Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Wow...



Things are still yukky here........ but Jacob keeps me hopping. Today he found a permanent blue pen (WHERE is he getting these?) and colored the following:

--the walls, all of them
--the carpet, lots of it
--the couch, sadly, it is in such bad shape now I don't even care
--the brand new PBK's train/doll house table that Santa brought. We had it for exactly two days before he destroyed it. Sweet.
--Lauren's new wooden dollhouse
--my old purse (Lisa, you know the one, the tan Kate Spade tote...yes, I am a purse lady and I like expensive ones.......)
-- my brand new purse that I got from my inlaws for Christmas YESTERDAY (also Kate Spade and leather.....)
--a pretzel (really...and I thought that it was pretty funny that he took the time to color a pretzel)
--the two new stuffed animal/bean bags that Santa brought (a pink pig and a pink lamb..you have seem them in Pottery Barn Kids before.....). Now they look like they have guest starred on Miami Ink or served some serious time in the clink.


Since I have been dwelling a lot lately on what a stinker (the worst word I dare use since I don't want a social worker knocking on my door) my son is, you might wonder what I was doing leaving him alone for so long when I KNOW he gets into trouble. Where was I for the grand total of 5 minutes? Cleaning up throw up. His. Off myself and the floor. At first I thought he was sick, but now I think it might just have been a diversion to get me out of the room. Lately I have been sticking to him like poop on a duck. I have also been looking for a daycare or preschool to send him to. At first I wanted something that was going to keep him mentally stimulated and had predominantly black students and teachers. At this point, I just want what is reasonably safe, open and willing to take him.

He really isn't a bad kid. He is just curious and busy. He is really bright and very determined. He just has to see something ONCE and he wants to do it. He tried to tie his shoe after seeing me do it once. He now needs a knife so he can cut his food and he can actually manipulate the knife and fork. If I hadn't been too lazy to teach him sign language, he would be awesome. His eye/hand coordination is pretty amazing. He can put the straw in the juice box by himself (and for those of you who don't do this often, you should know that it has the SMALLEST opening....) and can take apart ANYTHING that you put in front of him (today it was a flashlight, several pens, the "shot" from his doctor kit, two paint brushes and several pieces of wooden doll furniture...). He really is charming and funny and sweet. He is just also incredibly destructive and strong and bored. He makes me cry. Daily. I want to like him more than I do right now. Don't take this the wrong way, I love him very much (I might even love him the best...but don't tell the other two!!) but I don't like him so much these days. I need to spend less time cleaning up destroyed furniture and purses and messes and damage and more time doing things like bathing, not crying or interacting with other two kids. Someday I might even see my husband too (but don't hold your breath).

My saving grace is that others of you have had kids like this before (maybe it is boys?) and they are ok now. My friend Lisa tells great stories of her son Owen. A mutual friend of ours wrote an article about him and described him like this "Owen has bee's in his head, and the bee's are crazy". Well said, Eric D, well said. I have to say that if Owen's bee's were crazy, Jacob's are psychotic, ADD juvvie bee's on a Red Bull high.

I think he is listening to the bee's.

So to end this post I will wrap up with a few lessons and a treat. Lesson number one--don't let Santa go anywhere near nice stores for the next 10 years. Lesson number two -- daycare is a good thing. I know I might get some comments about this (but keep in mind that my mom owned and ran a daycare for years, and she was great at it.... so I am already pretty pro-daycare) but I think that while it might not be for everyone, it is a great solution for kids with crazy bee's in their heads. Lesson three -- Throw up is gross. Lesson four-- Now you know why I do all the Africa work. Visiting orphanages and AIDS patients is a great way to escape the house (both mentally and physically) and currently it is emotionally less distressing and much more relaxing than mothering. Go figure.

Now the gift. Check this out and don't say I never gave you anything......
http://dlisted.com/2006/11/01/truly-awful-music-a-lohan-holiday/

39 comments:

Victoria said...

I love your blog and your kids are adorable! I found your site through Ana whom I have known for years. Hope you do not mind, your family is like mine and I enjoy seeing other families like ours.

It's hard to get mad at them when they are so darn cute! lol

wendy said...

It's boys. My boys are out of control. Sometimes I really wonder if they have brains.

It does get better...sort of...OK, it gets different as they age. Instead of destroying things all day long, they leave stinky socks lying around, lick their plates, wrestle with anyone or anything, fart on purpose...you get the point.

Well, your little guy might be a stinker, but he is a HANDSOME stinker!

Wendy
Flippin' Sweet

Bek said...

Welcome Victoria.... I love that Ana and love to see more families like mine!! I am off to check out your blog.....

Wendy.... thanks for the encouragement. I just keep telling myself that HE will be the one to care for me when I am old and crazy. The old part won't be his fault but the crazy part just might be....

