Black people love us....

I can't even remember how I found this, someone must have sent me the link. It makes me laugh every time I see it. I have no idea why or how this started, although it is clearly a joke. This whole thing is very much in the spirit of the Bean Society back at BYU. It could have been a Garren's sketch (can't you see Lisa Clark or Katie Fillmore Craig as the girl with the sweater around her shoulders?)

Best part--the letters from people who don't realize it is a joke. :-)

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html

Mmmmmm.......pie!

What is a first birthday without having the "cake all over your face" shot? We decided to get Banana Cream Pie (it shows up better) and we just let him go at it. These pictures were taken right before it got smeared in his hair (I am STILL picking it out). He also figured out that if he put a whole bunch of it in his mouth and "blew bubbles" it would shoot across the room.

In our family you aren't officially one until you have this picture. Ironically, every meal time at our house has Jacob ending up looking like this....

Some pictures...

At the front gate......Tinkerbell Costume for Lauren? Check. Tinkerbell Costume for Clara (the bear)? Check. One squirmy toddler? Check...........Lets go find some Churro's.

Lauren knew the drill w/ the characters so she was in HEAVEN. Jacob just wanted to lick them. This is one of the few pictures we have where he isn't actually putting a part of the character in his mouth. I hope these guys get paid well!

It was SO HOT down there. We stripped the kids and let them run around in the sprinklers at Bug's Life in California Adventure. It was a good way to cool them off. This is a GREAT idea.

This is Lulu with her two favorite people. Grandma Jane and Cinderella. They occupy the same worship status in our house.

Ohhh. Derek took Lulu to the park one morning the minute it opened and they were able to see all the characters in less then an hour. This is the best way to do it.

It must be stream of consciousness Monday

I discovered a blog that I love. It is called Snarkernacle. This guy follows all the LDS based blogs, some are really more of a web magazine, and pokes a bit of fun at them. It is all the things that I usually think, but don't say. He has comments on the contributors, the topics and some generally funny comments about other stuff. It is usually not personal or mean--but sometimes it is. He is like the John Stewart of LDS blogs. If you are going to put it out there, prepared to have it commented on. He doesn't appear to take himself too seriously. In fact, I think he even contributes to at least one of the sites. Plus, I love the word snark, I use it all the time with my kids.

Anyway, that is not the point, I had never even heard of most of the blogs and I had a great time reading them. I have to say that many of them seemed a bit holy and pretentious (one major exception is Various Stages of Mormonism--because you get all sides of one topic. I enjoy hearing what all sides have to say about it and It doesn't usually turn into a contest to see who knows the most or can pull the most obscure reference from the scriptures). I fully recognize that I am not the greatest authority on all things holy. All I know is that if I were any of my non member friends and ran across these, I would think that Mormons were a bunch of stuffy religious zealots that had really relaxed rules about how much time we were allowed to spend on the computer at work. Many of the people seem to be the kinds of people that drove me just a little bit crazy in school, the people that I liked but would cause a lot of eye rolling and would give me really great fodder for the stories I would tell my non member friends. To be fair, I actually ended up knowing at least one person at each site, between Stanford, Princeton, BYU and my mission. The people I know aren't all stuffy and pretentious. Mainly they are very smart, kind and capable people who DON'T drive me crazy so maybe the blogs just don't read true for me.

Wow, that wasn't the point either. This is where I was going.......One of the threads that I read was all about how this guy came home from his mission and kept wanting to use words in Spanish for English things (come on, we ALL knew this guy...the one who would pretend to not remember the word in English....I frequently forget words in English but it is because between the Diet Coke and my children I am running on fewer brain cells, not because I spoke another language for so long). His point was that there are some words that just cover it better in Spanish. Ironically, when I was at The BY (as Grandma Thora always called it) it was only the Spanish speakers that I ever heard do this. I never heard someone lamenting that a Finnish word or Russian phrase would cover so clearly what they were trying to say. There were at least 30 people in the comments that agreed and all contributed words that THEY liked better in Spanish. Again, just Spanish, not Japanese, Thai, French, etc. Maybe it is because there are far more Spanish speaking RM's then anyother language. Maybe Spanish really DOES work better for English then English. Who knows? All I know is that it if it doesn't work for Madonna, it isn't going to fly with anyone else. It is annoying.

I served in the very short lived British Sign Language British Isles Mission (we basically opened and closed it). I was already fluent in American Sign Languge. Signed languages are spatial, so they are very succinct. Instead of saying "go down the road, turn left, take a quick right and then up the stairs", you can communicate the same thing in ASL or BSL w/a few gestures.
There are many things in a visual language that you can communicate much easier then spoken language. There is usually no verbal equal to many of the phrases and idioms in ASL/BSL. It's been 10 years and there are still times when I am saying something and thinking "I know ONE sign that would cover what I am trying to say". At times, talking can be very tedious (and I should know because I talk, A LOT!!) It IS a real language with grammar rules and all the other things that spoken language have, you just use your face, your hands and space instead of vocal chords. It also isn't just subbing a sign for an English word. If you were to transliterate ASL or BSL into English, you would sound like Yoda. I just want to say for the record that even though there were MANY times I thought to myself, "I wish I could just sign this essay test" I never ACTUALLY tried to.

