am not sure that you aren't just some weird dad that wandered backstage.... WHO LET THIS GUY BACKSTAGE?" Scuffle ensues.
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But, since everyone knows that in order to stay hip and cool and employed, folks in the public eye should listen to their publicist (ehm, ehm, TOM CRUISE...I am talking to you....). They eventually believed the publicist when he told them that Sting earns $2,000 a day from the royalties of "Every Breath You Take." After the show Sting and Rock Star Brother all went out for Magnolia cupcakes and ordered Jimmy V's.
Scene. Strike the Set (should I strike this, Corky?)
OK, I might be projecting a little bit here (and even though I didn't use the band name, I don't need a million emails from the Kids Choice Awards set saying "how dare you say that about theyaresoawesomeyoudon'tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout band!!" I get enough hate emails about the adoption stuff). I know that they knew who Sting was because at least one of them had an older brother and sister that had great music taste. We all know that since they are all men, they probably just grunted at each other and THEN went to Magnolia for cupcakes. I just wanted to follow up in this because guess who is opening at least one date for The Police Reunion Tour?
That's right. Rock Star Brother (and those other guys).
Scene. Strike the Set (should I strike this, Corky?)
OK, I might be projecting a little bit here (and even though I didn't use the band name, I don't need a million emails from the Kids Choice Awards set saying "how dare you say that about theyaresoawesomeyoudon'tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout band!!" I get enough hate emails about the adoption stuff). I know that they knew who Sting was because at least one of them had an older brother and sister that had great music taste. We all know that since they are all men, they probably just grunted at each other and THEN went to Magnolia for cupcakes. I just wanted to follow up in this because guess who is opening at least one date for The Police Reunion Tour?
That's right. Rock Star Brother (and those other guys).
Before this, his profession served the most useful purpose of allowing him to pass along celebrity gossip and distributing SWAG (and take his parents to the Grammy's) and tickets to the occasional sold out U2 concert. I am going to HOPE, HOPE, HOPE that he somehow manages to get his siblings backstage at that show and they can meet The Police in person. And then I hope they blog about it. And I want them to ask Sting why he filmed his son's birth and put it in a movie? No one wants to see that. Also, speaking of celebrity baby names, Sting is the proud papa of Fuscia, Coco, Micky and Giacomo (pronounced Jock-ee-mo for you non-Italian speakers like me who always wondered how to pronounce that....). His other boys are called Joseph and Jake. I need to know if naming half of his children stripper names and the other half Bible names is his commentary on the social complexities and internal dichotomies of our increasingly global and self involved society. Or was it the drugs? The whole naming schizophrenia just proves to me that he is so complex (AND he used to be an English teacher).
p
Anyway, enough about Sting and Rock Star Brother. It is a beautiful spring day and I am sitting in front of my open window, smelling the jasmine and avoiding my laundry and my cranky children. I may never have been an English teacher or played the lute or named my children after strippers (but I DID name one after a Bible guy) or have a Rock Star Brother or a blog that gets one million hits or even has any sort of focus, but I am lucky. I DO have a sweet daughter who lost an upper tooth and now has an adorable lisp, I DO have two friends and sister who just had a baby and several more due any minute (and who knows, maybe they will give their kids stripper names, IF WE ARE LUCKY!!), I have a giant piece of quiche that is full of tomatoes and goat cheese in front of me (it always comes back to food with me) and the prospect of Thursday Night TV ahead of me. I have commenter's on my blog that make me laugh and give me a form of socializing that my ever-sickly children deny me these days. I DO have my own handsome, skinny, blond Sting-esque husband who takes really good care of us (hi honey) even though he has to work about a trillion hours a week. I DO have a sweet son who loves his sisters and a baby that thinks that I am hilarious.
pp
Don't kid yourself. I would consider trading the lot of you for seats to that concert, but I am counting my blessings today. College Roommate, call me--I need to verify some celebrity gossip.......