Bek said...

Sneaky trick...no blog on Victoria... now you are just going to have to fill me in on your life. Interior Design? I need major help in that area..... :-)

Lucky Red Hen said...

Maybe try a playdate trade thingy. Friends have a way of keeping a kid busy - just make sure they're contained without sharp or artistic objects. His inquisitiveness (ooh, big word today) will be a blessing when he's older and a genius.

Bek said...

I moved away from many of my friends and 5 of my 7 dear friends just had babies LAST WEEK!! Two of the others are pregnant...

Also, I don't really trust him to go somewhere else right now. Not because people aren't good sitters, but because he can do this stuff when I am almost in the same room....... until you see it you have no idea how hard he is...

The other night at the ski house he decided to wander. Every single night of the trip he woke up at about 1:00 am and stayed awake until about 5:00 am.... we keep him in a crib tent at home. This night he got outside (doors locked...), threw the computer off the table and found Lulu's throw up bowl, filled it with a bottle of water and threw Dereks' black berry in it... all in the pitch dark and with me sleeping in the same room (this might be the bad part... i was SO tired after 2 weeks of no sleep I didn't hear him get up... and I have good mom radar......).

Sigh.

wendysue said...

I think some time apart is a good thing (day care, preschool, whatever). That's why I work PT, so they get a break from me and I get a break from them. It gives both of us some sanity. And there ain't nothin' wrong with that!

And I may need to check with you on that crib tent thing, My latest blog entry is about Whitney getting out of her crib for the first time. (I think most crib tents have zippers right? How can he not get out of that thing??)

Mandy said...

A few weeks ago I think I told you it gets better well I must change that statement. We've been having problems with Dakota and he's 11 now. I feel just like you that you spend most of the day crying and wish you could get back to the fun stuff instead of damage control.

Do you use any kind of punishment with Cubby? Time outs or anything like that. We've started using TO's with Asha and they are working great. Do you do anything to let him know that what he is doing is wrong?

He is just so cute that I think I would melt when he looked at me. Asha gives me the pouty lip when she's in trouble and it just about kills me.

Lyle said...

Throwing up as a diversion...love it. lil stinker.

Cleaning up that type of mess is my least favorite part of parenting.

Christy said...

Oh my. I've so been there. But, instead of destroying things...my boy goes for destroying me and/or his sister. Preschool has changed my life. We are both happier when he comes home. He loves going. I love sending him. Plus, after those few hours when he's gone I'm ready for him to be back.

I don't know if it gets better yet. It's manageable now, but not to the point of "normal", I don't think.

angie said...

He is so cute!! But life sounds really hard right now. Recently my twin boys got into the brown sugar while I changed a diaper in the other room and was gone for 3 mins. tops. There was sugar EVERYWHERE!!!The next day, I enrolled them in a preschool class! Sometimes boys just need more because when they are bored they will find something- whether it's sugar or a permanent marker...I'm so sorry!
p.s. I found you through Julie- we just adopted too.

Julie said...

I'm so sorry! You have your hands full with him. Daycare sounds like a great idea for Cubby--give him somewhere he can explore/experiment safely while you have some uninterrupted time with the other two. (Not that your house isn't safe--just that your not having to stick to him like poop on a duck would make you feel safer.)

I remember with my first how hard he was. He wasn't necessarily into things quite like Jacob is, but he was hard. (He still is.) No one believed me. Then my sister took him to the park one day with some of his cousins. She came home asking me how in the world I did it all day long. Having someone validate my feelings was so empowering!

You are an amazing mom, bek. You will get through this and you will someday laugh about it. And when Cubby has his own little destructo child, you can smile sweetly and tell him to have fun with it.

Ana said...

Call it preschool; you will feel better! At least I did!

I am so sorry ... you did however just give me an idea for a blog post. Come by in a while to see my photo essay entitled "Sam, Age 2." It was Sharpie heaven and a beautiful new clock broken with a baseball bat. But I didn't always get pictures of those things ... anyway I hope it will give you the idea that in 5 years you will look back and it won't seem so so awful. Really, I swear.

Bek said...

Thanks Julie...as a wonderful mom of three boys I take your words to heart and it gives me hope.

Ana...I can't wait. Sadly, I was so disheartened by the last 10 or 11 things I didn't even WANT to take pictures. I have the actual mental thought of "this might be funny someday but for now, I don't want a picture..."
R

Queen Scarlett said...

You deserve a break. Plus - he's so smart - he needs multiple eyeballs just on him...it'll be nice for your girls...to get some Mommy time! ;-)

Amanda/Mayhem Mama said...

Jacob has the most beautiful eyelashes! You can really see them in the picture of him on the phone, but in every picture his eyes are just gorgeous!