There was lots of cool slang in England, but most people know it: loo, chuffed, dodgy, git, nappy, tube, etc. It got interesting when we would have to try to translate the slang into the BSL slang equivalent. It was maddening. I lived in Bow, a section of London that still uses Cockney rhyming slang. I still remember it when I hear some words. People in this very small section of London use it all the time. For example--apples and pears is Cockney for stairs, trouble and strife is wife, dog and bone is phone, ruba dub dub is pub. Here is a phrase in Cockney...."I need to go up the apples and pears and use the dog and bone to ring my trouble and strife and tell her to meet me at the rub a dub dub". To make it even more complicated, they will often drop the last part of the rhyme--or the part that actually rhymes with the word that they are subbing it for. This is the same phrase used by someone who is speaking real Cockney--I'm going up the apples to get on the dog to ring the trouble and have her come 'round the rub.
Translate THAT!!!! I shudder to think about what the poor Deaf people actually got when they depended on me to translate for them. The Relief Society President in my ward in East London used various phrases all the time. No one really uses all of them all the time, but it was enough to be confusing. I also want to state here that I NEVER walked around the BYU campus using Cockney slang and "pretending" to forget the real words. Do you get where I am going with this?
I served in Scotland for several months too. That one was hard. They used lots of Gaelic slang up there but the slang was easy compared to the accent. I love the accent more then anything in the world, but some of the people are very hard to understand. If they would all just talk like Ewan McGregor or Sean Connery, we would have be fine. Sheesh. There was a Scottish elder in the London Mission I swore I would marry just to listen to him speak for the rest of my life. Of course there was also a Scottish elder in the London mission that accepted a bet for 5 quid to eat a bonnet pepper (one of the hottest peppers in the world). He did it and was sick for days. He also took 10 quid to drink the water in the old nasty plant pot that had been in the missionary flat forever. Again, sick for days. He would eat anything disgusting for money. Ahhhh, missionaries.

This post really has no point or even very good flow. I was just taking a walk down memory lane. I don't really think about my mission any more. It was fun to think about it for awhile. I am far enough removed from it to not really remember or care about the bad stuff and can just laugh about the good stuff. Also, that is where I met my husband. It was really nice to not have to talk or think about birth mothers, law suits, crazy people, cancer or favorite grandma's that have passed away. I needed that this week.

The devils child....

I am a terrible mother.

For the last few weeks people have been asking me how old Jacob is, I always answer "he is almost one." I think the reason people ask is because he is walking everywhere now. He is also in a phase where he does things like insisting on pushing the cart in Target or his stroller in the mall. He even goes as far as grabbing my hand to pull me AWAY from the cart so I don't interfere with his process. Charming, huh? People always express surpise when I answer because he is really small. He looks like a walking 6 month old (and is still wearing 6-9 month clothes, poor baby).

Lately, when asked, I have been answering "he turns one on Saturday". I am just about to burst my buttons because I can't believe that my boy is almost one. I think about how much has happened in a year, what I was doing a year ago etc. Just today, I realized that I had gotten the day wrong. He isn't turning one on Saturday because that is the 8th, his birthday is on the 7th, that is Friday. I was laughing about this on the phone with my friend and she was quiet for a minute. Finally she said "are you sure, Rebecca? Isn't his birthday on the 6th?" I was just about to become indignant and say something like "I would know my own kids birthday--I was there after all" but something struck true. Suddenly, I couldn't remember the day of his birthday.

How can this be? Is it because he was adopted and I didn't physically give birth to him? Wouldn't that make me MORE likely to remember? Granted I slept at the hospital for three days inbetween taking care of her other kids. I didn't even know my own name by the end of it, but I would remember that......right?

I called my husband. "Is Cubby's birthday the 6th or the 7th?"
"The 6th."
"Are you sure? I thought it was the 7th."
"Rebecca, you have done this before, I remember hearing you tell someone else that his birthday was the 7th and I thought to myself, no it isn't."
"How could I not remember that ?"
"Here is an easy way, just think of him as a little devil baby. He was 6 pounds and 6 ounces and born on the 6th. 666."

Riiiiiiiight, the devils child. Got it.

I can joke about this boy being the devils child because he so clearly is NOT. From the first day JJ entered the world he has been a happy and easy going soul. When I first brought him home and we weren't sure how serious his diagnosis of Galactosemia was, he was mellow and calm. He rarely cried and his face just radiated joy. Lulu and I used to race to his room in the morning to see who would get the "wake up smile". The first thing he does when he wakes up is flash a big smile. Now that he is older he can jabber, clap and laugh too. It is very infectious.
When Derek blessed him, he said that one of Jacob's special talents was to be cheerful. That is a very good description. He is a cheerful boy and it is a talent.

I guess I can give myself a break about not knowing the day he was born. There are lots of other dates that are important. The 8th of October is the day his birth mom relinquished her rights. I stayed at the hospital while they all went to court. I just held Jacob and for the first time REALLY looked at him. Even though he looked like an 80 year old woman with a bad perm, he felt like mine. I just said to him over and over "hey there, I am your Mommy." I recognized the look in his eyes and knew right there that he was mine. The bond was instant and visceral, must faster and stronger then with Lauren. He was meant for our family. The 8th of April is the day that we finalized his adoption. That was also the day his birth certificate was changed to the name we chose for him and his parents names were listed as Derek and Rebecca. The 9th of April we were sealed together as a family. Lisa Clark held him during the sealing and instead of having to wrestle him (like I thought she would be doing), he just sat and listened and looked at us the whole time, almost as if he knew what was being said. All of our friends and family were there to witness this big event. It was one of the best days for our family.


