Monday, February 06, 2006

My son, the contortionist

My son has an amazing talent, well two really, but I am only going to address one here. He can fit into the SMALLEST spaces and sit perfectly still. Fun, huh? He also will sit silent and still just long enough for me to think that he has somehow gotten out the door, out the gate and is on his way to Safeway. Unfortunately, that has happened more then once. I swear that I am a very attentive mother, but he is FAST and CUNNING. He actually ripped a hole in my screen door to escape once. We have 6 screen doors on the bottom floor and I really can't watch them all at the same time. Luckily, Lauren broke me in on all this stuff. Our old house was across the street from a Walgreens. We would walk over and get ice cream sometimes or play with the toys. The SECOND Lulu could get the door open she was off to Walgreens. Once I was sitting in my front room while she played on our back porch. I glanced out the window to see my 20 month old child running across the parking lot as fast as she could. She had wiggled under the fence to freedom. That was when the "30 second rule" was instituted in our home. More then 30 seconds of silence always meant trouble so I would call out "Lauren, what are you doing?". Even now she will just announce to me out of nowhere "I am ok mom!". Old habits die hard.

In the last 48 hours I have found my son in the following places:

1. Under my mother in law's sink--behind the boxes of detergent--with the door closed.

2. Behind my mother in law's big family room drapes.

3. Under MY sink, with the door closed

4. Under the wing chair in the kitchen. There is approximately 4 inches of space. I still don't know how he got in there.

5. Under my keyboard tray in the computer armoire, again with the door closed. There is so little space in there that I have to move the CPU just to get the door closed.

6. Between the back of the toilet and the wall. You know the little space between the floor and the tank. Perfect.

7. Under my bed. Again, 4 inches of space and in between all the dust bunnies and old clothes that I store under there.

8. In my chimney, sitting on the fake logs with the chain mail curtain thingy pulled shut, oh--he also had his little cow tricycle with him, on his lap.

9. In the refrigerator of the toy kitchen.

10. In the hall closet behind the shoe basket, with the door closed and the light off.

11. In Derek's closet. We have lots of boxes stored in his closet (the kind with the sliding doors). Jacob loves to wedge himself between the boxes and the door and pull the door closed. There is so little space that he has to turn his head sideways.

I am amazed that he can get into these places and has enough awareness to be still and quiet-- until he can't stand it any more and starts to laugh. I am also learning that he isn't afraid of the dark. It is clear that this is a fabulous game to him and he is winning. He has also figured out how to get out of his Britax 5 point harness car seat..arms AND legs. He has been escaping from his high chair since the age of 8 months old. I still can't figure out how he can get the doors closed. The very best part of all though is that he does it all with his Batman mask on. I know that at 16 months old he can't possibly understand what he is doing, can he?

The thing that makes me feel better is that I have a friend that has been through all this before. Oh Judy has a son that makes JJ look like Pollyanna. I can't remember all the things that he has done (there is another blog for you Judy--or did you already do that?) but I know that some of his greatest hits include; hacking at a newly painted wall with the claw side of the hammer and climbing up a pole onto the roof (at 2) both scaring and impressing the neighbor kids. I guess this is just par for the course with little ones. More Caffeine also has quite a list of things that her wee man does, so I know that this is nothing yet. Elpasorepresent's daughter seems to be right on track too. All too soon we will move from funny things to destructive things. As long as no one tells me this is a sign of some rare and terrible disease, I can live with it. If you wanna make me feel better you can tell me about your kids greatest hits.

P.S. The second talent that he has is that he can whistle. Honest to goodness whistling, both sucking in and blowing out. And he does it ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!

10 comments:

~j. said...

Yikes. I am terrified of some of those things...the escaping more than the hiding. When I was little (not sure how old - 3 maybe?) I walked the 2/10 of a mile to the ice cream shop and asked for some for me and some for my dog. Thank goodness for small town living - they knew me and called my mom.

