Wednesday, October 31, 2007

So....

He is a she.

She has Downs Syndrome. I know it isn't the end of the world, but I am going to take a few days to process. Anyone who has been through this or knows of someone who has please feel free to e mail me. We just feel like we are at the cusp of a big long road and aren't quite sure where to start.

My e mail is rebeccakbingham at yahoo dot com

See you in a few days....

29 comments:

Suzie Petunia said...

Wow, bek. I'll keep you and your precious little girl in my prayers. If anyone knows how to handle a difficult situation... it is you. Take your time.

Anne said...

bek, holding you and your precious family in my heart right now.

On the heels of all your recent stress this has to be incredibly tough. I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the peace and comfort in the world.

Above all, congratulations on daughter #3! Jacob will be REALLY outnumbered now.

Carrie said...

This is really a mixed blessing. My friend has a DS child who is the light and joy of his parents life. I'm keeping your family and your sweet baby girl in my thoughts.

Congrats on your 3 baby girl!

more caffeine, please said...

Three girls to one Jacob is a good ratio - I think another Hudini (sp?) could do you in. She'll be beautiful.

tracy m said...

Bek, love and tons of prayers heading your way- for you and your whole family.

I'm far away, but would grab a cheapo southwest flight in a heartbeat if you needed me too... Wish I was there to give you a big hug.

angie said...

She will be beautiful! I will keep you in my prayers and am thinking of you.

Plain Jane said...

Bek,
Although I am not a mother of a DS child, I am the sister of one.

Having my sister in my life certainly has given me and my family a different perspective, many opportunities and experiences that most people will never know or understand.

Yes, there will be very frustrating experiences. Most of these will come from other people's ignorance. Your other children's lives will be broadened and your family blessed by your new little girl.

Betina said...

Bek -
Congratulations on this little girl! As a Speech Therapist I have worked with some children with DS. I promise you this baby will make you smile every day, just like your 3 other children do. You are an AMAZING mother, and I know you can do this!

lala said...

I'm just a lurker but I wanted to say I'm sorry you've got more stress on your plate. Take care of yourself.

Emily S. said...

You will get through this. I will be praying for you and your family.

Julie P said...

We're saying prayers for your family! So much love for you, Bek.

Emily said...

I liked what Plain Jane said. Bek, even though we've yet to meet, I know that you have a real gift and strength for teaching otherwise ignorant people about life the way it ought to be: without prejudice, without judgment, with a ton of love. I think you will be the perfect mother for this perfect little girl! Lots of love to you all.

Mayhem said...

Congratulations! A daughter! Three girls... Wow!

Take all the time you need, whenever you need it. We'll be thinking of you and praying for your whole family!

Leisha said...

If you are anything like me you are in the throes of "process mode" and researching and adjusting to what challenges and blessings this sweet baby girl is preparing to bring into your world. Complex emotions take time to sort out and process.

I just met a mother at my daughter's preschool who has a son with Downs Syndrome. I will try to get as much "real life" information from her as I can and pass it along to you.

Just keep taking things one day at a time. Even if no one asks for or seeks out these types of challenges, I know the Lord will strengthen you to withstand the weight of the responsibility being placed on you and your family.

And Congratulations! I crave another baby girl and am so jealous that you will have 3!

Leisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thinking about you, but since I don't really know what to say, just know there are lots of us here if you need us.

Danielle

Queen Scarlett said...

Congrats an a girl...I love girls. Is the test fool-proof? My friend Stephanie C mentioned they had the test and turns out healthy babies.

Regardless... I can't help but think you are one of those who are most valiant... I like to think we hung out pre-earth...but I think you were and still are out of my league.

Sending hugs.

c jane said...

Bek, I just read this from my friend Katy's blog. It is about her niece Lacy who has DS written by her father. It was so inspiring.

Congratulations!

Geo said...

You beautiful, beautiful mother. Your new daughter will be brimming over with beauty too. All I can think is that you are so trusted, and that you wll be so blessed. Congratulations with all my heart. Because you are who you are, you will be surrounded with love and support as you learn how to do what you need to. I don't know you well, but well enough to believe you are up for this exciting challenge. Get lots of rest, if you can. My prayers for you and yours will continue.