The last year has been full of major adjustments for our family. One bright spot has been to see our little Lulu blossom into a big sister. She loves this boy and uses him as her personal slave and perpetual dancing partner. She is the one that can always get him to laugh. He follows her and copies everything she does. When she sings, he sings. When she dances, he dances. When she goes to school he grabs her doll, her doll bed and one of her dress ups and drags them around the house. He is even starting to say "ooohhh ohhhh" for Lulu. Lauren has been telling me lately that "it is fun to have a brown brother". She still feels this way even though he is old enough to start getting into her stuff.

We got to watch Jacob go from a smiling, not so cute lump(see the above picture, Don King look alike--yes, cute--not so much), to a cuter smiling crawler to a dashing and handsome, smiling walker. Even though there has been drama in the last year, he has added the sunshine. I look forward to him being able to speak so we can know what it is that makes him so happy. He loves to snuggle and he loves his mama. Last night I forgot to rock him before bed and he crawled over to the rocking chair and starting "singing" and pushing it. He is starting to watch Barney, Teletubbies and Elmo. He has a round face and large brown eyes and the longest eyelashes EVER. His hair grows faster then mine, Dereks and Lauren's put together. He has a strong sense of what he wants and usually finds a way to get it. We can usually find him playing the piano or pounding on a keyboard. He is the boy of many nicknames; JJ, little J, Cubby, Dr. J, man cub, monkey man, grumpy pants, puppy...the list goes one and on. He has a voice like Barry White. Even as a tiny baby he had a very deep cry. He still has a low and scratchy voice, but can "whisper" in the most soft and gentle voice too. He eats more then most 3 year olds and will someday, SOMEDAY graduate to 12 month size clothes. I forgot how fun and incredibly frustrating a one year old can be at the same time.

We are so blessed to have him in our family. I know that every parent says and feels this way but I really don't know what we would do without him in our family. I can't wait to see wha the next year has in store.

Happy Birthday Jacob!!!!

If you have ever wondered about children's television....

Any of you who have watched children's TV and thought...."WHAT?" need to read this post. She hits it right on the head. With the exception of Wallace and Grommett (which I am pretty sure is for grown ups anyway), it is all a little bit wacky.

I will have an actual original post soon, instead of redirecting you to other places where people have written good things. I have been stuck, mentally. I can't think of anything to say. Soon, soon.

Rebecca

http://tonofbricks.blogspot.com/

This will make you smile.....

This is an observation from a friend of mine from high school. He pointed out that, among the top countries, it is generally accepted that the American school system is the easiest. In the United States, Utah is at the bottom of the list. In Utah, Wasatch High School is at the very bottom of that list. His point was that by the time we graduated from high school, we were the dumbest kids in the WORLD!! I might have believed that was true.....until I read this blog.

Read these, you will laugh....I promise. Be sure to read the comments...that is where the best one is.

http://suziepetunia.blogspot.com/

Go Harbor!!!!!

Has it been a year? Really?

I can't believe it has almost been a year since we brought the little man home. Seeing these pictures makes me realize how much we have all changed this year! Yikes. These pictures are from our pumpkin patch trip last year. We live very close to a place called Half Moon Bay. It is the pumpkin growing capitol of the world. Yes, the world. It is a small strip of land between the ocean and a mountain. Apparently this makes for prime pumpkins growing conditions. They even have a huge festival. Pretty fun. What makes it cool is that you can be standing in a huge field of pumpkins and look up and the ocean is right in front of you. It is a strange combination of orange pumpkins, green ground, blue sky and grey ocean. The colors are very vibrant and I never manage to capture on film what it looks like in real life. In our family, pumpkins and the ocean are forever linked. We always go to the same pumpkin patch and take a picture w/ Lauren in the same place. The goal is to eventually show how she has grown. We have done this every year since she has been born. I have never lived anywhere long enough to do something like this. I imagine I will be dragging her to the same pumpkin patch when she is 16 and hates me. Tough luck for her.

It makes me realize what a different childhood my kids are having, compared to what I had. Don't get me wrong, I love the way I grew up. We moved a lot. I learned how to make new friends and to be ok out of my comfort zone. These are skills that serve me well now. I really can't relate to the kid that grew up knowing the same people since birth and lived in the same house. Here I am now teaching Sunbeams that I have known since birth. My daughter has always lived in the same town, J.J. too. We don't have any plans to leave any time soon. They will probably be those kids that I couldn't relate to growing up. Huh. Life is funny.

This year for Halloween Lauren wants to be Dora the Explorer. I am sad because I wanted to get just one more year out of her being something pretty, like a princess. She is growing up. Jacob is going to be Mr.T. We are shaving a mohawk and everything. It will grow back in 10 seconds. I will never understand how my son can grow his afro out faster then Lulu can grow ANY hair. We shave his head every month, Lauren has NEVER had a hair cut. Again, life is funny.

This post has no point, just babble. My husband has been in New York for a few days and I am missing adult conversation. My mother in law also went through a pretty major surgery today. She has breast cancer and has a long road ahead of her. Chemo starts next. It is scary and makes me thankful at the same time that we have things like doctors and hospitals and chemo so that cancer doesn't always need to be a death sentence. It seems that there are no people left that don't have some kind of brush with cancer, whether it is them or someone they know. It makes me wonder who out of my circle of friends will be the one who gets it. Will it be me? My sisters? I am glad we don't get to know.