Hooray for preschool!! Jacob will love it, and you will too. Maybe he'll feel really grown up that he gets to go to school like his big sister?

It does get easier... Jacob might always require a lot of your parenting energy, but I bet he'll get less impulsive and learn how to channel some of that energy.

For a long time I couldn't leave Sparkle alone at all. Age two was really hard, especially because we had a baby, too. He's approaching four now, and his personality is still the same, and he needs more of my attention, but I enjoy him so much more.

Sorry to ramble on and on! I hope you will feel encouraged by all these comments reminding you that you're a great mom!

Leisha said...

I think we should start a "Yo Momma" type competition but substitute mischievious "Yo Son" stories to see who can top who! (Although I have to say, your Jacob's 5 minute accomplishments are pretty impressive). Once, while I was changing my newborn daughter's diaper, my Jacob (age 2 at the time) cracked 18 eggs on the kitchen floor (so grateful it was not in the living room) whisked them into a froth, decorated the recliner with raw chicken cutlets and then poured a 5 lb. bag of sugar onto the couch. All that in under 5 minutes! We had to padlock the fridge and pantry. A few hours at "preschool" helped my kid tremendously (and kept us both out of straitjackets!) Love your blog, cracks me up!

DeAnna said...

I just found your blog and first of all, your children are adorable! Secondly, its not just boys -- or maybe I'm just "blessed" with the only girl that acts the same way. I have a whole folder on my computer of pictures of my daughter getting into everything and doing crazy things, I honestly thought that kind of stuff wouldn't happen until she was older, but most of them happened between 12-24 months. She hasn't been as destructive lately, at least not to "material" things, but she did cut her own hair a few months ago (after climbing up and finding scissors), had once again gotten into my makeup, drew on my kitchen cabinets, etc. And like you said, its not like I was sitting on my rear watching TV letting her run around "unwatched", I step out of the room, come back in a couple minutes later and she's done something. :) I've called my husband in tears on many days saying I haven't gotten anything done that day because I'm just cleaning up after her, but then I have to admit, I LOVE her personality and I would much rather have a little mischievious one than one that doesn't have this same little imagination and energy. :)

DeAnna said...

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention using 2 whole bottles of shampoo and bath soap to "clean the couch" cushions. I didn't even get around to taking a picture of that one. I do think maybe it gets a little better, like I said she hasn't been "as" destructive the last couple months and she will be three this month -- maybe she's outgrowing it, or maybe she's just waiting to catch me off guard.

Bek said...

Amanda...again, your words help give me perspective...

Leisha... I have to say that your Jacob would win a "yo son" contest. So it is just boys? right? He is also my smartest and happiest child so it isn't all bad...

Deana..welcome to the club and thanks for smashing the gender barrier. I think that some kids are just more curious and busy and when they are bored, watch out. I am so relieved to hear all these (but sad that you had to all live through them....).

Cubby had done the shampoo thing to the bathroom so many times I don't even care anymore. I usually put the shampoo up, but sometimes I foget and then his dad does the bath stuf....... you know how it goest....

angie said...

Hi Bek!
I have 5 bio kids and we just adopted our sweet angel Preston. We plan to adopt atleast one more. I've lurked on your site for a while and feel like I know you!

lisa v. clark said...

I'm so sorry about your purses! Does that sound materialistic? It's just that I know, because I agree, that they are such a treat and a delight! I will take him for a few days and make OWEN walk around and watch him/play with him 24/7. They'll have such fun!!!

Azúcar said...

I'm so sorry about your purses TOO.

I love to leave the Christmas tree up as long as possible. On Monday Guille came into the living room (where I was sitting) with my huge, heavy, English-style umbrella and announced, "I want to hit the tree" and started taking baseball swings at it with the umbrella. Everything came down that night.

I have to say, I was quite the adventurous child as well. My mom has the best stories. I say that because I loved going to preschool SO MUCH. It was such great focused play with constant stimulation. I think Cubby will love it and you will too. Plus, blonding time with you and Nori!

Azúcar said...

Also:

The Eric article declaring that Owen has bees in his head.

I liked this follow-up that Eric wrote six months later.

Eric tells the boys a story.

tracy m said...

Oh Honey! I'm so sorry. I'm mouring your Kate Spade bags, and I'm so in the same boat with not always liking your kid. It's brutal, but it's totally true. You always love them, but man, sometimes liking them is a stretch.

Wish I was closer to help.

edj said...

He's so beautiful! Hard to stay mad. :)
Seriously, I want to encourage you that you can teach him to obey you. It's hard to give parenting advice when I don't even know you IRL (sorry!), but you can like your kids. It is possible. Tell him NO clearly, and when he disobeys, make sure there are clear consequences and that you are always consistent (the hardest part in my experience.) It may take some time but he will learn (he's obviously a bright kid) and you'll save yourself a lot of frustration and anger.
Good luck! I'm still chuckling over the "diversion" of puking!