When we first moved into our neighborhood, there were houses still being built (construction equipment, workers, dirt, pits, etc.), and Rae would just...leave. So we installed what we refer to as "Rae Locks" - those locks that they use on hotel room doors that you just flip over a knob so that the door can't open any more than a few inches. Although perhaps your Cubby could escape from that...

Bek said...

He is kind of like a mouse. You know how they say that if a mouse can find just one inch of space.....

My biggest fear is, of course, that he will somehow find the pool. We have pool gates, but you never know.

I might invest in some of those alarms that they sell on TV, the kind that go off in anything passes by them.....yup, that might work....

Rae, the escape artist, that is the worst. BTW, Lauren has 6 "sisters" now and one of them is named Rae! :-) Popular name!

more caffeine, please said...

It is only until you find him in the closet with the door shut, head wedged in sideways with a bottle of blue craft paint dumped all over him, your new carpet and your husbands golf shoes that you will start to cry.

wendysue said...

Are we playing CLUE? It was Jacob, in the chimney, on the fake logs with the cow tricycle. You win!

Molly was our early whistler. I think about the same age. We actually had to have the rule "Molly, NO whistling during the sacrament prayers!!"

FYI, my sister has these little alarms that are by the doors and anytime the door is opened (coming or going) a little alarm beeps. . .

Tablogger said...

Becca, your post made me think of something Isabelle and Chase used to do last year with their toy kitchen set. (my apologies - in order to show to the pictures, I have to send you to my Yahoo photos site - apparently you can't use the img tag in a blog comment)

In this first one, Chase wouldn't stay inside once he saw that I had the camera...

...so he started to climb out...

...and then, Isabelle heard that there was a camera, so of course she had to start climbing out too...

I'm sure there's a funny Hansel & Gretel-related caption to go with these pictures, but unfortunately I'm not that creative. Besides, that would mean that Chase should be wearing liederhosen in the picture and I'm afraid that's where I draw the line!

s'mee said...

This is fun. Well as the mom of 5 all I can say is llok at the positive things that are to come. He'll be ablt to break into your car when you lock yourself out. He'll be able to clean the chimney from the *inside*. He will be able to win a lot of bets in high school and college.

Get him into things like gymnastics, then set up a bank account. Someday this kid will be the star in Cirque du Soleil or better yet the competition!

La Yen said...

Great. So many things to look forward to...

AzĂșcar said...

I honestly think that the fact that he can remain quiet is far more impressive.

Rachel said...

hilarious! my fave is in the fireplace with his cow tricycle. leah is an escape artist, too. a few of my faves (actually, they still creep me out when i think of them): at 3:00 am, jon awakes to hear a moaning cry, "daddy, where are you?" we couldn't find leah ANYWHERE. and then jon realized that the sound was coming from outside in our front courtyard-type walkway thing. hello! she had undone the deadbolt and everything in her sleep. so now we are like fort knox and have one of those chain slider things way up high. no escaping for her lately.

other most frightening incident: when we first moved into this home, the previous owners had created a doggy-door type slat in their fence so their dog and their backyard neighbor's dog could go back and forth at will. we never thought leah would find it. one day we were eating dinner and leah and cousin were in the back yard and it was so quiet (i'm going to adopt the 30 second rule) and i sent jon out to check on them. nowhere in sight. well, they had gone through the doggy slat and were dipping their feet into the deep end of the neighbor's pool. yikes. i still have nightmares about that one. "we were just going to go swimming..."

Bek said...

oy!

I actually looked out my MIL's kitchen window when I was over at her house helping with dinner and saw Lauren IN THE POOL. She was two! She was on the steps......

Her dad was supposed to be watching her. He was watching football! I have also plucked Jacob out of the ocean while he was on his dad's watch. I think that is why kids need TWO parents. One to keep them alive and the other to make sure they don't grow up too anal.

Getting outside? Yikes. Lauren is a sleep walker and so was Derek.