On a funny (and also sad and slightly racist) note, today in Walmart I was asked for the third time if I got my baby from New Orleans. Seriously. Are people crazy? Don't they think that the government is going to take more then a few weeks to reunite children w/ parents or family before they start handing them out? Or, do they think I drove to Louisiana and picked up the first black child I saw sitting on a roof or overpass? Is it because he is black? People are crazy.

Crazier every day.

An ode to Disney

This is 3/4ths of the Bingham family, ready for a day at DISNEYLAND. We actually went last February, but it was a pretty awesome trip. I must admit that I was not a "Disney" person a few years ago. I never really get that excited about roller coasters and the best part of an amusement park for me was the cotton candy and churros.

When Lauren was 18 months old, I had recently stopped working full time. I loved working and I loved my job. I was already unsure about the whole "stay at home with the kids all day" thing and I didn't have much of a social support group in Palo Alto yet. I was ready to rip my skin off with frustration (those of you who have an 18 month old might know what I mean). It felt like someone had snuck in to my house in the middle of the night and stolen my sweet baby girl and left the spawn of Satan in her place. February was a dark, dark time for me. My sweet husband decided that we needed a break. He arranged for a baby sitter and he took me to Disneyland for the weekend.

I had SO MUCH FUN. I finally realized why it is the happiest place on earth. Maybe it was just because I got a break. It could have been the sugar high. No matter what it was, I had a ball and it was a huge catalyst for me in settling into my new role of stay at home mom. Ever since then I have been a Disney fan. Now, I don't wear jeans jackets embroidered w/ the characters on them or anything, but I am a believer in the magical power of Disney.

Lauren was just barely two years old when she went for the first time. Derek's whole family went to Disneyworld in Florida. Lauren had never seen a Disney movie. She was still very much into the Teletubbies and Barney. She didn't even know who Cinderella, Ariel or Belle were. It took exactly 2 minutes for her to be converted. By the end of the trip she knew all of them, and owned some wonderful princess memorabilia. It was the beginning of the end. She is 5 now, but we still have a home full of princess dishes, princess posters, princess dolls. etc. For a while there, if it had a princess on it, I bought it (she was my only child....what could I do?). We actually now own every single princess dress up dress --thanks to my mom who lives near the greatest thrift store on earth. In fact, a new Tinkerbell dress arrived today (Tink is the current obsession).

This last time we went, we went with two other families. My sister and her husband and 1 year old son, and one of my best friends, her husband and two children (one of whom is Lauren's best friend). These are both families that our family really, really loves to spend time with. That is probably why we had such a blast. With that many adults, there was always someone to sit out with the babies or take a little one to the bathroom. The adults got to take turns going off w/ out the kids and the kids all had someone to play with. Even though it rained every day, I think all three families came out of that thinking it was one of the best vacations ever. The mommies and little girls went to the Princess breakfast. The girls got to dress up as their favorite princess and meet ALL of them. I will never forget the looks on their faces. It was like meeting your idol, in person. They took pictures and got autographs. .... It was bliss.

A trip to Disney is not cheap, neither are the things like Princess breakfasts, etc. I have to say that every penny is worth it. None of the families had extra cash at the time and so going involved some sacrifice and budgeting. It isn't very often that the things we look forward to doing are EXACTLY like we dreamed they would be, or better. Having the chance to share this experience with my kids is worth it. It was magical. We even managed to avoid the trap that makes vacations not so much fun for mom; cooking and cleaning and micro managing in a different place. The most strenuous thing I had to do was buckle my seatbelt in the Peter Pan ride. Take it from me, a non Disney fan. Do it. Do it while your kids are little. Let your girls wear their Snow White or Cinderella out fit and your boys can be Buzz Lightyear. Go off season in October or February. If you want company, call us!! We are always up for a trip.

I have several friends who don't let their kids watch TV or refuse to buy princess stuff. They don't like the idea that each of these women needed a man to make the story become "happily ever after". I don't really care. Watching Lauren take her 4 month old brother and waltz him around the living room, complete with dips, was reward enough. Her favorite has always been Tinkerbell. If you were to ask her why, she will tell you it is because she is the only one who can fly. Just yesterday she asked me "Mom, WHY can't humans fly?" She jumps off tall things often, just to try to fly.

Why am I blabbering on about Disney? Derek and I made a rash and uncharacteristically bold decision. After all the garbage and emotional upheaval of the last year, we want to do something FUN as a family. We are going to Disneyland. It is like a milestone for the next phase in our life. Even though this last year has brought our family lots of debt and sadness we will move forward with optimism about the future and the future of our family. Jacob will turn one while we are there and we will be able to celebrate the fact that this incredibly happy and sweet little boy has blessed our lives during the past year too.

Is it in the budget? Not really. Is it absolutely necessary to go to Disneyland to do something fun as a family? Of course not. We don't care. We are going to immerse ourselves in expensive food, long lines and enjoy being in the happiest place on earth. Wanna come?

