An open letter...

Dear Bono and Mary J. Blige,

I know that you are both amazingly talented people that have sold more records and made more money then I can ever hope to see in my lifetime. I know that you, Bono, are busy saving the lives of African children and making the US forgive loans to small third world countries. Bravo. Mary, I don't exactly know what you do, but I do know that Elton John once gave you a white piano on the Rosie O Donnell show, so you must be doing something right.

I just want to address the TINY issue of the performance at the Grammy's last night. I am still trying to understand how two people who are such good singers and such seasoned performers can turn out a version of the song "One Love" that makes the O Town performance of "Liquid Dreams" at the Miss American pageant look like La Triviata. I am sure that it was supposed to be a match of two different "worlds"; like Eminem and Elton or Gwen Steffani and Moby or Gwen Steffani and Lil Kim. The difference is that theirs worked and yours SO SO SO didn't. I haven't been that uncomfortable at a musical performance since Jennifer Lopez tried to sing that Spanish song with Marc Anthony. It might be because they actually tried it out BEFORE they were on stage.

Bono, sure you were just trying to sing the song as it normally goes and get on with it. That I didn't object to. It was all the flat notes, not being in tempo w/ the music and the general off key performance that I objected to. I think that I saw The Edge wince, TWICE. There is just no excuse for that since you WROTE the song and also have been performing it for the last 20 years. Maybe that was the problem. You figured that you knew it so well there was no need to practice. You might try to justify it by saying "it is hard to hear the music when you are ont he stage" Well, the rest of the bands managed to do it and isn't what those little ear thingy's are for? Maybe it is like when I was a missionary and I had to give so many impromptu talks that I didn't think I needed to prepare. Then I got up on the stand once and totally blanked. That happens, sure, but I am not being paid 30 kajillion dollars for doing it. NO EXCUSE.

And Mary. Mary, Mary, Mary. I am a huge fan of all the scat and improv, gospel-y additional stuff you were trying to do, but again, NOT ON KEY, NOT IN RHYTHM and NOT GOOD. I get the distinct impression that you all didn't practice before this performance. If I didn't know better, I would say that Mary had never actually heard the song before. You had your heart into it though. You were just off in the corner w/ your capri's and Heidi braids just singing and scatting your little heart out. I wanted to like it, but you just gave me NOTHING to work with.

The most disturbing part is that I read a ton of reviews today and it seemed that everyone else LOVED it. Huh? Did any of them actually hear it? Was it so loud in the auditorium that no one could actually hear it and they just assumed that it was good? I don't understand. I guess this really doesn't deserve the attention that I am giving it, but it just makes me so mad. There are so many bands that are trying SO HARD to make it and it is unforgivable to me when such veterans turn out crap on the biggest night of music. It is kind of like giving the finger to your fans. I just wanted to get that out of my system. Now I can focus on more important things like WHAT THE HECK was Charlie doing on Lost last night and if Brittany is going to get arrested for driving down the road w/ her baby on her lap. You know what they say...they can take the girl out of the trailer park.......don't get me started, don't even get me started.

Oh, and Bono, most women don't like being touched on the tummy when they are pregnant. I am not sure how Gwen felt about you bending down and basically LICKING her stomach in front of the entire world. You might save African Children and raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, but you need to remember one word.....BOUNDARIES!

One Love,
R


I realize that in the grand scheme of things this topic is not very important, but it sure made me laugh and then cry. :-) Did anyone else see that last night? I only turned it on during the crapola and didn't watch the rest. How did Uncle James do? Are we HAPPY that Kelly Clarkson won for best female performance, and gasp, didn't thank American Idol? What about Mariah being shut out? Has anyone actually heard her album? Just checking.......I love the Grammy's for the great fashion choices that come out of it too...