Anonymous said...

I have a DS daughter, now age 24. I went through a lot of stress at first, but the best advice I ever received then was "Take it a day at a time." I was worrying about everything, and just stopping to love my daughter and enjoy her for who she was helped me a lot. Go to the Down Syndrome site on the Internet and read a story that has "Holland" in the title. That was also a comfort for me. Your daughter will get stares and comments all her life, but you will get used to that and will become tough about it. You have a lovely little girl whom you will love just as much as the other children. I wouldn't change my Julie at all!

Ana said...

Julie, I have a couple of friends with DS kids. I will ask them to email you if that is ok.

You are doing great - you're doing just what you need to be doing right now.

Congratulations on expecting your next little girl!

haley said...

Bek, I took pics of the sweetest DS little girl who melted my heart a few weeks ago.. you'll all be in my prayers. :)

Erin said...

Bek,
I am so sorry that you did not get the news that you were hoping for with the test results, but at the same time, I want to congratulate you on your new daughter. She will be beautiful and she will be an amazing blessing to you and your family.

Hang in there.
Lots of love,
E

wendy said...

Congrats on another precious girl, Bek! As the mother of 5 girls, I have to say I'm a little partial. And, as the mother of 3 boys, I have to say that girls *are* easier. I love my boys, but boy are they ever ... energetic. ;-)

I know you have some struggles ahead, but also many, many moments of joy and love. I am sure you've been blessed with the exact skills that this little girl needs in a mommy, and that is why she has come to you.

I'm thinking of you!

Wendy from Flippin' Sweet

~j. said...

Congratulations on another little girl! Have you thought of any names?

My bishop's youngest, Amanda, has Down Syndrome. I think she's in her mid 20's). Just in the last year or so, she moved out of the house to live with a sister. Talking with Amanda's mom about it (the move), she (the mom) gets very teary-eyed, even now, because she and Amanda have such a special, special relationship.

Peace and love to you and your family.

Jaren said...

My last baby (before the one I am currently pregnant with) has a physical disability diagnosis called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. IT WAS SO OVERWHELMING TO ME when they first told me (I was about 20 weeks pregnant.) They kept saying "Prepare for him to die at birth" if he has any of these 300 possible diseases. It was so scary and I felt very helpless. Then he was born and he was fine. They kept him in the NICU just in case but ended up sending him back to me in my room. It really stressed me out not knowing if he would be ok or not. I went through relatively mild post partum depression. I was lucky because I recognized the signs and got help right away. Because of it, I just needed medicine for 18 months and therapy. I know how it feels to be told there is something "wrong" with your baby. But you know what. If I was to do it over again, I would choose Spencer over any "perfect" child any day. I have twins are completely healthy and am pregnant with another baby. Spencer is the joy of our lives. He had club feet which they continue to "fix" with surgery and is only affected otherwise in his arms. He does really well and you can't really tell he even has a "condition." I can tell you first hand a child with a disability is a gift from God. I will always be grateful for him and his sweet spirit in our home. I hope you are doing ok with your "news." The Lord will watch over you and make you see that he only does things for you to make you grow in ways you wouldn't have otherwise. Your heart will expand and your spirit will grow. May you experience the joy that only a DS child can bring.

liz said...

My sister has a special needs daughter and found this poem to give her comfort (I will post it here as someone else in comments wrote about it).
************************

"Welcome to Holland"

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this:
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

- Emily Pearl Kingsley

Third Mom said...

Congratulations on your daughter! And if I may say, your incredible sensitivity and energy will be a blessing to this little one. My prayers go out for you and your family as you process the new information.

Emily M. said...

May I recommend a great book for you? It's called Gifts: Mothers Reflect on how Children with Down Syndrome enrich their lives. That might not be exact, but it's along those lines. You can get it at Barnes and Noble; it's a wonderful collection of essays designed to uplift. God bless.