BabyGate 2005

Greetings everyone,

I am still not much in the mood to talk about the events of the last few weeks, but I am ready to join the land of the living. The short version of the story is that we found out she promised the baby to several families and was taking money from all of them. When she went into labor, she called us and told us to come to Chicago. We thought at that point she must have just been scamming the other families and was still planning on placing the baby with us. Otherwise, why would she have us come out, right? Well, I now know that we can't presume to understand what is going on in the mind of a crazy person. We spent 3 days with the baby. When it came time to sign the papers, she told the social worker that she never planned on signing and that we were helping her to be nice. We left the building and I haven't heard from/spoken to her since. We still don't understand why it was easier to have us come all the way out there, rather then just calling us to tell us she changed her mind. I also never imagined that she would be willing to give up her relationship w/ Jacob. I would assume that she had to know that by handling it like this she was giving up that privilege. Again, I don't understand how her mind works. A friend of ours who lives there and has been very helpful w/ the family keeps telling us that she says "she hasn't decided yet and might still place" with us. I think she just knows what my friend wants to hear and is trying to keep her on the hook as long as possible. Evil takes many forms.

The worst part of all of this is that we know she committed several crimes, FEDERAL CRIMES. We have tried to tell our story to the Attorney General's office, the States Attorney, the sheriff's department, the FBI. No one cares. They don't want to do anything about this. How is that possible? No wonder women do this, they don't have much fear of retribution. We will still keep trying, but it makes me crazy that the "victim's" get victimized. Again. I am thinking about taking the story to media outlets. It just makes no sense. If you know anyone who might be interested in this kind of story, let me know. I have the names of all the families and agencies involved, I have the dates of contracts signed, money exchanged. These stories might be a dime a dozen, but we have the added twist of having a sibling. Sometimes publicity can shame a state into action.

The good news is that it is over. The waiting and feeling crazy is over. We also have seen her true nature before Jacob is old enough to know what is going on. We had hoped to have an open relationship with her and have her and her boys as a resource for him as he got older and wondered about his African American heritage. Now we know that would be very unhealthy. We will still have AA role models for him, just not his bio family. That is a good thing. I also means we don't have to worry about calls asking for money for the next 18 years. Sigh.

Thank you to all who e mailed me or left kind messages. It really helped. Your kind words and prayers WERE able to penetrate the fog of sadness that I found myself in. I came to terms with the fact that we weren't getting the baby pretty quickly. It was the betrayal by someone we knew and who was supposed to love us and our son that got me. I am still having a hard time with that.

I grieve for that little boy who will have such a different life. I worry about her other kids, especially the oldest, that will not have contact with this brother again. I am sad that this whole episode has become part of Jacob's story and that someday he will have to know this. Life is all about choices and these are the consequences of her choices. She joined the church last month so she has learned all about that. Because of the choices she makes, she has a life full of chaos, drama and uncertainty. Even though she has been given numerous opportunities to go to school, save some money and pull herself out of the mess she has created of her life, she chooses to do otherwise. As a result, she will not have a stable place to live, enough food for her children and eventually it will all catch up with her. Whether it is by her going to jail, getting a disease or the loss of one of her children to a gang or prison, she will have consequences and none of them are nice. I don't even wish that on her. As much as I hate her right now, I wish that she would change her life and make all of this hurt and sadness worth something or at the very least make a better life for her other children and give them a fighting chance at life. I won't hold my breath.

I also know that my family has something that she will never have...a wonderful support network of friends and family that support us and love us. We have rich relationships and satisfying jobs. We have a home that is calm and full of love and peace and not drama and chaos (with the exception of the last year). We have hope for the future and know that good things lay in store for us. This is because of the choices we have made and continue to make. The sacrifices we have made for education, to serve others and to build our family will not go without positive repercussions. I am not fishing for compliments her or trying to be a Pollyanna. I just am saying that this experience has helped us understand this a little bit better. We are able to identify the happy consequences for the choices we made both individually and as a family.

I am an optimist. I know that the right baby is out there somewhere and we will get the family we were supposed to have. I know that if we continue to be prayerful and do our very best to do the right thing, we will be blessed and good things will come. It doesn't mean that there won't be a lot of "suckiness" along the way, but it will all be ok. Derek and I both agree that we wouldn't have done things differently. We did everything we could to help her change her life and we were honest and truthful in our actions with her. When my tiny baby is a grown up man and may be struggling with his situation, I know that Derek and I can tell him truthfully that we did everything we could to help his biological family. That is why we did it anyway, for him. It might now help him much, but it will put my heart at ease.

Thanks again to all of you who were supportive during this whole process. The entire 7 months was a struggle and I know that more then one of you got an earful. They say it takes a village to raise a child, apparently it takes a village to NOT raise a child too. :-)

The next post will be happier. It will be full of puppies and rainbows and butterflies. I promise!

The fat lady sings...

No baby. Ever.

The level of her deception goes so much deeper then we thought. I can't even begin to think about it right now. I think I am in the fuzzy detached phase of grief and will probably have a good long blog to write when I get in to the rage phase.

Words don't seem to be able to capture what I am feeling right now. I am going to hide for awhile and lick my wounds.

Rebecca

The weeks stinks..

Gas just went to $3.09. Whaaaaaaaa? Is it because of the hurricane in New Orleans? Unbelievable.

No baby yet. Her latest due date is in a few days from now--she has a Dr. appointment tomorrow. Maybe that will get things going. Things are very up in the air right now and life is pretty chaotic. With any luck we will be in Chicago in the next few days. Either way, I won't be blogging for a while but check back in a few weeks because I will have a really, really good story for you (even if this thing works out there are lots of dramatic details).

Cheers!

Our time now belongs to the man...