Ana said...

This comment got too long. I am putting it at Watch Out for Mama instead.

Ana said...

Also, someone told me about a fluid used by electricians that removes Sharpie ink. I have never found it but I googled and found this:

http://macslash.org/article.pl?sid=03/12/02/0224202&mode=thread

Good luck!

Bek said...

Thanks for all the advice..... I think that I am just wallowing after all. I know that some day I will think this is all funny. Maybe when I have slept and I am not sick.

As for the discipline... I appreciate the feedback. I am actually a really stict mom. I am not one of those that lets things go. I try my hardest to be consistant and my kids get the "123/Timeout" thing. I know his buttons and know what things are the most effective punishment--I thought. What I am learning with this kid is that he isn't really trying to be naughty. With all the lotion (and the toothpase, and conditioner, and shaving cream) he was just trying to lotion himself and his hair (something I let him help me do every day...). I just have to adjust HOW I discipline him because the old stuff isn't doing it. I know that if I keep it up, someday he will get it (thanks EDJ) and the key now is just to do it.

Naptime is over and I am off to watch the boy while magically making dinner in the other room...

Happy Wednesday!

Victoria said...

Sorry Bek, here's my blog http://eachdayablessing.blogspot.com/

Like Ana, I have tons of stories of my boys, my favorite is pouring ketchup and oil down my heat registers...lol...I can laugh now but back then I thought I was going to go crazy. You wouldn't know it now, I just think it's the age.

Syd said...

Well Bek, I think you've got tons of great advice. I just wanted to send my 'Hang in there'. I am so sorry that things are so frustrating. It's amazing how such little people can get under your skin. I got soooo mad at Maddy the other night. Ugh, that child is my stinker, she is SO stubborn (hmmm, wonder where she got that from - me!!). We are too much alike. Anyway, HUGS. Sorry about the sickness and destruction. Hang in there babe. Just make sure you find some way to get that YOU time. DH and I are going the rounds on that one. He thinks I don't need/deserve it. Niiiice hu. Sigh.

HUGS - Syd

Azúcar said...

Some advice for you, Syd, is to sit down with your husband and make a chart of what you do every day for a week and how long it takes. Have him do the same thing. Be brutal, write everything down from checking the TP stock on hand, mental tally of canned black beans, to how many loads of laundry you do.

After we compared charts the differences were striking. Once my husband figured out that I had FIVE hours of free time a week and he had oh, THIRTY, he was far more willing to take some of my workload. I got my 'me' time and so can you.

Bek said...

Syd I am here for you.....

Emily said...

My wish for you is that you get two or three hours of time away from the crazy bees every day. Preschool, I'm in favor. Or, hire a babysitter (who can drive herself to your house) who will be assertive even if you are there too and have her just play with Jacob for a few hours. I am absolutely sure you are a wonderful parent and I just want you to have a break for sanity's sake. You probably weren't looking for advice, but I so know that the crazy bees are contagious, and I would be feeling them at this point.

Bek said...

I was actually thinking about you Emily, since you have three boys and have been donw this path before....

Never fear, the help is on it's way..... somehow....

Queso said...

I'm not sure what is worse, the Kate Spade catastrophe or the Lohan Holiday. And I'm not sure what is more freaking awesome, the blue pretzel or the crazy bees in the head comment.

Bek said...

Girl.... it is hard to choose.

You are the only person (I think) that listened to the Lohand Holiday. snicker.

The Kate Spade bags are a tragedy. I bought a vintage (first season) black and white checked KS bag when Lulu was one. SHe spilled a costco smoothie on it. THat was the begninning of the end for me. I still have some (because I like them and they are roomy) but I have no doubt that any of them will be intact by next year...

mommeof4 said...

" At first I thought he was sick, but now I think it might just have been a diversion to get me out of the room. "

That is priceless.

Had a therapist ask if I REALLY felt the kids were out to get me (he looked too young to have children, but, you know, he's out of the house all day so probably thinks she's eating bonbons and such, feet kicked up, watching O.

mommeof4 said...

Oh! I forgot to say, in case you were interested in even trying , (and if a permanent pen-which i've never heard of, as opposed to marker- hasn't left grooves in all the fabric, floor and (probably so) wood):

Those pre-treater stain stick thing-a-muh-bobs work great on removing permanent marker from hardwood floors, inside of washing machine, kitchen cabinetry, side of car (no joke).

Two minutes on, then wipe. I had to call the stain stick folks to let them know about the hardwood floors and melted-crayon-in-the-dryer-removal.