It never ends...

Just when I think I can catch my breath.....

So last week was pretty crazy. I took all the kids in for their yearly appointments. Lu was thrilled to find out that she needs glasses. She has been telling me this for months and I didn't believe her (but to be fair, she also tells me she needs braces and a cast.....). Norah's appointment was stressful. She is developmentally behind. I know this. She also has issues with both of her eyes. They both wander and I don't think that she sees very well. The pediatrician thinks that she is "officially" developmentally delayed. Again, not a huge surprise, but still hard to hear. She is 15 months old and she doesn't walk or support her weight, have any words or seem to recognize any words, she doesn't do a lot of things that 9 month old are supposed to be doing. The good news here is that now that she is "official" we qualify to start on the rounds of occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, etc. We might even quality with the county for them to pay for some of it. Either way, we can have a game plan. The bad news is that this means one million doctor appointments. Gah. Norah has hit some of her marks late, but she has hit them. I am not sure if this delay is just Norah needing a bit of help and being on her own timeline, or if she really is not capable of learning to do these things.

She was also diagnosed at too skinny or "failure to thrive". Apparently she doesn't eat that much. I do feed her, but she is my third. I give her some food on a spoon, and often small pieces of what we are eating for lunch or dinner while she is in her chair. I just never paid that much attention to how much was actually going in and staying down. Not enough. So, I am supposed to feed her / offer her food multiple times a day and get as many calories in her as I can. Not as easy as it looks. She has rejected Ensure and will drink whole milk. I might move to half and half. I make her oatmeal with lots of butter and sugar and mashed potatoes with sour cream and butter, but would welcome any high calorie, healthy foods. A friend suggested Greek Style yogurt, it has like 20 grams of fat per cup. That is the right idea.

Yesterday I got a call from my doctor that she wanted to "discuss some test results with me". I had gone in for my 16 week screen (blood test). This pregnancy is considered to be on the low end of high risk. She decided to do all the screens to put my mind at ease and rule out lots of things. When SHE wanted to talk to me, I knew something was wrong. Usually the nurse just calls me to say "everything is OK". I immediately went to the Internet and googled the test to see what it could be. I learned a lot. This test is to screen out things like Spina Bifida, Downs and other neural tubal defects. Gulp. I also read that it only has a 65 percent accuracy rate. Many doctors won't even recommend the tests b/c it comes back positive and then people stress out and they get more tests and almost always everything is fine. It isn't worth the stress. Lucky me. When I talked to her, she told me that I tested positive for a possibility for this baby to have Downs. The test can't tell you if your child DOES have it, just gives you a probability number. In normal pregnancies for people my age (33) the changes are like 1 in 10,000. Often when people come back with a positive it will tell them their chances are 1:674 or even 1:68. Mine came back 1:10. That is high. High enough to recommend an amnio. I worry a bit about that because the chances of miscarriage with an amnio are like 1:150. Most of the time this is an option so you can think about termination. In the case of Downs, termination is not an option for me. There are, however, some other NTD's that would make me sit down and really, really think. Also, in light of all that has happened in the last 6 months (much of which is still being dealt with, daily, and it feels like an uphill battle most of the time...) and the Norah stuff, I want to know what I am going to be dealing with. Will I be dealing with one special needs child or two? Or none?

So, there you have it. We have the big test on Thursday. This was the day my husband and I were supposed to go to Disneyworld for the weekend (no kids) for a friends' wedding and a fun getaway. Instead, I will be having a needle stuck in my uterus and have to come home where I am not allowed to walk or lift for 5 days and hope that I don't have a miscarriage. Then I wait to find out the results. Then we can go trick or treating. Sounds like a fun weekend, doesn't it?

I don't mean to sound doom and gloom and depressed and in fact, I am doing much better today than I was last week (thank you drugs....). I just really feel that I keep getting knocked down and then I brush myself off and stand up again and then get punched again. I just need it to stop. No matter what the test reveals, it will be better than not knowing for the next 5 months. And, I still have a 90% chance that things are fine. And if they aren't, there are worse things. Prayers are always appreciated. Not for a particular outcome, but for peace and strenght to get through the next few days. Also pray for Jacob to suddenly be calm and stop figuring how to rip the childproof handles off the doors. And to stay out of the fridge. And to stop elbowing me in the chest. In fact, if I could outsource Jacob things would be much different in this house. :-) Any takers? Carina? JUST KIDDING!

If anyone has had an amnio before will you fill me in? How much does it hurt? Do I really need 5 days after to take it easy? Just curious. I just went to Trader Joes and loaded up on Pirates Booty (my crack), frozen Orange Stirfry chicken, stuffed pork chops, Korma sauce and Naan for easy Curry, Granola and Caramelized Onion and Gruyere pizza. Seriously, I want to marry Trader Joes. No "cooking" for me this week, but we will still eat very, very well.

I will try and post pictures of the pumpkin patch and the girls matching orange dresses. I have to down load them first........

P.S. Does anyone have a good book recommendation? I will read anything and will have some time on my hands. I would love to dig into a few new books.....