Today is the first day of kindergarten, sniff, sniff. Yesterday at the "meet the teacher" event my daughter had exactly three temper tantrums. That is one every 15 minutes. Not a great start.

I know Lulu is having a hard time adjusting to all this new stuff. That would explain the crying, hair twirling, finger sucking, asking for a bottle behavior. I swear if she asks me for a diaper I might cry. I just hope that she is able to have good school experience. She was so excited today to go on the bus. By the time I saw her waving from the window we were both crying.

"Please, please, please let her have a good time and make a new friend" is my mantra.

We have a first day of school tradition. The child is allowed to have whatever he/she wants for breakfast. Anything. This is what my parents did and it was pretty fun. I always wanted biscuits and gravy. Lauren wanted steak and blueberry muffins w/ pink frosting and pixie dust. Alberstons was out of pixie dust, so I just put parsley on it. She totally ate it so I guess frosting and parsley isn't too bad. :-)

I still can't believe that I have a child old enough for school. It is the beginning of standardized tests, planning vacations around school breaks, parent teacher conferences, etc. I feel ready and not ready at the same time. When she was 2 1/2 I used to dream about the day she would go to school. ...

My little sponge..

Lauren's "drop of golden honey" remark from the cereal post got me thinking. She has always had a really amazing memory. Maybe every kid does this, but since she is my first I wouldn't know. Her memory is freakishly good. She knew how to get to Costco at our new house before my husband did (she was only 2). It is still not uncommon for my husband to ask her how to get places. He is what you might call, navigationally challenged. At one and a half she could drive down the El Camino (our version of Main Street) and point out locations and tell me what was coming next.

"Look mamma, the movie store" (Blockbuster)

"Look mamma, the chicken nugget store" (Jack in the Box).

"Look mamma, the hold the baby store". (Goodwill--I let her hold the baby dolls while we are there, then she has to put them back).

"Look mamma, the macaroni and cheese store" (Boston Market).

As you can see, the had her own names for things, and most of the places she knew involved some kind of food. I guess I didn't cook much then either. The point is, she was and still is a very perceptive child. She has a really, really good memory. I do too so I guess she gets it from me. Unfortunately for me, I only remember really silly things like the name of the sister of my grocery checker, or what I was wearing (or eating) on a memorable event. I hope that we can teach her to use her power for something that actually adds value to the world, like being a mathematician or a gossip columnist.

I have also noticed that she is a marketers dream. She remembers commercials. Seriously. She will remember the songs, the catchphrases and pull them out at a moments notice. She used to call the grocery store the Red store (Safeway) and the Blue store (Albertsons). One day we were in Albertsons, checking out and she shouted "Mom, this is Albertson's because there is a picture of that lady". Sure enough, hanging from the ceiling was an ad with Patricia Heaton on it. Huh? Do they even advertise Albertsons on the Disney Channel? Another time we were sitting down to watch a movie and she said "oh goody, now for the featured presentation".

By the time she was 2 1/2 she could sing the entire song "We belong" by Pat Bennetar, most of the Beetles White Album and several Spice Girls songs (not my fault). One time I was driving down the road and heard from the back seat "What's the best tuna? Chicken of the Sea". Last week we were driving down the road and she saw a Best Western sign "Mom, wherever life takes you Best Western is there".

Maybe every kid does this and I just never knew. She is my first after all. I just wish that there would be commercials that said things like "Barbie loves to clear her plate from the table" or "Elmo never leaves his clothes on the floor". Her head must be so full of catchy jingles that she forgets to do the things that I ask her to do EVERY DAY. This child can remember the preschool that she went to when she was one, outfits she had from when she was two, and the time she got a million splinters in her finger whe she was 21 months old. Can she remember not to sass me? No. Can she remember to speak quietly when the baby is napping. Of course not because there isn't a commercial about that yet (here is a free business idea for all you actor/producers out there. Kind of like the "More You Know" series but for kids).

Obviously she gets this stuff from TV. I am sure that the people who do focus groups and write the is stuff would be proud to know that a 4 year old in California is soaking up every manipulated image and word. Do you know what would make this even better for the test marketers? If she had money.

Grandma's and Birthdays...

Lauren's great grandma died Sunday night. We knew she was sick and didn't have much time left, but it was still a bit of a surprise when she went. Instead of taking a few weeks to go downhill--she took exactly two days.

This is the woman that Lauren calls Grandma. Her actual grandma is called Sweetie and looks way too young to be a grandma, so she is just sweetie. Grandma Thora was the white haired lady that baked cookies w/ her, made mac and cheese whenever she wanted it, spent hours playing puzzles and Barbies. Grandma stuff. When I would ask Lulu who she wanted over for a play date, her first request was always Grandma Thora. When we moved this year, we ended up just down the road from her. Lauren and Grandma had a connection that we all wish we had with our grandparents.

I knew that it would be hard to tell her. We had been easing her into the situation for awhile. We had talked to her about how Grandma Thora's body was getting old and broken. When we knew it would just be a matter of hours, we decided to just break it to her. We had originally planned to go over to visit that day (before we knew she was so sick), but instead had to tell her essentially there would be no more visits--ever. She was understandably upset. She worried that Grandma would be scared and would be sad because her "Lulu girl" didn't come to say goodbye. She really, really wanted to say goodbye and to see her one last time. Grandma requested that just a small group of people come. That was the hardest part for Lu, knowing that she wouldn't get to see her just one more time. My husband was about to head over to grandma's, so Lulu drew her a picture. It said "I love you Grandma Thora, you are sweet". That alone made me cry.

