Observations from a weekend...

Norah's newest trick........now she just needs

to learn to eat from a spoon.

Greetings Internet,

How was your weekend?

We had three whiny, snot factories in our house this weekend, shocking I know, that my kids would be sick (and by whiny snot factories I mean, two kids are teething and one has either a cold or allergies or both...). But, I think that everyone is well enough to GO TO SCHOOL today, except the babies who don't go to school, but they might be well enough to sit in front of the TV--so same thing.

We learned a few things this weekend. First, if the baby takes a nap and sleeps on BOTH sides of her hair, she wakes up looking much like Arsenio Hall in the early 90's. There is nothing more groovy than a high top afro with a mullet. It is slightly LESS groovy to take the baby to church with such a hairstyle because every black woman on earth will show up and tell you to DO THAT BABY'S HAIR. Previously this has only happened at Walmart (I only go there if I absolutely have to because I hate it so much). I do what I always do in these situations, I invite them to my house to help me get my kids ready in the morning. Just getting them out the door and having shoes on everyone is a huge accomplishment in my book. With church we take a few steps further and they actually need to be dressed up and fed. If anyone wants to come to my house and do hair then they are welcome. I might even offer them a bowl of cereal, but maybe not. They might only be offered a Diet Coke. I have no shame, I will take any and all help getting hair done in the morning. As well as the dishes and laundry. So far none of my critics have felt the need to do this. Bummer. If they are not willing to HELP me then they can zip it, and I invite them to do so. I learned that I need to get better at doing babygirl's hair and finding the time to do it before we go to church or Walmart.

Another thing that I learned is that both of my children like show tunes, but if given the chance they will brawl to the death over whether to play Josh Grobin (Lu) or Aerosmith (Jacob). Huh.

I learned that the harder I try to have a fun afternoon with my kids where I am, you know, actually interacting with them, the more things will fall apart. Yesterday we made a cake. I could tell you that it was fun and we all bonded, but I usually save my lies for my weight watchers and other children's behaviour while I am babysitting (it is always "great, they were great!"). The truth is that we ended up making a mess, the kids fought the whole time over who got to do what, a glass was shattered on the floor and we managed to spill coco everywhere. By the time the cake got into the oven I had taken a vow to never, ever look at a chocolate cake again. I am sure I will break that vow, but not without picturing coco covered shards of glass sticking out of the cake and myself eating it with a symphony of screeching children in the background.

I learned that I still love Sting. I was watching a rerun of "Regis and Kelly" and saw him doing an interview. He was talking about how he is learning to play the lute. The LUTE? You and I both know that if the average teenager decided he wanted to play the lute he would be mocked mercilessly. But somehow on Sting it is SEXY! What is it about that skinny, balding crackpot that makes me so giddy? Who cares, I'll take it. I remember listening to Sting CD's in college with my best friend/roommate. This same roommate has a little brother who grew up to be a rock star. One time when rock star brother was about to have a show, Sting showed up backstage to tell the band how much he loves their music. How is that possible? I am going to watch and see if Jimmy V starts whipping out the lute during his shows. You heard it here first people.

I learned that potty training my son is going to be a much different beast than my daughter.. She was happy with a few cheers and the promise of a sticker. Jacob wants the hard stuff. Stocks, bonds, maybe some futures. He is not going to do ANYTHING in that potty without some major incentive. Not even peeing on Cheerios did it, and this kid loves to pee on everything! Advice? I am looking forward to eliminating one set of diapers from the daily routine. When I eliminate the cost of the diapers, I can start getting pedicures again. Sadly, I am not the one who needs incentive. I think that Diet Coke will do the trick.

I learned where my cleaning lady has been stashing all the sippy cup lids. Seriously, every time she would come all the sippy cup lids would disappear. I would look EVERYWHERE, but apparently not everywhere, because there was one tiny cupboard, behind the trash can, that seemed like the logical place to put them. Cubby found them. Truffle pig. I could have just asked her where they are but there are two things wrong with that. I am kind of afraid of her (she has taken on the role of my sassy Latin mother.... she likes to tell me what to do) and we don't actually share a common language. I bet you didn't know that someone could tell you what to do in a different language. They can and it is scary. Now, I just try not to be home when she comes. Problem solved, except for the sippy cups.

I also learned that the time has come again for behavior boot camp. It must be the spring that brings on my most inventive parenting techniques. This one I actually got from my friend Suzi.... You know how sometimes as a parent you slack off on discipline and pretty soon the kids are working it? It starts with them taking longer to obey. This quickly turns into backchat. Before you know it you come down for breakfast and you find the kids passed out on the couch after a long night of videos with apple juice hangovers battling the sugar highs. As you watch the glow of the television reflect off the homemade Sponge Bob tats that have been clumsily applied to their cheeks you realize that the time has come. No? This is just my kids? Right. So, coming up will be a post on behavior boot camp, which is a distant cousin to The Last Resort .

What did you learn this weekend?