After she passed, my husband took Lauren over to her house to visit w/ my inlaws ( I stayed home w/ the baby--it was really late). She cried a bit, and played w/ all her toys and kept asking and asking to see Grandma. My MIL and FIL, in their wisdom, let her. I would have been much more reluctant to let my 4 year old see a dead person. They don't look the same and I would have worried about it making her more worried and scared. Sweetie fixed Grandma up and let Lulu go in to say goodbye. She saw the picture that she had drawn on the bedside table and that made her cry. She got to kiss her and hold Grandma's hand. Derek said she was pretty shaken up but doing ok. She was able to express how sad she was and how much she would miss her.

After a while it was time to leave Grandma's house. Lulu went around to all the people there and gave them each a kiss and a hug. She always does this before we leave. She asked if she could give Grandma a kiss goodbye. When her dad told her no, she got so upset they finally just let her do it. When she went in to the bedroom, she climbed on the bed, put her head on Thora's chest and hugged her and sobbed for a really long time. She then gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her goodbye. She was very, very upset in the car coming home and that night she couldn't sleep. It took her three hours to calm down. She had lots of questions--most of them with the purpose of being reassured that WE wouldn't die. It broke my heart to see my little girl so sad. Thora really was her best friend. This will leave an enormous hole in her life. As she was sobbing in bed and asking me "why do we all have to die?" I could see how scared she was. I have a feeling I will be seeing this look more and more as she gets older. As our kids grow they have to deal with lots of things that are scary and we usually can't do anything to help them. I was so grateful last night that I was able to make it a little bit better. She kept telling me she wanted me to stay with her until she fell asleep. I as able to do something to make it better. I know that is not going to be the case for much longer.

In retrospect, I am still not sure if it was the right thing to let her see Grandma. I don't think I would have wanted to, but she was SO INSISTENT. As a mother I know that she usually doesn't know what she is talking about. Lauren insists she can fly, doesn't need to eat and is the REAL Annie as well. 4 year olds don't always know what they want. I am glad that she got to have that kind of closure. She kept telling me--"if I hadn't seen her I wouldn't be this sad" and
"If we didn't have pictures of Grandma at our house I wouldn't be this sad"..... maybe that is true. It is also true that sometimes life gives us things that are hard. I wish she didn't have to learn that at such a young age, but we all have to learn it sometime. As far as bad things go, it could have been so much worse. Ultimately she is lucky to have had a grandmother like that. A person who really, really cherished her, never made her do things she didn't want to do and was completely engaged w/ her. Don't get me wrong, her other grandmothers really love her too. They still have young kids at home and one lives far away. They don't have the time to devote to a little person because they are still very much in mom mode.

Here is to a wonderful woman, who lived a long and wonderful life. She left behind a family that loved her. You really can't do better then that.

P.S. Lauren's birthday is Sunday. Not only did she loose her grandma, but her birthday is getting switched too.....

Yikes...

Gas just went over $3.00 a gallon at the station across the street. It now costs me $75 dollars to fill my car.

I am going to put my name down on the list for the hybrid minivan. I swore I would never drive one but.....

Meshugine Neighbors

(For an explination of this word--go here )http://www.bergen.org/AAST/Projects/Yiddish/English/comwor.html


I have a neighbor story for you (see www.wendysues.blogspot.com and www.ohjudy.blogspot.com for some GREAT neighbor stories) . At the time I thought, "Hmmm, I don't have any funny stories". Thankfully that was quickly remedied.

My sister and her son live with me. Her husband has a job in Utah and a marketing company that has business out here in California during the summer. She lives w/ me because 1) I like her and love having her live with me 2) She was supposed to be my live in help w/ the new baby--who decided not to show up until at least three weeks after she goes home. Her husband is here when he is in town. It is a good solution because it keeps both of us from being lonely all summer. She also spoils my kids and cleans my house. Enough said.

From my previous posts you know I live in an area full of creepy old people. I need to adjust that to MEAN SPIRITED , creepy old people. There are all kinds of crazy parking rules here--no parking in driveways, no parking on the street, don't have your garage door open--ever. I guess we can add--no parking in the visitor spot to the list.

My sister parks her car in a visitor spot, because it is for visitors. I had this pre-approved w/ the company that does property management here. I knew I would have a third car for the summer and with all the other rules, I decided to ask what I was going to do w/ her car. Many of my neighbors have live in help and I know for a fact that many of these people park in the visitor parking. No big deal. The spots are never full.

On Sunday, someone soaped her windows, but just the driver's side of the windshield and window. They also did it to the other car in the other visitor spot. Hmmm. Today we woke up to a note on her windshield that said "PLEASE OBEY THE "insert condo complex name here" PARKING RULES" in shaky, old lady handwriting. ohhhkayyyy. What should I do? I haven't had anyone soap a car since I was in seventh grade. By the way, don't you think it is strange that they soaped the windows BEFORE they left a note? Like soaping was the obvious first option. Seeing how I am not 12 anymore--soaping and note leaving are not really my style. I prefer to do things on a professional or at least adult manner.

One thing I do know is that I cannot allow this to go unchecked. It is NOT ok for people to treat my guests like this. She was parked in a VISITOR spot for heaven's sake. What should I do? Do I leave a note that says "I am not sure what parking rules you are referring to, please identify yourself or call my cell and lets discuss why you have a problem w/ my guests parking in the guest spot". Do I ignore it? Do I go into the whole song and dance about how I had permission, how she is live in help, etc..... I love a good neighbor war as much as the next guy--but I do still have to live here.

For some reason this has me really worked up. I am having a hard enough time trying to like it here as it is. Maybe this is just the excuse I am looking for to not like it here...Maybe I just need more Diet Coke.... Maybe I just don't like condescending (crazy) old people. The good news is that this person will either die or go into a nursing home really soon, I hope.

Any advice or better ways to handle this?

Ebony and Ivory....

I wanted to get professional pictures of the kids taken before the next one shows up. I envisioned my little white haired girl in black and my dark haired boy in white. I thought that in black and white, these pictures would cute--but would also highlight the contrast that makes them so physically different (even though they are very similar in personality).

What I didn't count on (and couldn't tell at the time) was that my son would MATCH THE BACK GROUND PAPER!! The pictures still look cute in black and white. Unfortunately, the kids didn't really cooperate. Instead of the posed and serene pictures I wanted, they just wanted to be silly and roll around on the floor. Lauren would only give us her "fake smile" and Jacob kept tipping over. His little outfit was also too small (I dried it on accident). He kept climbing on Lulu, pulling her hair, and drooling on the floor. In the end, I think that the pictures we got were a pretty accurate representation of my family. One more lesson in the difference between what I THINK something is going to be versus what IT ACTUALLY is.

Goodbye Peter Jennings...

When I heard that Peter Jennings had died, I was actually quite sad. He always struck me as more calm and gentle then the others. I also remember that he did some shows for children. He was my favorite anchorman.

When I was little I remember seeing on the evening news the reports of famous people who had died. At first, I didn't know who any of them were. At some point, I knew who they were, but didn't remember them being a part of my daily life (ie...actors or singers that I had heard of, but never went to their movies or remembered their songs). Then I hit the late high school and college years. The years that I was pretty much immersed in pop culture; media, radio, TV and movies. Not too long ago I realized that some of the people that I remember from "when I was a kid" have died. Yikes. These are people that I was familiar with for at least a decade, and now they are passing. Hmmm. One more milestone that makes me remember that I am moving on to a new phase in my life.

Derek's grandma is really sick, dying actually. She tells us that if you are lucky enough to live a long and healthy life--by the end many of your friends and family have died. She tells us that she expects to have a HUGE welcoming committee when she finally shows up. That is a better way of looking at it , I think.

For all you cereal lovers out there...

Ok, so I actually cooked a meal today. It has been a long time since I have done this. I really love to cook, but I don't plan ahead enough to do it as often as I should. Plus, in the summer it is just too hot. Anyway, tonight I decided to cook dinner. Besides making a meal for my family, I also proved a theory that I have always suspected. If you do something good, you will pay for it eventually. I say this half in jest, of course, but have you ever noticed how one day your kid will be charming and take a really long nap--allowing you to get a lot done. The next day they will be cranky and just want to sit on your lap all day. It is just the price you pay for the good day. At least with my kids it is pretty black and white. Maybe some day I will teach them to just be gray everyday.

Back to the subject...so I am grilling chicken (with the yummiest marinade EVER--and no points if you are a Weight Watchers person). I also made a summer squash couscous casserole. YUMMMY. Everything tasted good and the kids even ate. I spent some time talking to my sister while I cleaned the kitchen. The kids were in the family room which is totally babyproofed so I can usually leave them alone in there........
Apparently, 10 seconds after dinner, my daughter decided that she was hungry and needed a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Who doesn't need an enormous bowl of cereal after a yummy dinner? She isn't entirely to blame, my husband does the same thing. He gets RIGHT UP from dinner and pours a bowl of cereal. I guess she also decided that she didn't need to use a bowl, she would just use the floor. When the babies started bugging her for cereal, she gave them some too. Also on the floor. Before long an entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios was on the floor and the children in all its sticky glory.

This is the sight that greeted me. My nephew had Cheerio's stuck all over his body, an especially cute one in his little bum crack above his saggy diaper. Jacob was sitting in the middle of the biggest pile shoving them into his mouth as fast as he can (I might add that he is teething so all that drool provided a wonderful adhesive for yet more cereal). Lauren was trying to see how many she could make stick to the bottom of her feet, she then threw herself backwards and shook her legs so that they would rain down all around her. The boys were sitting under her legs trying to catch them in their mouths.

Charming.

We got the kids wiped off and the cereal vacuumed up (after clogging the vacuum more then once). Of course I grumbled at them. When I asked my daughter WHY she did this she just looked at me and said "I don't know" and not in a snotty way, it sounded like she really didn't know. She did however manage to tell me that "a drop of golden honey is what makes them sweet". How mad can you be when your child is quoting the commercial verbatim? Ironically, if I hadn't actually cooked dinner for them, they would have been fed cereal.

The moral of this story is that instead of spending time cooking, I should have taken the kids to the pool!!! I could have sat on the couch and just thrown cereal at THEM. It would have been much more satisfying to clean it up if I had some fun making the mess.

P.S. We are well on our way to Fairy-Lou 5. For those who don't know, Fairy-Lou is Lauren's fish. They keep dying and we keep replacing them. The fish are winning (or loosing depending on how you look at it).